Slightly Inappropriate and Fully Nosy Meme
by Jenners • 03/09/2009 • Life • 27 Comments
This week, I decided to do the Slightly Inappropriate and Fully Nosy Meme created by the Scattered Mind of a Tattooed Minivan Mom. True to her word, this meme is incredibly nosy and inappropriate but really fun to read! If you decide to do this one, let me know because I wanna know your answers!
1. Have you ever skipped school?
Never! Not one single time. I LOVED school. Plus I was terrified my parents would find out. I’m a nerd, remember?
2. What is your favorite naughty word?
Well, you gotta love the F word — it can be used in so many different ways and applied to many different situations. But I like the one my husband coined — “F**ksh*tters!”
3. Have you ever been arrested?
Good Lord — NO! The most trouble I’ve even been in with the law was speeding tickets and when the County Health Department shut down my bird feeding operation due to an anonymous complaint about the huge number of birds that flocked to our feeder.
4. Do you and your spouse have a code that you use when you want sex?
Yes…but I’m not telling what it is other than it is a letter of the alphabet!
5. Do you have special names for … ahem…you know, either cute ones that you have your kids use or nasty ones that you and your spouse use?
We taught the Little One to call them his “bits.” As for my own triangle of femininity, I have no special terms.
6. How many drinks does it take to get you sloshed?
Ummmm…one. I’m not a big drinker so it pretty much goes right to my head. Add one more, and I’ll probably get sick.
7. Do you always wash your hands after you go potty or are you one of those gross people who comes out of the toilet in a public restroom and fixes their hair then leaves without washing?
You should wash your hands after going potty? I did not know that. Maybe I’ll start doing this in the future. (A joke, people. A joke.)
8. When was the last time you played the clitar, dialed 9 on a rotary phone or spanked your monkey?
I don’t understand this question….I played the piano and not the sitar (she sure doesn’t know how to spell, does she?), have a touch tone phone and do not have any pets — especially misbehaved monkeys.
9. What’s your favorite smell that others would consider weird?
Please understand that this is NOT my favorite smell but my favorite smell that others would consider weird — black magic markers and those papers you used to get in school that were kind of wet and blue — mimeographs, I think they were called.
10. What is your favorite adult beverage?
Well, I’m not a big drinker — I swear I often order a Shirley Temple (with extra cherries). So I guess anything that tastes like it is NOT an adult beverage! Must also have cherries in it.
11. Favorite old school cartoon?
I didn’t have a TV for large portions of my childhood, but I do remember Speed Racer — I loved how their big eyes with the white sparkles in them.
12. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do with the money? (If you say donate to charity, you’re a f**kin’ liar! I said the FIRST thing you’d do.)
Book a round the world cruise!
13. Have you ever fed a dog peanut butter just to see what would happen?
No — but I will now. I did feed my dog an apple one time — a whole apple. She would nibble at it and then get a full bite and eat it. It was really quite amusing.
14. Favorite blonde joke?
I don’t know any offhand. I’ll go look one up and find one that makes me laugh the most. OK — here is one I found at Cool Blonde Jokes.
A: Got stuck in a trap, chewed off three legs and was still stuck.
Of course. Doesn’t every child do this at one point? I also had my Barbie dolls experience traumatic car accidents that involved severed limbs, squished heads and blood (ketchup).
16. Did you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?
Yeah…the guy who sold me some swamp land in Jersey told me that!
17. Shi*tiest car you’ve ever had?
Well, at one time I was the not so proud owner of a Ford Contour.
18. Most risque place you’ve ever done it?
You know how people in movies are always doing it in really exotic places and it seems so hot and romantic? Well, my husband and I tried the beach one time — it was very cold and wet and the sand was abrasive and uncomfortable. Plus neither one of us could relax due to paranoia that someone would come walking by so we just abandoned the whole thing. The whole “sex on the beach” thing is very overrated in my book.
19. Most embarrassing ass song that you just LOVE no matter what anyone thinks?
“Toxic” by Britney Spears. So shoot me.
20. Ever puked out a car window?
Not out the window … just in the car. On a family trip when I was a child. I did it first, then my two brothers vomited because of the smell of my puke. It was horrific.
21. Should I let D (her husband) get an alpaca?
Yes..I see no reason why not.
You very neatly avoided answering certain questions.
I wish I had a monkey. 
This is one of the best memes ever! Coffee spewin hilarity here! “Bits” and “feminine triangle”!!! LOL!! You are smooth, sister! I need to wear a flippin Depends when I come over here cause I always end up laughing so hard I pee my panties!
Jenners,
This is a long post, but I SOOO wanted to answer these and could NOT do it on my blog. My mom would KILL ME! (yes, I am 39 years old and I am still afraid of my mom. hehehe)
1: Have you ever skipped school?
Yes! As often as I could get away with it. I HATED school, as do most kids with ADD.
2. What is your favorite naughty word?
I’m not big on naughty words, but “douche-bag” is one of my faves.
3. Have you ever been arrested?
Almost got arrested during Mardi Gras in New Orleans one year. I was drunk and trying to convince the line of women outside the ladies room to use the mens room, like I did!
4. Do you and your spouse have a code that you use when you want sex?
My DH usually looks at me, wiggles his eyebrows and says, “you wanna?”
5. Do you have special names for … ahem…you know, either cute ones that you have your kids use or nasty ones that you and your spouse use?
Ok, these are really dumb, but we call mine the “cootchie-hopper” (don’t ask why…LOL) there is also a part we call “the man in the boat” I will let you figure that one out for yourself! hhehehehe
6. How many drinks does it take to get you sloshed?
Not really sure…I quit drinking because of my tendency to chain-drink, vomit everywhere and pass out.
