So on Monday, I challenge you (and myself) to take the new book Pride and Prejudice and Zombies as an inspiration and write your own unlikely mash-ups of authors/genres/books. This turned out to be harder than I thought. Many of my original ideas just didn’t quite pan out, but I did manage to come up with three. And I cannot wait to see what you all have come up with. I’m just quivering with anticipation. If you took me up on the challenge, but sure to link up your post to Mr. Linky below so we can all read each other’s stuff.
- Thou shalt have no other Domestic Divas before me.
- Thou shalt have seasonally appropriate cut flowers in a crystal vase in thy home at all times.
- Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s glue gun.
- Thou shalt give thy lifestyle over to Martha Stewart Living Omnimedia and thou shall rejoice.
- Thou shalt never use less than 300 thread count bedsheets.
- Thou shalt coordinate thy window hangings with thy napkins.
- Thou shalt not buy what thou can make by hand.
- Thou shalt not snicker at those brethren who do not carve decorative soap roses for thy guest bathroom.
- Thou shalt treat thy pets as though they were human.
- Thou shalt ponder why thou Domestic Diva feels OK selling wares at K-Mart…but thou shalt not get an answer.
I guess it would be called The Joy of Cooking
Plump and Juicy Chicken Breasts
4 plump, succulent round and firm chicken breasts
1 teaspoon of extra virgin olive oil
2 large eggs
1 cup of bread crumbs
2 teaspoons of hot pepper
- Preheat the oven to 400 degrees. Make sure it is nice and hot … really hot. Mmmmm….so hot and steamy.
- Take the virgin olive oil (handle gently) and rub it into the chicken breasts. Sensuously massage the oil over the breasts. Up and down. Up and down. Around and around. Yeah. Just like that. Oh, I like it. Don’t stop until the breasts are dripping.
- Crack the eggs into a bowl. Be firm — hit them hard on the side of bowl. Don’t be afraid to get a little rough. If the eggs use the “safe” word, just crack them gently.
- Beat the eggs until they are erect. Beat them hard — using a rhythmic up and down motion.
- Combine the bread crumbs and the hot pepper flakes in another bowl.
- Dip the oil-soaked breasts into the beaten eggs (lot of protein here). Make sure the breasts are completely dripping in eggs.
- Place the dripping breasts in the bread crumb mixture and massage the breasts all around the bread crumbs until they are completely covered.
- Put the breasts in a pan and place them in the hot oven. Cook for 20 minutes until they are hot, juicy and succulent.
- Let the breasts cool down a bit before taking a nibble. Nibble them slowly — taking time to enjoy each taste. Slow, slow slow and then faster, faster, faster. Yes … that is it. Yes. Yes Yes.
Serves 2 … or 3 or 4 if you swing that way
**** Do not under any circumstances attempt to make this recipe. If you do, Life and Little One and More will not be responsible for the taste of the food. This is a phony recipe made up for a comedic essay. Do not mistake it for a real recipe.
Rework the Classic Children’s Bedtime Story Goodnight Moon
as Goodnight Doom
In the blood red room
There was a razor-toothed clown
And a beggar with sores
And a picture of –
A hotel custodian chopping through doors
And there were three little creeps sitting on sheets
And two little ghosts
And a piece of toast
And a haunted house
And a dead spouse
And an axe and a gun and a taser to stun
And an evil gypsy who was whispering “Die”
Goodnight custodian chopping up doors
And the blood red floors
And goodnight toast
And goodnight screams
Goodnight haunted house
And goodnight spouse
Goodnight rabid dog
Goodnight to my body
And goodnight to the evil gypsy whispering “Die”
Goodnight…everyone’s beyond repair