This week, I decided to do the Slightly Inappropriate and Fully Nosy Meme created by the Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Minivan Mom. True to her word, this meme is incredibly nosy and inappropriate but really fun to read! If you decide to do this one, let me know because I wanna know your answers!
1. Have you ever skipped school?
Never! Not one single time. I LOVED school. Plus I was terrified my parents would find out. I’m a nerd, remember?
2. What is your favorite naughty word?
Well, you gotta love the F word — it can be used in so many different ways and applied to many different situations. But I like the one my husband coined — “F**ksh*tters!”
3. Have you ever been arrested?
Good Lord — NO! The most trouble I’ve even been in with the law was speeding tickets and when the County Health Department shut down my bird feeding operation due to an anonymous complaint about the huge number of birds that flocked to our feeder.
4. Do you and your spouse have a code that you use when you want sex?
Yes…but I’m not telling what it is other than it is a letter of the alphabet!
5. Do you have special names for … ahem…you know, either cute ones that you have your kids use or nasty ones that you and your spouse use?
We taught the Little One to call them his “bits.” As for my own triangle of femininity, I have no special terms.
6. How many drinks does it take to get you sloshed?
Ummmm…one. I’m not a big drinker so it pretty much goes right to my head. Add one more, and I’ll probably get sick.
7. Do you always wash your hands after you go potty or are you one of those gross people who comes out of the toilet in a public restroom and fixes their hair then leaves without washing?
You should wash your hands after going potty? I did not know that. Maybe I’ll start doing this in the future. (A joke, people. A joke.)
8. When was the last time you played the clitar, dialed 9 on a rotary phone or spanked your monkey?
I don’t understand this question….I played the piano and not the sitar (she sure doesn’t know how to spell, does she?), have a touch tone phone and do not have any pets — especially misbehaved monkeys.
9. What’s your favorite smell that others would consider weird?
Please understand that this is NOT my favorite smell but my favorite smell that others would consider weird — black magic markers and those papers you used to get in school that were kind of wet and blue — mimeographs, I think they were called.
10. What is your favorite adult beverage?
Well, I’m not a big drinker — I swear I often order a Shirley Temple (with extra cherries). So I guess anything that tastes like it is NOT an adult beverage! Must also have cherries in it.
11. Favorite old school cartoon?
I didn’t have a TV for large portions of my childhood, but I do remember Speed Racer — I loved how their big eyes with the white sparkles in them.
12. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do with the money? (If you say donate to charity, you’re a f**kin’ liar! I said the FIRST thing you’d do.)
Book a round the world cruise!
13. Have you ever fed a dog peanut butter just to see what would happen?
No — but I will now. I did feed my dog an apple one time — a whole apple. She would nibble at it and then get a full bite and eat it. It was really quite amusing.
14. Favorite blonde joke?
I don’t know any offhand. I’ll go look one up and find one that makes me laugh the most. OK — here is one I found at Cool Blonde Jokes.
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Of course. Doesn’t every child do this at one point? I also had my Barbie dolls experience traumatic car accidents that involved severed limbs, squished heads and blood (ketchup).
16. Did you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?
Yeah…the guy who sold me some swamp land in Jersey told me that!
17. Shi*tiest car you’ve ever had?
Well, at one time I was the not so proud owner of a Ford Contour.
18. Most risque place you’ve ever done it?
You know how people in movies are always doing it in really exotic places and it seems so hot and romantic? Well, my husband and I tried the beach one time — it was very cold and wet and the sand was abrasive and uncomfortable. Plus neither one of us could relax due to paranoia that someone would come walking by so we just abandoned the whole thing. The whole “sex on the beach” thing is very overrated in my book.
19. Most embarrassing ass song that you just LOVE no matter what anyone thinks?
“Toxic” by Britney Spears. So shoot me.
20. Ever puked out a car window?
Not out the window … just in the car. On a family trip when I was a child. I did it first, then my two brothers vomited because of the smell of my puke. It was horrific.
21. Should I let D (her husband) get an alpaca?
Yes..I see no reason why not.