7. Do you always wash your hands after you go potty or are you one of those gross people who comes out of the toilet in a public restroom and fixes their hair then leaves without washing?
I was a surgical assistant so I CANNOT leave without washing up, I JUST CANNOT!
8. When was the last time you played the clitar, dialed 9 on a rotary phone or spanked your monkey? Don’t have to, I have an incredibly generous DH! hehehe (this made me laugh outloud! I don’t like the C word, can’t say it, don’t like to hear it.)
9. What’s your favorite smell that others would consider weird?
Hmm…when I was a surgical assistant, I liked the smell when we used the electrocautery, a tool that burns tissue to make the bleeding stop. It made me hungry!
10. What is your favorite adult beverage?
Tom Collins, hands down. That or a White Spider
11. Favorite old school cartoon?
Thunder, Thunder, Thundercats!
12. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would do with the money?
Pay off my parents house note.
13. Have you ever fed a dog peanut butter just to see what would happen?
Yes, and I laughed my butt off!
14. Favorite blonde joke?
Q:What did the blonde say when she saw the box of Cheerios?
A: Oh look! Donut seeds!
15. Have you ever undressed Barbie and Ken and made them do it?
Of course.
16. Did you know gullible isn’t in the dictionary?
What? No Way! I better look it up…awww, you got me!!!! hehehehe
17. Shi*tiest car you’ve ever had?
1983 Ford Escort that I owned in 1991.
18. Most risque place you’ve ever done it?
Hmmm…another reason why I quit drinking…that is all I am gonna say.
19. Most embarrassing ass song that you just LOVE no matter what anyone thinks?
I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred
20. Ever puked out a car window?
When I was pregnant, I could literally vomit on command. It would hit me and I would tell DH to pullover and if I got the door open it was a good day. Otherwise, it was not.
21. Should I let D (her husband) get an alpaca?
Why does he want an alpaca? I mean, what do you do with just one?
I love your description of your attempt at sex at the beach!!
Fun meme. I love the smell of gas (from the gas station, of course). And #19′s answer? Priceless! HAH.
You crack me up girl..and I needed some funny today
♥
Everyone should have an alpalca, I think…
What a great (if nosy) meme! I love learning new things about you!! But, I must respectfully disagree with your assessment of the Ford Contour. I drove one for, like, 8 years and although it wasn’t the sexiest ride out there, it drove like a charm!
Oh my!!!! lol! I’ve been cracking up the whole way through. What to say?!
I totally order Shirley Temples and my hubs orders Roy Rogers ALL THE TIME! lol
I’m a lil traumatized by the Barbie experiences. lol
The throwing up in the car? Totally did it.
Oh, and I’m glad to know you don’t own any misbehaving monkeys.
I’m not a big drinker either. My drinks have to be girly, fruity and frozen!
I love this post. And yes, the f word is always a good go-to word. You have the most funny stories ever!
I agree with TMM, nice dodge. And after reading the comments, finding nobody willing to pay it forward, including the people that have already played and paid, I feel played out.
(Was that a response?)
Off to check out your featured blogger!
Oh! Mimeographed tests were awesome! Who didn’t hope that you’d get a test warm and fresh from the mimeograph machine, so you could sniff it? Of course, today, that’s called huffing, but whatev.
See, these were great questions, and now I’m going to have to answer them. I’ll post it tonight.
Great posting – thanks for the laughs! In my home Barbie and Ken never did anything other than get blown up – I was really into my home chemistry set! I will NEVER get one for my child!
Wow! Aren’t you brave?! I would do this, but my Dad reads my blog, and that would be a little AWKWARD!!
I love the smell of that paper too! How odd! And chalkboards. Yum!
I just so love this! You know it is my kind of humor:)
Haha, you always crack me up, Jen! And thanks for paying it forward with me!
Can’t wait to surprise you and have your neighbors youtube your reaction video when you jump and shout for joy at your neighborhood mail receptacle … and maybe even wet your pants. It might just be that good.
I played “Pay It Forward” last week, just wanted to say hi!
This was very fun. My mom and kids read my blog sometimes so I think I just better pass. I would definitely get myself into some trouble. The way the questions were going I have to say I had know idea what a alpaca was. Is that sad or what? I had to google it. :/
Yep, the triangle of femininity was classic.
Way to dodge #8. Nicely played Jenners.
Love your blond joke. Sick, but funny.
Huh, looks like no one wants to PIF…didn’t wanna say it cause I don’t either…well, I do, but I haven’t had many Johns lately due to the recession and the cops cracking down on hookerage in my area so I didn’t wanna commit to it.
But you did a great job on my sick-@$$ meme!
Great meme!!! You had me laughing with “triangle of femininity”… nice! And those things you did with your Barbies? A little twisted..I’m not gonna lie.
Well, that was amusing. My favorite was Car Wrecks with Barbie and Ken, complete with ketchup. Sounds like you should have been an EMT. (Or are you an EMT in your secret life?)
‘Fess up.
You did give your triangle of femininity a name: the triangle of femininity. The vomit story is awful. I can’t even believe it. I literally just got the chills.
Fun meme! I can’t handle more than one drink either
I’m usually the designated driver anyway. I skipped school once. I was a nerd trying to be “cool” and it almost backfired big time with the nuns in my high school.
I love Shirley Temples, too. I could eat cherries all.day.long.
i don’t want to play, but i may screw it up for you. i tried this and it was a huge disaster.
you and your excrement stories are just hilarious.
That was a pretty entertaining meme.
I like it. It’s funny how much better you know your blog friends than your rather friends (or is that just me?).
I’m not wanting to play right now, but good luck with your surprise presents. Sounds fun, I’m just afraid I have a bit too much on my plate already.