Dispatches from the Land of Grief
by Jenners • 09/05/2009 • Lessons Learned • 38 Comments
First of all, I want to thank everyone for their lovely and supportive comments following the death of my dad. Your comments really helped me and I felt so supported. Thank you so much!!!
I just want to let you know that the memorial service for my dad was beautiful and very healing. It was a great way to remember him and celebrate his life. Lots of people stood up and talked about the effect he had on their lives — everyone from his climbing partners to patients he had treated. It was very comforting to hear from so many people about how my dad touched their lives. And one constant refrain was how much my dad packed into his life. He really didn’t waste many moments — and I think that is a very important legacy that he can give to all of us. Don’t waste your life doing what you don’t love. Fill your days with what makes you happy, and take time to enjoy, listen and learn.
It was also wonderful to be with my mom and my brothers, sister-in-law and nieces. It helped so much to grieve together as a family. We all left each other feeling much better than when we arrived in Montana. I realize now the benefit of all the rituals that surround death. They truly do help.
That being said, we came home to New Jersey to find out that a good friend of ours had passed away. This was very unexpected. She had been hospitalized since June with this weird illness that caused her a lot of pain. (She was also pregnant.) However, the last time I visited her before I left on vacation, we were all hopeful that she was getting better slowly but surely. She was working on rehabilitation and there was talk that she would be moving from the hospital to a rehab center. However, something happened (we’re still not sure exactly what), and the doctors ended up performing an emergency c-section. The baby (though several months premature) is doing OK. However, our friend experienced multiple problems that led to her passing away earlier this week. She leaves behind a bereft husband, a 1-year-old daughter and a newborn son. To come home from my father’s memorial service to find out this news plunged me once again into grief and despair. Sometimes the world feels so cruel and awful.
My friend was a wonderful person who had finally found a man who loved her fully, discovered the joy of motherhood and was so excited about expanding her little family. For her life to end so suddenly and in the “thick of things” just rips my heart into pieces. I think of her children growing up without their mother and it makes me feel sick inside. Please pray for her and her family. They will need all the prayers they can get right now.
Feeling so burdened with grief and sadness, I contemplated just giving up blogging altogether. I don’t feel very cheery or happy or funny right now. In fact, it takes all my energy to just get through the day. However, Mr. Jenners told me my dad would be furious is I stopped doing what I love to do.
So here I am. Writing a blog post that isn’t funny and just filled with sad things. But I’m going to keep on writing and I’ll find my way back in time. Thanks for bearing with me and being so supportive during this really sad time.
And if you can do one thing for me, do this: Tell your loved ones that you love them. And think about how you can make your life as happy and fulfilled as you can. You just never know when things might fall apart so make the best of what you have now. It is a lesson that is easy to forget in the midst of everyday life.
And if you want to hear from me from when I was feeling a bit more chipper, go on over and check out my Follower of the Month post on Ter’s blog — With An Angel on My Shoulder. Ter knows a thing or two about grief herself so I find myself relating even more to her. And if nothing else, tell Ter she should read the Twilight books. It is kind of thing I’m working on … I will get her to read those books one way or another!!
Again, I'm just so so sorry for your loss. I know it's something that everyone goes through, but that fact doesn't make it any easier. AT ALL. I'm glad to know that you have so many amazing family members, and that you were all able to grieve together and get some sort of closure and healing. I'm also glad that you're not giving up blogging, because your husband is totally right! You're my favorite, chipper or not!
I'm so sorry about your father. I lost mine a few years ago and it is a very tough experience.
And I'll send postive thoughts towards your friend's family.
Such a sad story, thankfully the baby is doing okay.
I'm so sorry for all that you're going through. So sad for your friend.
I am so sorry Jen. My thoughts go out to you. {Hugs}
So sorry to hear this sad news!!!
I don't even know what to say except that I'll be praying for you and your friends family.
