A Eulogy For My Father
by Jenners • 08/28/2009 • Love and Loss • 56 Comments
On August 22, my father died.
He did not die in a usual way. He was not sick. He was not old. To my father, sickness and old age were things that he wanted to avoid.
Instead, my father died doing what he loved to do — climbing in the mountains of Montana. He had climbed the route he was on before, and he had visited Glacier many times. When we heard he was going to climb in Glacier, we didn’t worry too much. He was an experienced climber, and he was in good company. My brother was climbing with him and said they were having a great day.
But at one point on the trail, something caused my father to fall. He fell 300 feet and he died instantly. For that small blessing, I am grateful. I am glad he didn’t suffer and I pray he didn’t have a moment of terror or knowledge of what was coming. I hope it simply happened so fast that he never knew what happened and woke up to find himself with God.
For those of us who are left behind, we are simply numb and in shock. He left us so abruptly and unexpectedly that it is difficult to believe that he is gone. My father had a memorable personality. He stood out in a crowd. He was fun to be around. He had a keen mind. He had enthusiasm and zest for life. He didn’t do things halfway.
I owe my father so much. He was responsible for making me the person I am today, and I am eternally grateful for all the gifts he bestowed on me.
One gift was a love for reading. One of my clearest childhood memories of my father is reading T.H. Whites’ The Once and Future King. We would sit together in the living room and he would read aloud to me. I can hear him reading about Sir Pellinore and his search for the Questing Beast even now. My father was an avid reader — he read obsessively his entire life. Every conversation I had with him ended with the question “So what are you reading now?” I know he was working his way through some of the classic books he had missed at the time he died. He had recently read Treasure Island and Robinson Crusoe. He felt that I needed to read Treasure Island — that I would really enjoy it. This love of reading made him so easy to buy presents for. I would just call him up and say “Add some books to your Amazon wish list” and the next day, he would have added at least 10 different books on a wide variety of topics.
Another gift he gave me was an appreciation for music. When I was a young girl, I had appalling taste in music. My very first record was Donna Summer’s “Bad Girls.” I thought the Bay City Rollers were wonderful. My father let this slide, but when I came home from seeing Sgt. Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band — the movie version starring the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton — he had had enough. It was time for my musical education to begin. He explained to me about the Beatles — the true geniuses behind Sgt Pepper — and from there he introduced me to the Rolling Stones, Leadbelly, Chuck Berry, Buddy Holly and other pioneers of rock and roll. I remember him waking me up in the morning to tell me that John Lennon had been murdered. We both cried together at that loss. One of “our” movies was The Last Waltz — the documentary film about the last concert of The Band. It was a film we saw together when I was about 12 years old and again when it was rereleased 20 years later. We danced to one of the songs from the Last Waltz soundtrack at my wedding. But it wasn’t just classic rock and roll that we discussed. He loved classical music as well. Every year on the first day of spring, he would call me to remind me to play Carl Orff’s Carmina Burana. He would play it too. It was our own rite of spring.
My dad was passionate about movies too. He often took me to see movies that were probably too “old” for me … but he made me feel important and grown-up when he discussed them with me. I remember going with him to see 2001: A Space Odyssey. I was blown away by that movie. I remember discussing it with him on the way home — trying to decide if we would travel to outer space and visit other dimensions if given the opportunity. We decided we both would. Other important films in our “father-daughter” canon of films were Spinal Tap and Monty Python and the Holy Grail. For years, we would call each other after every Oscar broadcast to discuss the show and whether we thought the right films and actors had won.
There are so many things I want to tell you about my dad but I know it isn’t possible to capture everything about him. But here are just a few things that make me smile when I think about him.
- He never did anything in a small way. If he was going to do something, he did it whole hog. Even sneezing. He didn’t just sneeze once, he would sneeze 15 times in a row.
- He loved to eat and wasn’t shy about it. Whenever he visited us back East, he would provide me with his list of foodstuffs that he wanted on hand: Taylor pork roll, Habbersett Scrapple, Drakes Coffee Cakes. I remember one time at a wedding, he was seated at Table 10. (Every table was to go up to the buffet in numerical order.) As the bride and groom and the wedding party approached the table — the first to eat — my father disappeared. We looked all over for him — only to find him up at the buffet right behind the bride!
