Life with a Little One and More was lucky enough to score an exclusive interview with Mr. Grossman of the World Famous Mr. Grossman’s Ice Cream Emporium. As you may know, Mr. Grossman is famous for his unique ice cream parlor — serving flavors and toppings not found in any other ice cream parlor in the world. Enjoy our insider’s look at some of his closely guarded secrets and just why Mr. Grossman’s ice creams have such a unique flavor.
Warning: If you do not have a strong stomach or enjoy gross out humor, you may want to skip this post and come back another day.
Life With A Little One And More (LWLOM): Thank you for granting us this interview, Mr. Grossman. We are excited to learn about your unique ice creams.
Mr. Grossman (MG): It is my pleasure, Jenners. It will be fun to finally share some of my store’s most closely guarded secrets.
LWLOM: For our readers who are not familiar with your store, why don’t you tell us a little about it?
MG: Quite simply, we serve unique ice cream flavors and toppings that can be found nowhere else in the world. Our ice cream and sundaes are for those with an adventuresome palate and a taste for the strange. Anthony Bourdain is one of our regulars. As is the gentleman who regularly eats testicles on the Food Network. His name escapes me now.
LWLOM: Wow! A celebrity following. Tell us, what ice cream does Mr. Bourdain favor?
MG (chuckling): Well, Tony is quite fond of our Anchovy Habanero Silk Worm with Spit Sauce* — as you know, he has a fondness for Asian food and our silk worms come directly from a farm in Vietnam. He is also quite fond of our Scallop sorbet topped with Tabasco sauce. And we are working on Bull Testicle Chunk for our Food Network friend.
LWLOM: I’ve heard you make a lot of your ice cream flavors here on site.
MG: Oh yes. We pride ourselves on making only the freshest ice creams with premium ingredients. Our staff contributes so much to our ice creams. In fact, the core ingredients of some of our most popular flavors — Semen Swirl, Toenail, and Mint Scab Chip — are produced in-house courtesy of our dedicated employees. I tell you — it is a pleasure to have such industrious teenage boys on staff to help us keep up with the demand for Semen Swirl. It is a quite popular flavor with the late night crowd!
LWLOM: What dedicated staff members you have.
MG: They certainly are — a little piece of them goes into every flavor we serve. I should also mention that we also have a cadre of highly trained bulimics on staff who work exclusively in our sundae topping section. These girls are dedicated professionals who create custom warm vomit toppings tableside! You simply pick the toppings you want and the girls chew them up, swallow, and then bring them up warm and steaming onto your ice cream — right at your table! It is one of our most popular toppings. And if you don’t like warm toppings, we have cooled vomit available as well.
LWLOM: That is amazing. Now, I wanted to ask you about the new line of sorbets that you debuted recently. You mentioned that Anthony Bourdain is a fan of the Scallop sorbet. Any other flavors that you want to mention?
MG: Well, we are particularly proud of Urine* — which is, again, produced in-house by the staff. It has a light taste with a bit of a pungent tinge to it. And each batch has a slightly different taste to it depending on the staff member who created it and what they ate the previous day. I tell you, there is nothing better than a batch of Urine after our own Millicent has eaten asparagus for dinner!
LWLOM: Sounds interesting. I might have to try that out. Might be refreshing on a hot day. What new flavors are you working on for the spring?
MG: Well, we are working on a delightful spring flavor called Earthworm and Dirt Swirl*. The best feature is that it will have actual chunks of worm! And we plan to celebrate the return of the birds in the spring with a new line of toppings — Bird Droppings. You’ll be able to choose from Robin, Chickadee and Hummingbird.
LWLOM: What a lovely tribute to spring! Well, we are almost out of time, but I wanted to ask you what flavors and toppings do YOU like best?
MG: Although I always enjoy the Cockroach Crunch — and not just because it keeps my exterminating bills down — I find that I return again and again to Booger Chip topped with Diarrhea. It is a perennial flavor of mine — and something I can easily recreate at home in the middle of the night if I get a craving! Thanks again for featuring us on your blog. May I offer you a pint of one of our ice cream flavors to take home?
LWLOM: Oh, it was my pleasure. And I would be delighted to take a pint home. How about a pint of Menses and Mint? It has such a holiday look about it, and I’m missing Christmas already. And could I possible take home some Split Pea Chunk for my Little One? I’m always trying to get him to eat more vegetables.
MG: Certainly — and be sure to tell your readers they can have 20% off their bill on their next visit if they mention this article!
* Thank you to the following readers who contributed these flavors. Aren’t you proud to be such a part of a life-enhancing post?