Game 6: Commencement Speech
by Jenners • 06/19/2009 • Fun and Games, Lessons Learned • 28 Comments
Welcome to Game 6 of Fun and Games with Jenners! This time out, we’re writing commencement speeches. Tonight was the Little One’s graduation from Pre-Kindergarten. (Yes…they have graduations for that!) It was really sweet and cute — lots of songs and saying what they want to be when they grow-up. For the record, the Little One wants to be a scientist (which is a big step up from when he wanted to be an octopus!). So, without further ado, here is my commencement speech. Mr. Linky is at the end for you to link up your own speeches.
Well, you finally did it, huh? You’re graduating from college. You’re just minutes away from getting your diploma. “Real life” sits out there waiting for you — as opposed to the “fake life” you’ve led so far! But before you get turned loose, I’m here to impart some words of wisdom that I’ve learned during my 41 years here on earth.
With any luck, you’ll soon get your first “real” job. When you start, you’ll be a little nervous and afraid, but eventually you’ll find out what no one tells you — we’re all faking it a little. In addition, hardly anything you just learned in college is going to be helpful to you in a real-world working situation — unless you majored in interpersonal relationships and bullshit detecting and have a minor in learning to fill an 8-hour day with 4 hours of real work. I’m here to tell you: choose your workplace carefully. Choose work that fulfills you in some way or your days are going to be very very very long. If you can align your interests, dreams and happiness with your career, you are going to be a much more satisfied person.
Of course, it may be a little bit late to be telling you this — seeing as you are graduating and all. If it was up to me, college would be for people in their late 20s — people who have had a chance to kick around in the workplace a little to see what they like and don’t like. Then they can make an informed decision about what they want to do for a career. So remember, it is OK to start over again. People do it all the time — don’t be afraid of it.
So now for somepractical advice.
Beware of joining Columbia House for 14 free CDs for a penny. They are able to track you forever and will continually try to entice you to rejoin. I joined one time when I was your age, and they are still sending me mailers despite several name changes and a cross-country move. However, if you are looking for a missing person, check with Columbia House. Chances are they know where that person is right now.
Don’t buy the first generation of any electronic gizmo. Wait until the second or third generation. My first stereo was the size of a garden shed and cost about $600. Today, I could carry a comparable system in the palm of my hand and pay about $150. Although it might be tempting to be the first one to get a particular gizmo, you’ll end up regretting it when the price drops by hundreds of dollars in the first few years and the gizmo is refined and all the bugs are removed.
When you spend your hard-earned money, spend a little more and buy the quality item rather than the cheap item. In the long run, paying a little bit more for quality will save you hundreds of dollars. If you buy cheap, chances are you will have to buy another and another and another and another — eventually paying more than if you just bought quality in the first place.
Make time for vacations. Everyone needs to get away from their regular life and recharge their batteries. You’ll find people who hoard their vacation time and never use it. Don’t be one of those people. Promise yourself that you’ll take at least one vacation every year. It doesn’t have to be an expensive trip to somewhere exotic. You don’t even need to leave your home. But take a break from your regular life as often as you can. You’ll be a happier person if you do.
Somewhere in your mid-20s, your body is going to betray you. You will find your body forming into new and strange shapes. You will find that it isn’t possible to stay out all night and function the next day. So take good care of your body. Make exercise and eating healthy a habit now — because once the Great Betrayal comes, it will be easier to fight back if you don’t have to undo a lifetime of bad habits. Trust me on this … I totally know what I am talking about.
Learn how to be alone. If you can feel comfortable by yourself, life will be easier in the long run. There will be times when your friends and family will be far away from you. Learning how to be alone and be fulfilled is a necessary skill. Start cultivating this skill now and you’ll thank me for it later.
When choosing a partner for life, choose someone who makes you laugh over someone who makes you hot and bothered. If you live with someone long enough, the hot and bothered part will fade but the laughter won’t. And if you can get someone who makes you hot and bothered and makes you laugh, then you’ve hit the jackpot.
Finally, don’t get blinded by the unimportant things in life — money, clothes, material possessions, status, job titles. Instead, remember that people are what is truly important — everything else is just gravy. If you are loved and can love others, you are rich beyond reward. I know this sounds hokey but it is true. A fancy job title and all the money in the world can’t fulfill you like the love of a child, your family, a friend or your partner in life.
And most importantly, learn to really love yourself. A person who loves themselves is beautiful to others. So give yourself a break. You’ll never be perfect or look exactly how you want or have all the talents you wish you had. Love yourself anyway and learn to embrace what is special and unique about you.
In conclusion, I want to thank you for the honorary degree in astrophysics. As someone who considers it “magic” when I flip a light switch and the lights come on, I’m hoping this degree will confer a better understanding of how the world works. And as I leave you, I want to share some words from a wonderful poet and songwriter, Bob Dylan. (After all, I’m fairly certain I’m legally obligated to share a quote in my commencement speech.) These lyrics from the song Forever Young pretty much encapsulate what I wish for all of you.