- My father had horrible handwriting. Whenever he sent me a letter, it would take hours to translate. I saved every letter he ever wrote me in college as it was like receiving a coded message and it took time to decode to discover what he wanted to say to me. This made even the most banal letter seem precious.
- My father had rather large bushy eyebrows and often had a mustache. In an airport once, a lady asked him for his autograph — thinking he was Gene Shalit, the movie critic.
- The only person who could partner with my dad in Pictionary was my mom. You had to understand the weird way his mind would work to understand his clues. Plus his drawings were abstract in the extreme.
- My dad was a bit of a pack rat — both for his things and the rest of the family. Every time he would visit me, he would bring along some relic from my past — my autographed Larry Bowa baseball, an old ball I had left at the house, a photo book I’d created in grade school. It was always fun to see what treasure he would unearth for me next.
My heart is heavy to think that my dad is gone. It is difficult for me to comprehend a world without him in it. He was a wonderful father and I know he touched the lives of many people — from the patients he treated as a physician to his fellow climbers who shared his fierce love of the outdoors. He cherished my mother and I know he would have fallen apart completely if she had been the first to go. I seem to remember a saying along the lines of “The greatest gift a father can give his children is to love their mother.” In this aspect, he succeeded wonderfully.
One thing I know is that he knew I loved him. I always ended my conversations with my dad the same way. “Love you, Dad.” “Love you too, Jen,” he would reply. This was our “sign-off” since I was a small girl. (I make my mom say it too.) So I have no regrets in that regard.
I’ll miss you Dad. I love you.
“Eventually, all things merge into one, and a river runs through it. The river was cut by the world’s greatest flood and runs over rocks from the basement of time. On some of the rocks are timeless raindrops. Under the rocks are the words, and some of the words are theirs. I am haunted by the waters.”
Rest In Peace, Dad.I love you so much.
Jenners – what a wonderful tribute to someone who is truly a wonderful man. You write so passionately and eloquently, allowing us to see a glimpse of him. Know that a lot of what you admire in him is reflected in the woman he raised you to be.
I'm so behind on my blog reading that I missed this post when you first wrote it. I'm so sorry, Jenners. He sounds like an amazing person and a wonderful father. My thoughts are with you and your family.
What an amazing story and touching tribute. He must have been a great guy to inspire you to write such a lovely post.
Oh, Jen -
I've been so wrapped up in my own stuff that I missed this until now. I am so, so sorry for your loss, but so happy that you don't have any regrets about your relationship. You've made me feel like I knew you dad, just a little, through this post, and it's a beautiful testament to his legacy. Aren't we lucky to have known and loved such special people, even though it never seems like long enough?
I just found your blog through BBAW and just want to say how sorry I am for your loss. My mother died just last year at the age of 65 and I miss her everyday. God Bless.
Jenners – I'm so sorry! Shocking and unbelievable. Yet, also, to the last being a great example to his grandkids – being a grandfather yet still active and interested enough to go mountaineering.
I love the photo you chose to include. Many hugs to you.
You've written a wonderful tribute to your dad. I know your heart is heavy with the loss of him but I marvel at the wonderful relationship you shared with him. It's a blessing you will always have. May peace and grace surround you as you mourn your loss.
Amy
What a wonderful tribute to your father. I'm so sorry for your loss. {{{HUGS}}}
I offer my deepest condolences to you and your family. It's awful to lose someone so abruptly, and my heart goes out to you.
{hugs}
oh my…this is my first time visiting your blog. not even sure how i got here.
i am SO sorry to hear about your dad. he sounds like an amazing man!
Jen,
I'm so sorry for your loss. You are in our thoughts and prayers.
I am so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute!
What a treasure of memories you have of your father! Thank you for sharing this. I smiled at the thought of your dad at the wedding right behind the bride and I cried as I read your last paragraph.
Stopping by again to say you're in my thoughts and sending hugs!
I am so sorry to hear about your dad. He sounds like such a special guy. Your eulogy was beautiful and made me cry.
