Goldilocks and the Three Bloggers
by Jenners • 04/16/2009 • Blogging Tips, Writers Workshop • 91 Comments
Thursday = Mama Kat’s Writer’s Workshop
Participate, read, comment!
This week I’m choosing:
4.) Share some blogging advice.
Once upon a time, a lovely young girl named Goldilocks was playing happily on the Internet while her little baby slept peacefully nearby. (Yes, she had a baby. She had struggled to put the baby to bed last night but now the wee babe was sleeping peacefully. This is a literary device called foreshadowing. The sleeping babe will come into play soon.) She was frolicking around on the nice safe haven that is Facebook — completing quizzes, sending Easter Peeps to her peeps and struggling to understand what to put in the new empty box. After all, the prompt “Goldilocks Is…” had recently disappeared — leaving her unsure of what to write. (Goldilocks wasn’t a very bright or creative girl; she needed that prompt.)
As she was playing around, she accidentally clicked on a link that led her to a strange world — the Land of Blog. “We’re not in Facebook anymore,” Goldilocks thought to herself (confusingly mixing up her story references). “All these pages look so different.” But Goldilocks was intrigued…she wanted to see more.
She clicked on a little sign that said “Next Blog.” Suddenly, a loud noise assaulted her ears. It was music playing loudly. Goldilocks didn’t know where the music was coming from — and the loud music woke up the wee babe. “Waaahhh….waaaahhhh,” cried the babe. “What the flippin’ hell?” thought Goldilocks, panicking. “What is happening?” She frantically clicked on “Next Blog” and the music blissfully stopped. “Oh my,” thought Goldilocks. “I sure don’t like that. The music scared the bejeezus out of me and woke up my sleeping baby. I sure don’t want to visit that blog again!”
The new blog she had clicked to was much more peaceful…but it was taking an awfully long time to load. Goldilocks kept waiting…and waiting…and waiting…and then she lost interest and clicked “Next Blog.”
The third blog was just right. No music was playing and the page loaded in under 5 seconds. “Wow,” thought Goldilocks, “this blogger must have checked their blog loading speed at Pingdom and used some handy blog optimization tips found at MintBlogger. It loaded in just 3.9 seconds!”
Goldilocks decided to check out this fast-loading blog that didn’t have music playing. She looked at the first post. But it was really hard to read. “This teeny tiny black type on a dark red background is really hard to read!,” she thought. “I’m getting a headache.” She clicked “Next Blog.”
The next blog had posts that were in an easy-to-read font size and had dark text on a light background (the easiest on the eyes). But the post was long and and centered and hardly any paragraph breaks. Goldilocks soon lost patience. “Long blocks of centered type with little or no white space sure is hard to read,” she thought. “I just don’t think I can read anymore of this!” She clicked “Next Blog.”
The third blog was just right. The font size was readable, the dark text on a light background was readable, the text was left justified (just like in books!), and there were lots of paragraph breaks to give her eyes a rest. “This is wonderful,” thought Goldilocks. “Even though this post is long, the blogger obviously tried to make reading it as easy as possible by making some smart choices about type size, font, white space, text justification and page background! Plus the writing is so darn funny that I want to read the whole post!”
Goldilocks read to the end of the post and saw there was a place where she could leave a comment. “Oh,” thought Goldilocks (whose nickname was Goldie, which is much shorter and easier to type … so let’s just call her Goldie from now on) “I want to tell this blogger how much I loved this post. I think I will leave a comment.” She clicked on the comment link and a box popped up. Goldie happily typed her witty and erudite comment and hit the submit button. A strange word appeared. “Nichscieslgheelsdl?” thought Goldie. “What the heck does that mean? And why are the letters so twirly and hard to read? Apparently I have to type this strange word before I can submit my comment. Screw it. I’m moving on.” So she clicked on “Next Blog.”
The next blog also had a great post so Goldie decided to leave another comment. She was excited to see what her comment would look like when published. After all, this is part of the fun of leaving comments. But even though she didn’t have to enter a pesky, nonsensical twisted up word, her comment didn’t appear. “What the heck?” thought Goldie. “Where is it?” She finally noticed that the comment had to be approved by the blog owner. “Oh,” thought Goldie, disappointed. She clicked on “Next Blog.”
The next blog also had a great post that Goldie wanted to comment on. Hesitantly, she clicked on the comment button. Would she have to jump through hoops to let this blogger know what she thought? Would she get to see her comment appear on the post? She held her breath and clicked “Submit.” No crazy words appeared and the comment appeared instantly on the post with all the other comments! This blog was just right.
