It is time for another Writers Workshop over at MamaKat’s totally excellent and fun blog. This time, I’m choosing the prompt:
But there are classy and good reality shows out there…yes, there are! That is not an oxymoron! You can find a lot of them on Bravo, and then there are some of the long-running ones that really aren’t too bad. (I’m NOT talking about you Big Brother…you lost me at Season 3!) So which one should I star in? Let’s find out!
Top Chef – Well, this is out as I can’t cook to save my life and I’m not a foodie. We eat a lot of those SteamFresh bagged vegetables at my house — as well as things that you can boil in water. My idea of baking is to follow the directions on the box, and I don’t have a signature dish. I love this show, but pretty much everything they make sounds unappetizing to me. And I have no idea what half the terms mean: Chiffonade, Reduction, Demi-Glace, Emulsion, Roulade, Roux. It sounds like Greek to me! They say “Ragout” and I say “Stew” so I’m not a viable candidate for this one. (By the way, did you know Padma used to be married to Salman Rushdie?)
Project Runway — This is one of my favorite reality shows. You can always count on a flamboyant and entertaining cast, fun challenges, you can subjectively judge the results yourself (unlike Top Chef) … and who doesn’t love Tim Gunn? Unfortunately, I can’t sew worth a darn and I have zero fashion sense. (Shocking Confession: Most of my clothes come from Target or Wal-Mart. I think that alone would disqualify me from the show.) When I was in Girl Scouts, I had to sew a skirt to get my sewing badge, and it fell apart on me the first time I tried it on. So I’m not a viable candidate for this show either.
Shear Genius — Yet another Bravo reality show … this one hosted by ex-Charlie’s Angel Jaclyn Smith and focused on hair stylists. Always a flamboyant cast and, again, you can easily judge which haircuts you like. Plus there is the very strange-looking master colorist Kim Vo and the hilarious-sounding Rene Fris (my husband does the best imitation!) for comedic relief. But again, all my attempts to cut hair have ended badly and with emergency trips to a real hair stylist. I even attempted to do home haircuts for the Little One. I mean, how hard could it be? You just get one of those little clipper kits and go to it. Well, he ended up looking like he had some kind of scalp disease or lost a fight with a lawnmower. So this show is out too.
So that brings us to my absolute all-time favorite reality show — The Amazing Race! I’ve watched every single season of this show, and the only real misstep has been the Family Edition, which was really lame. I like that they switch things up, and you can never really predict what is going to happen from week to week. I love when the strongest teams get eliminated unexpectedly and weak teams go so much further than they should. (It is a friggin’ miracle that Dandrew are in the FINALS this season!) Finally, I believe I am eminently qualified to be on this show for the following reasons:
- Have a significant other to run the race with? Check. My husband and I would be the team.
- Ability to bicker and fight with partner? Check. We bicker and fight all the time but still manage to stay married so the race wouldn’t tear us apart.
- Love to travel? Check. I would so love to travel around the world.
- Ability to follow directions? Check. So many teams falter because they don’t read the clues and follow the directions but we would.
- Attention to detail? Check. No way would my team leave our passports and money in the taxi like Dallas and Toni last week. My husband and I are so OCD about checking for stuff like that.
- Ability to conquer fears? Check. For the $1 million dollar prize, I would be able to overcome my fear of heights in a second.
So bring it on, Phil Keoghan! I’m ready for the Amazing Race! Now I just need someone to watch the Little One for a month or so and we’re off!