Some of my favorite bloggers have been doing this meme (Mel, Diane and Dan), and the results were so amusing that I thought I needed to have a stab at this whole Google meme, which involves asking Google what you need using your name — in my case “Jennifer Needs. (Oops … my true name has been revealed! Did you ever in a million years think my true name was Jennifer? After I so cleverly disguised myself with my alter ego Jenners?) Anyway, once you ask the almighty Google what you need, it will tell you. Let’s see what Google thinks I need, shall we?
Jennifer needs…a Smack Daddy. Well, being a white suburbanite over the age of 40, I had to ask Google what a Smack Daddy was so I could determine if I really did need one. According to the Urban Dictionary (note to self: bookmark this page. It’ll keep you hip with the kids.), a Smack Daddy is: another word for Big Daddy, a person whos keepin it real, a friend, Barack Obama. Well, what a wide range of options for me! I can always use a friend, so I will accept this Google. Thank you.
Jennifer needs…to play by the rules. Is this about me not following directions for blog awards? Well, get a grip, Google. I think you are overreacting a bit.
Jennifer needs…to give birth in the next week. Well, aren’t we a little pushy, Google? And just how do you expect me to pull this off exactly? Ooooooohhhhhh…what was that shooting pain and the water all over the floor? Maybe this will be doable after all.
Jennifer needs…to accept that she’s gained what looks like some major pounds. Screw you, Google. Screw you.
Jennifer needs…a cold shower. Why? Because my major poundage and impending childbirth experience isn’t getting me any action?
Jennifer needs…a shave. OK, Google. That is a really low blow. I’ve posted about how my Slavic heritage has resulted in a few chin hairs and the need to wax above the upper lip regularly but a shave … I am officially insulted.
Jennifer needs…a cane. Well, my knee has been cracking when I walk up the stairs but I think I’m doing just fine, thank you very much.
Jennifer needs…your support. I certainly do after the vicious insults hurled at me by Google. Weight gain, shaving … where is my Smack Daddy now?
Jennifer needs…a mortician. OK, now you are scaring me Google. What do you know that I don’t? I don’t like this meme at ALL!
Jennifer needs…a Tony award now and she’s a triple threat. I certainly will be — I’ve got me the Honest Scrap award and the Kreativ Blogger award so the Tony should make it complete. Oh, Jennifer Hudson, you mean Google? No…that Tony award shall be mine — all mine! Didn’t you just love me in Cats?
Jennifer needs…a muzzle. A muzzle? Like what a DOG wears? Are you saying I’m a dog, Google? Our relationship may be over. I’ve had enough of your insults and ominous threats. I’m going to break up with you and do all my Internet searching with Ask.com.
Jennifer needs…to have a session or two with a therapist. Well, after this meme, who could blame me?