“Awesome,” thought Goldie. “This made it easy for me to leave a comment and have a bit of fun on this blog. I wonder if those other bloggers know that the crazy word verification thing is just to prevent spam from appearing on a blog and isn’t really necessary. In fact, many blogs don’t use it and they don’t get spam!!! Plus, you could always turn it back on if you did develop a spam problem. And I wonder if the blogger with the comment moderation uses it so they don’t miss any comments? Don’t they know that they can have all their comments sent directly to their e-mail so they won’t miss a single comment (even if someone leaves a comment on a very old post)? Plus, this way they can easily reply to their visitors via e-mail if needed. All they need to do is go to this easy tutorial or this one to find out how to set it up!”
Goldie sure was enjoying her visit in the Land of Blog. She decided to stay awhile and quickly amassed a huge blogroll that she tried to visit every day. The first blogger she liked had great stuff but seemed to post about five times a day. “I just can’t keep up with all these posts,” thought Goldie. “Although the blogger may want me to read all of the posts, I just can’t do it. It is too much.”
The second blogger that Goldie liked had some wonderful posts but then didn’t post again for two weeks. Goldie had forgotten about the blog by the time the next post came around.
The third blogger posted once a day for 3 or 4 days during the week. “This is just right,” thought Goldie. “The posts come often enough that I can form a relationship with this blogger but not so often that I can’t easily keep up with the posts.”
Eventually, Goldilocks created her own blog — a blog that didn’t play music, loaded in under 5 seconds, used a readable type size, used dark text on a light background, left-justified the type, had paragraph breaks on longer posts, did not use word verification or comment moderation, and had posts just 3 to 4 times a week. She was also sure to be a good hostess and visit the blogs of any new visitors and she tried to respond to comments via e-mail if possible. She also tried to visit the blogs of regular readers as much as she was able to let them know how much she appreciated their visits. All in all, Goldilocks had fun blogging and she lived happily ever after in the Land of Blog.
I wish every blogger would read this post! This should be the new standard. And you conveyed it in such a witty precise manner. Thanks also for the links.
Wow … thanks for the feedback. I wrote this so long ago that I forget about it sometimes. I should probably check and make sure the links are still good.
Great way to share this info and keep us entertained at the same time! You hit on all the blog features that drive me NUTS. I’ve been wondering for a while now what to do when a follower un-follows. It’s pretty hard to tell which tiny face disappeared, and I always want to know why they left. A bit insecure, I guess. Of course I have also stopped following some blogs, but haven’t “officially” done anything, I just stopped going there. Have you seen this issue addressed anywhere?
Nice to meet you. I found you through Google when I was checking the legitimacy of being invited to give away the MyMemories software.
Tina @ Life is Good
The whole “why do people stop reading my blog” is one that every blogger agonizes over at some point (usually in the beginning of their blogging career). At some point, you just realize that people have busy lives and you need to just write what you enjoy and you’ll develop your group of regular readers and that will be enough. At three years in now, I’ve relaxed a lot about the number of followers I have or don’t have and just enjoy myself. Bets of luck with everything.
Spot. On. And it was a fun read! I’ve thought about writing a post listing the top 10 words I never want to see in a blog title again, but I would most likely offend many.
Oh let it rip!!! I’d be interested to learn the top 10 words!
Very cute way to give blog advice! If only I’d seen this two years ago – I just took my captcha’s off my comments a couple months ago, after reading another article. I hadn’t realized it frustrated so many readers.
I use Askimet only to keep spam out of my blog and it works really well without making people have to type in something extra. I’m used to it now but I always appreciate when a blog doesn’t have it!!!
Excellent post! I think I have those things covered already…but it is great to see a good post bring all those ideas together!
Glad you found it helpful. I was thinking the other day that I should review it and see if there are any additions or updates I should make.
That was brilliant. I had a right chuckle as I read it. I think I may have to go and take the word verification off my blog
Popping over from Sneaky Momma Blog Design!
Love this post i couldn’t have written it better if i tried.
Will defiantly be back!
xx
Jane
Glad you enjoyed it! : )
Just popped over from another blog praising this article.
And you know? It was just right!
xx
Aw shucks. Thanks! : )
Great tale! I’m starting my own blog and didn’t even consider the things you pointed out. Thanks.
Hope it is helpful. And have fun blogging … it is addictive!
Very well written. I don’t see how someone can write this well. I’m so jealous, and very, very impressed.
Why thank you! If I ever submit a book for consideration, can I use this comment? HAHA!