Jen-
I am so, so sorry to hear about your father's passing. Your post was so beautiful and heartfelt that I have been crying reading it. Your dad sounds like he was a wonderful person and I know you will miss him tremendously. Of all the things to also have in common, I hate that the recent loss of our fathers is now one of them.
If you ever, EVER need to talk about it, I am here for you. I mean it.
I am sending one thousand thoughts, prayers and hugs to you, my sweet friend.
I'm so sorry for your loss. What a beautiful tribute.
I'm terrible at this.
Sending you a huge hug…….and words to tell you how beautiful this eulogy for your father is.
Losing a parent is one of the hardest things I've ever had to go through……wishing you comfort…..
I hope your brother is OK?
What a lovely tribute to your father. You never want to lose a gem like him, but at least he went out doing something he loved. My thoughts are with you.
You have written such a beautiful and loving tribute for your father. I am so sorry for your loss.
My heart is breaking for you. This eulogy is so moving and so filled with emotion, it's easy to see how much your father means to you and how he infuenced your life. Just reading the kind of man he was would make me love him. He sounds like one of the most caring, loving men in the world.
His spirit will be with you always. Cherish your memories.
Oh Jenners, I am so sorry for your loss. I honestly don't know if it hurts more when you have time to say goodbye, or if they are taken from us so abruptly. It sure sounds like your dad embraced life though and just keep those happy memories close by.
Oh Jen, I'm so sorry. What a beautiful post and I hope you can take some comfort in knowing that he was doing what he loved when he died.
My thoughts and sympathies are with you and your family.
What a wonderful way to celebrate someone who obviously inspired you so much. I watch The Last Waltz for the first time about a year ago. It made a huge impact on me even then. I guess it helps that I was already a fan of The Band but it's something I think about on a regular basis. It's wonderful that you could share that with him.
I am so sorry to hear this tragic news.
You have written the best tribute I have ever seen on a blog. Your love for him and his passion for life shines through.
Treasure those memories!
I am so sorry for your loss, and my heart goes out to you and your family.
I would like to thank you for sharing some of your memories of your father. It really showed how much you loved him, and made me wish I knew him.
What a gift that you have given US! You shared your memories with all of us at a time when you could have remained private and quiet and we would have all understood.
I love the quote from The Little Prince "…In one of the stars I shall be living. In one of them I shall be laughing. And so it will be as if all the stars were laughing, when you look at the sky at night…You – only you – will have stars that can laugh."
— Antoine de Saint-Exupéry (El Principito / The Little Prince)
It reminds me that your dad will be smiling down on you and your family, smiling and rejoicing when you do, sorrowing when you do, and cheering like all get out! He'll be in every book you read and share!! What great memories you are blessed with. Cherish them!
I am so sorry for your loss – but what an amazing tribute you wrote.
I am very sorry for the great loss to yourself and your family…but to leave behind people who loved you and at the last moment of your life to be doing something that you love..
well, that has to be a small consolation.
I'll say a wee prayer for him and your family tonight.
My heart goes out to you and your family! Thank you for sharing your dad with us!
What a beautiful tribute to your dad. With Sympathy.
karen k
kmkuka(at)yahoo(dot)com
This was beautiful, Jenners! So sorry and hang in there!
What a shock for you! I am so sorry for your loss. Your thoughts are beautiful and I am sure that wherever he is, he is so proud of you right now. Sending you and your family prayer and hugs.
My heart goes out to you. I am so glad you remember him so well.
Lovely post I hope it was "healing" for you to write as it was for me to read.
I sometimes cannot believe my gran is gone – like you with your dad. It still feels like shes here.
Thank you for sharing. I'm sorry for the loss of your father. It's nice that you have great memories of him. Prayers for your family.
I'm so very sorry for you loss Jen. Your dad sounds like a wonderful person and you've written a lovely tribute to him. Sending you big hugs.
Thank you for sharing your wonderful father with us Jenners. Your post resounds with your love for him. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't begin to imagine what you are going through. My thoughts are with you and your family.
Oh my gosh Jenners you just brought tears to my eyes. What an absolutely BEAUTIFUL message to your father that I am sure he appreciated! We are all here for you, and know you have a strong community around you supporting you. I am sure your dad was proud to have a daughter that is so loved and respected even by people she hasn't met in person!! Padfoot and I both will be thinking about you and your family.