May God bless and keep you always,
May your wishes all come true,
May you always do for others
And let others do for you.
May you build a ladder to the stars
And climb on every rung,
And may you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.May you grow up to be righteous,
May you grow up to be true,
May you always know the truth
And see the light surrounding you.
May you always be courageous,
Stand upright and be strong,
And may you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.May your hands always be busy,
May your feet always be swift,
May you have a strong foundation
When the winds of changes shift.
May your heart always be joyful,
May your song always be sung,
And may you stay forever young,
Forever young, forever young,
May you stay forever young.
So now it is your turn. Did you write a commencement speech? If so, link up in Mr. Linky below so we can all enjoy it and reap the benefits of your wisdom.
Jen ~ This was AWESOME! You had me giggling with Columbia House and crying at Learn how to be alone… those are REAL life lessons! Excellent!
Thanks so much for linking me! I was gone but this was a fun game!
Seriously, where was this speech when I needed it??
Congrats to the Graduate!
Wow! Advice I could have actually used way back when! But have learned through doing them all through the years.
Good address. I just linked mine a bit late, but it has a slightly different premise.
Congratulations to your little graduate
I loved this speech. Very well done, and there are sage words of advice there. I was totally sucking into that Columbia house early on. Big mistake!
Very. Very. GREAT! I loved the part about your stereo being the size of a garden shed! So true!!!!
I love what you've done here.
I don't know that I've ever seen the lyrics to Forever Young. Thanks so much for sharing them. 
Sorry I was so late with my entry!
First of all, Congrats to your little man!!
and I loved, loved, loved that speech. So true about Columbia house!! lol!
Yay – I posted my speech too!
http://ladyfi.wordpress.com/2009/06/21/graduation-wisdom/
I finally got around to posting my speech.
Great commencement speech! Funny – and wise!
Must get my thinking cap on now and see if I can come up with something…
I remember my sister joining Columbia House back when they offered LPs and 8-track tapes! no kidding!
Congrats on pre-K graduation; our youngest has one more year …
Your speech is wonderful, spot-on advice!
Very useful information that I wish was given unto me at the ripe young age of 6.
Fricken clearing houses.
Well, why would I even attempt since yours is like the very best one ever?
Hi Jenners,
I love your commencement speech. You have so many nuggets of wisdom about life and what is important. Congratulations to your little one.
Being a scientist is nice, but I liked the octopus aspiration : )
Best. speech. ever. Seriously, I'm *this close* to printing it out and hanging it on my wall, just so I can read it every day.
Except I don't like your prediction of my body betraying me in my mid-20s. That could mean that any day now my life could change forever! And yeah, I saw it happen to Mike at 26 (seriously, it was like an overnight phenomenon!) but I'm hoping I can avoid it just a… little… bit… longer…
Loved it! I so would have quoted you on the do something you love part. Too many young folks are in search of the big prize and they don't realize how unsatisfied it will leave them. Great job and fun challenge
Happy pre-k graduation to Little One!
Know what I wished someone warned me about? Paperwork. Nobody told me about all the paperwork I would have to fill out in my adult life, and really there should have been some sort of preparatory course for the mounds of crap I seem to need to fill out, date, and sign.
Hi Jenners, I couldn't think of a wonderful, inspirational speech like you. So I went the goofy way and made a silly advice list for the "graduates". I had fun anyway!!
Great advice! I agree with you that it is important to feel o.k. with being alone sometimes. Life's trials can be weathered better if we can handle those alone times. I actually enjoy those solitary times:) A partner who makes you laugh does make for a happier life. I fell for those CD deals unfortunately. I still have some clunker CDs sitting in the back of my cabinet from those days.
This is a wonderful speech. You should print it and present it to the Little One everytime he graduates. Maybe you could get it published in your local paper or The New York Times living section. Really… Or Ladies Home Journal?
There is a lot of wisdom in this speech. I agree that college should come after several years of life experience, starting in the late twenties.
The idea of Columbia House as a missing persons locator cracked me up!! Well done!
Best advice ever!
And yes – we are all totally faking it a little.
Wondeful advice.
This made me tear up.
I am so with you on the Columbia House thing. I fell for it. Oops.
*clap* *clap* *clap* whhoooo hhhooeewww *clap* *stick fingers in mouth and wistle* *clap* *through cap up in the air*
hehe
This was a great speech with some wonderful advice. I did the cd thing but it was with BMG. I think I somehow finally got off their mailing list, 5 years later I was still getting the big packet of dated CD's they thought I should buy.
Have a great weekend.
hey jenners! that actually was really sound advice!
I remember seeing all those cd's advertised for so cheap as a young teenager I couldn't understand why my mom would not order them all for me.
What a great speech – I wish more practical advise is given in these speeches.
Especially the Columbia House one! I totally fell for that in high school!
Congrats on your little Pre-K Graduate!
I LOVED your commencement speech – may I borrow it 20 years from now to give to the Princess Nagger? 