Lol, absolutely!
Cute fairy tale and wonderful advice!! I’m off to change the automatic start on the music on my blog right now…never thought about it being a pain like that…thanks!!
Tammy
Glad you found it helpful! One less “automatic music playing” blog makes me happy! : )
New to blogging, I suddenly realized I need to learn about blogger etiquette, so I plugged blogger etiquette into my search engine. The third article I read was at “Sneaky Momma Blog Design” and they had a link to your post. Your story is so fun and entertaining to read! I especially appreciated your mixed storybook references – “not on facebook anymore” indeed.
Thankyouthankyou!
So glad you found the article and enjoyed it! Have fun blogging … it is a ton of fun.
I’m brand new to blogging and really appreciate what you are sharing. Thanks!!
Thank you for the wonderful advice! Cute and educational!
Pingback: Your Blogging FAQs Asked and Answered
I loved your post! It’s been very helpful as I am new to the blogging world. Thank you!
Thanks for your feedback. Glad to hear you found it helpful. Happy Blogging!
Pingback: Your Blogging FAQs Asked and Answered
hahahaha this is a really funny post. atta go, girl! yeah, you really keepyourself sane with blogging. imagine, you thought of all these things? lol
Great fun way to explain Blogging manners. You are good!
Love this, such good advice for a new blogger such as myself!
That Goldie is ONE SMART GIRL!!!
That was awesome!
Hmmm…I wonder what Goldie would think of the Disqus comment-thingy. I just added it to my blog but I'm still not totally comfortable with it.
Thanks for sharing!
I absolutely loved this! And appreciate the tips…I'm fairly new to blogging and have decided to step it up a bit. I love to write and also need that creative outlet. Blogging is wonderful, and you're wonderful at it! I put a blurb on my site and linked to yours!
Hilarious!!! Thanks for the etiquette lesson!
As a Kinder teacher, loved your version of Goldie, and as a new blogger, thanks for the great advice!
CUTE story with a very useful moral! Thanks for writing!
This post was very good. I found myself going back to my blog and checking to make sure it was alright!
Thanks A Lot!
You're a GENIUS!
You're a GENIUS!
I loved this post. Found you over at Sneaky Momma and this post helped much. I'm new to the blogger world and would love to make my blog reader friendly. This is probably one of those emails you will get on a really old post.
Thanks for sharing!!!
I loved this post. Found you over at Sneaky Momma and this post helped much. I'm new to the blogger world and would love to make my blog reader friendly. This is probably one of those emails you will get on a really old post.
Thanks for sharing!!!
too funny. Thanks for all the advice in such a fun way. I will def look into that comment approval thing, because I'm one who puts it up so I dont miss comments.
Also thanks for the sites to see how long our site takes to load. I hope mine doesnt take too long
Jill featured this post on her Tip blog today and i just loved it.. i noticed somethings that i do may be a little bothersome to my readers that i need to fix!!
Heh! Love it! Missed you and your sense of humor Jenners! I hope since I haven’t posted for about 4 weeks that you haven’t forgotten about me!
You are so funny! I am so guilty of centering my words, because well I’m lazy. I like my photos centered and sometimes I’m too lazy after centering all to go back and fix the words. Then again I write little – hoping to encouraging the reading of the words I type by keeping it short and broken up with pretty photos.
Then I like tiny little one sentence paragraphs centered under the photo, kinda like magazines – but I think I overthink things. 
That Goldlocks chick sure gave some good bloggy advice in her fable. I’m pretty sure I was always the blog that was just right. Right? j/k.
WOW I love you! This is the coolest you are a hoot!
LOVE IT – The end!
Bravo! And thanks for the links. So…are you “Goldie” or are you the perfect blog that fits just right?
So many lessons to be learned from your story
Quick pageload? No music? Surely wasn’t my blog.
4.1 seconds and this was the best post I’ve ever read!!!
WOO!!!
A-men to that. CAPTCHA can SUCK IT.
Great post! And, very helpful! The music on blogs bothers me too. I just have my speaker turned off now.
I can’t believe you managed to pinpoint every single one of my pet peeves in one (very funny) post! Wait though… do you think the font size on MY blog is too small? Does MY page load okay? Uh oh… now I’m getting paranoid…
I love it! Goldilocks goes to the land of Oz.. and stays there!
I’m with you on that music thing.
Ha! I love that first comment.
This is great. You have hit on almost every point that drives me nuts when reading blogs, lol!