My heart goes out to you and your family. I can only imagine the pain that you are going through right now. All of the happy memories that you have of your dad will help you along your painful journey. He may be gone, but he will always be with you. (HUGS)
Reading about your father, I can see him and feel I know him. What a wonderful man.
I lost my father in August 2005 after a horrific 2-year battle with stomach cancer. After he'd gone I realised I had nothing written in his hand because he'd never sent cards or letters. I hope your father's letters and the happy memories you have of him will bring you comfort in the years to come, because, as other people have said here, it doesn't get any easier.
I am so sorry for your loss. He sounds like an amazing man. My mom died 10 years ago and I will always cherish the moments I did have with her. Hang on to those memories.
Jenners,
I am so very sorry for your loss. You tribute to your dad was just beautiful. He sounded like an amazing person, and a wonderful father. May these beautiful memories sustain you at this difficult time.
Jenners,
I am so very sorry! I can't imagine the pain you are feeling right now, but I know your father is so very proud of you. Your tribute was absolutely amazing and really gave me an idea of what a wonderful man and devoted father he was. My thoughts and prayers will be with you and your family.
What a wonderful tribute to your dad. I am so sorry for your loss-I know that words can't help you right now, but know you are in my thoughts.
I have an award for you-hopefully it will make you smile in this tough time.
Jenners, I am so sorry for your loss. Many prayers and thoughts coming your way as you go through this difficult time. This post was an amazing tribute to your dad. He sounded like an amazing man and an overall great guy.
What a beautiful and loving tribute to your father. I can tell he was a very special man and that you loved him deeply. I cannot imagine the pain you are in right now. I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.
What a beautiful tribute! I'm so sorry for your loss and you and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I lost my dad 10 years ago, a bit unexpectedly, and I still think of him every day. Despite the tears in my eyes while I read this, I smiled, too. It sounds like your dad was a wonderful man and you have lots of fond memories.
–Anna
Diary of an Eccentric
Jenners, that is a wonderful tribute! I lost my father when I was eleven and it's all the little things we shared that I remember so well. It is tough for those left behind. Even though we know our loved ones are in the glory of God, WE hurt because we will miss them. May God help you find peace in this tragedy.
And your father had great tastes in movies!
L. Diane Wolfe “Spunk On A Stick”
http://www.circleoffriendsbooks.blogspot.com
I am so sorry for your loss. This post is a beautiful eulogy and a tribute to your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
What a fitting tribute to a clearly amazing man.
To say "I'm sorry for your lose" feels so trite. I can not say "I know . . ." because I do not. I can only imagine how sad you are right now. My father has been my best friend for so many years, often the harbor I'd look for when my life was in chaos. Even though I know it will happen one day, I can not picture life without him.
I am sorry for your lose. He seemed like a wonderful man that made the world a better place to be in. I loved the part about him being right next in line for the food. Thank you for sharing those personal moments with us. We're all here for you Jenners
What a lovely tribute.
May you and your family be comforted at this time.
My condolences to you on the loss of your dad. Your tribute to him was just beautiful, and frankly has me in a bucket of tears here! I lost my dad when I was 16, and thirty two years later I miss him as if it was yesterday.
Keep your memories close to your heart, my dear. They are precious!
Sharon
My heart goes out to you and your family. What a wonderful tribute to your father. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing that wonderful tribute to your father. It was really beautiful.
Jenners, that was so beautiful. Thank you for sharing with us.
My Dad passed away suddenly from a heart attack two years ago, when I was 24. Writing his eulogy was the most important piece of writing I've ever done. Even if I do publish a novel some day, I can't imagine anything can top that.
No advice really works, and yet I always feel compelled to give some. It doesn't get a little better every day. There are good days and bad days. For me, I was sort of in a bubble of grief for a year, and still am not the same. I had still been going to grief counseling (something that I HIGHLY recommend, even if it's just for a few months), every 2 or 3 weeks until my insurance changed this summer and my therapist was out of network.
Feel free to e-mail or tweet me if you want to talk.