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1. What’s ailing you? Diagnose yourself with a syndrome.
I think I’ve come down with PVS — Pre-Vacation Sickness. It never fails … we have a mini-vacation planned (we leave on Friday), and today I’ve come down with a terrible cold. My head aches. My body aches. I’m sniffly. So it is 7:30 p.m. and I’m going to bed.1
5. What are you afraid of?
Well, here is a handy little list of some of my fears sorted from A to Z.
A = Alligator attacks
B = Bee swarms
C = Clowns (thank you, Stephen King!)
D = Drowning
E = Eternal damnation
F = Ferris Wheels
G = Gorillas in heat
H = Heights
I = Insects of all shapes and sizes
J = Jaws of life being needed to remove me from a car
K = Kitchen fires (a very real threat thanks to my “high heat cooking” techniques)
L = Losing a body part
M = Misplacing important travel documents right before a vacation
N = Nooses
O = Oompah Loompahs
P = Poisonous mushrooms
Q = Quiet — and the Little One is not in eyesight
R = Rollercoasters that are more than 25 feet high
S = Serial killers (except Dexter)
T = Tarantulas
U = Underarm odor
V = Vapid conversation at parties
W = Whispering when I’m alone in the house
X = X-rays vision and I’m wearing my granny panties
Y = Yellow snow
Z = Zipperless skinny jeans
1 This post is my submission for “Lamest Writer’s Workshop Ever.” I think I’ll win it hands down.