Cute story. Thanks for visiting my (online) crib:)
Great tips presented in such a creative way! I couldn’t make heads or tails of that site designed to optimize things but I think my site is probably a slow loader. I have no idea what to do to speed it up though beyond removing all those buttons (which I can’t do.)
Now that is a fairy tale I can get into. LOL! You are so clever.
Thanks! I think my blogs are better now -except my poetry blog has a dark background…
Oh, and thanks so much for the linky love!
Well done, Jenners!!!! This is perhaps the best post I’ve ever read about blog etiquette. I’m glad I’m not the only one who gets irritated by music that automatically plays. I just keep my computer speakers on mute.
Goldilocks is so freaking picky it’s not even funny.
But she does make some valid points…and I had no idea you could spped up your page load. Is mine slow?? I’ll have to check that out.
I’m glad Goldie joined in on the fun even if she IS hard to please with all of her demands. She’s lovely.
CUTE!!! You’re so dang creative!! Glad Goldie found some blogs she liked!
Haha. I’m not a fan of blogs that play music automatically, either.
Thanks for the kind words on my Writer’s Workshop post! I’m sure we’ll be seeing each other around the blogosphere.
That was an awesome story with great tips. I’ll tweet it and stumble it when I’m done here. Others need to read this.
I came here to let you know I “appreciated” you on my Blog Reader’s Apprecation Day post here: http://callistasramblings.blogspot.com/2009/04/blog-reader-appreciation-day.html
Great tips Goldilocks!! There are a lot of great blogs out there, and there are a lot of blogs that could be great if they just followed your advice:)
Such a clever way to get those tips to us! Goldie could teach a course on Blogging 101. Many of us could use a blogging pointer or two.
Haha! Great story, very creative! Thanks for the tips, Im off to see if I make it under the 5 second mark or not.
Hahaha… totally agree with all the advice except the word verification. I turned mine on because I was getting spammed! I know it’s a pain… but at least I don’t have to read comments about the miracle wieght loss drug on my blog anymore!
Awesome! You and I have similar advice.
So did Goldilocks find her Prince Charming and live happily ever after or did she become romantically involved with all of the blog relationships she developed?????
Cute idea. Did you think of it in the shower or while driving? Ha! Ha! Now, I need to check my load speed and various other things. Maybe if you felt like it, you could give me some more pointers? You know, in your spare time…Have a wonderful day, thanks for making me smile this morning.
You should have called her Goldiblogs instead of Goldilocks …
Mr Jenners
Best blog advice ever!
I hadn’t heard of pindom – how I have to go check my loading speed.
this should be posted as part of blogger’s user agreement and terms of service so every person that starts a blog can read (although who really ever reads that stuff?)
Holy freaking. I actually read the whole thing. I did. I’m in a hurry and I STILL read the whole thing…
Pingdom what?? I know you are amazing when I haven’t heard of something like that..
Thanks to Goldilocks.
Oh can you add this tute: I hate when I respond to a comment via email and it’s a great response all heartfelt and full of love, and I realize AFTER I hit send that I just emailed No-reply blogger. I hate that stinker No-reply.. who is he??
http://goodandcrazypeople.blogspot.com/2008/09/dear-no-reply-blogger.html
Please pardon the link in comment faux pas…
A very clever and entertaining way of giving blogging advice!
And I really hope that people realize what a pain it is to have to type in word verifications all the time!
Loved this!
I pretty much follow these rules, my blogs loads in 4.3 seconds so thats pretty good for a photo blog. And I fixed alot of other things over the last several months that help.
A Photo a Day – thats not too much I hope…
Great tips and cute idea to do it in a story format!
It makes me breathe a little easier to know that I don’t need to post every day. Maybe people would even like it more if I didn’t! Good idea- thanks!
A great way of sharing thoughts – there is a reason fairy tales have been around for so long!
Thanks. Now to turn off that word verification.
Finally a fairy tale that I can relate too and I learned some tips from it too!
Very clever!
That is just great!!! Lovely story!!!
BTW….I tried that Pingdom thing…..my blog loads in 2.4 seconds!!! WOOT WOOT!!!
Whew! I think you covered it all!
I do have the approval thing though because I’ve had some very inappropriate comments. Perverts.
Very clever spin on the story, Jenners! I’m impressed!
I can’t get past the fact that Goldilocks has a baby. Who’s the daddy? Does she even know?!
Now that is a beautiful story. Every blogger should read that in fact Blogger should adopt it and make people sign it before they start.
Wow – that was the best fairy tale I’ve read in a LONG time! Very impressive!
That Goldie is a bit of a blog-slut!