I'm so sorry, Jen. I have no words that will help, this I know, but I also know that we will read you always… funny OR sad… it doesn't matter. We love YOU — and that means all of you… XOXO
Mr. Jenners is right… you love writing… and writing from your heart isn't always happy and chipper… sometimes it's downright devastating but it's what makes us human… if you were smiling every damn day I would be driving to New Jersey to find out what kind of drugs you were on so we could share!
Write as a way to vent… It's okay to make me cry as much as you make me laugh… and when you feel especially low, lean on over here and we'll support you…
I am so sorry you and your loved ones are going through this right now. I know nothing I can say here will help ease that pain, but I am always just an email away or a blogging comment if you ever want to vent.
I am so sorry to hear of all this that you have been experiencing. You are still in my prayers. You don't have to be funny to post…I enjoy reading your posts no matter the subject. It is wonderful you got to hear all the memories everyone has of your dad. Lots of love to you…Christy
I was just thinking about you. I am so sorry to hear that your friend passed away. Prayers for her family.
Nobody expects you to bounce back from this so quickly. There's no need for you to try to be funny at all. Just be yourself. We love you for the complete person you are.
Continued prayers, Jen!
xoxo
What a hard time in your life. I am so sorry. I will be thinking of you.
Oh Jenners!! So many hugs to you and to the family of your friend. I can't imagine the pain you all are suffering and I can only offer you the small comfort of telling you that you are all in my thoughts. {{{HUGS}}}
Jenners, I'm worried about you and hoping you can see the sun through all the grey in your life right now. My thoughts and prayers are with your friends husband and children. Kiss the little one as he heads off to Kindergarten this week. Just remember you don't have to be funny for us to love you!
I totally missed you while you were away. And my blog has been grieving too. It is hard to blog when your life feels skewed. But it really helped me to have an adult outlet and to just spew it all out that first day. Slowly, they are coming back around and its not all sad. I am very glad to see you again. And I feel for you and with you. Loss sucks.
Sending love your way,
Becky
Ohhhhhhh Jenners! You've been having a rough few weeks, haven't you? I'm so sorry about your friend… I'm glad the baby's doing OK, but am sad for her family. I'll be keeping them – and you – in my constant thoughts and prayers.
I'm glad you're not going to give up blogging – I've only truly recently discovered you and love you dearly, so you would be sorely missed. But take your time, we'll all be here for you whenever you feel the inspiration to post. And if you need ANYTHING, email me anytime, 'k?
((HUGZ!!))
I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. That's really terrible. I will pray for her family.
I love how your Dad approached life. He truly knew that life should be a feast celebrated to the fullest. Remember that he is applauding you each step of the way with pride and love. Based on your description of your Dad, it is clear that you share his gift of brightening others' lives. Please know that I'm thinking of you. Hugs, my friend
"Don't waste your life doing what you don't love."
This message keeps coming to me. Perhaps I need to seriously do something about it.
You know that we will be here for you no matter what you decide, but after learning of your father and his powerful spirit, I can tell that he would want you to do that which brings you joy.
I am praying for your strength and peace, and for your friend in his time of grieving.
Erin
Again, Jenners… my condolences. Thought this was exceptionally simple and pertinent:
St. Theresa's Prayer
May today there be peace within.
May you trust God that you are exactly where you are meant to be.
May you not forget the infinite possibilities that are born of faith.
May you use those gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has been given to you.
May you be content knowing you are a child of God.
Let this presence settle into your bones, and allow your soul the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and every one of you.
Oh my goodness. I am so so sorry. I will keep her family in my prayers. I feel so horrible for you.
I am glad you are still blogging. And maybe go read Twilight again that always makes things better
Oh, my. I cannot begin to imagine what you are feeling. To not only lose your father, but to then lose a friend. My prayers go out to you, your family, and your friend's family.
We will be here for you, whether you write about the funny things your son does or whether you spill your grieving thoughts and emotions in your posts. You are our friend and we want to be there for you in whatever way we can, even if it is only to listen to you as you try to sort things out.
You are in my thoughts. I am so sorry I didn't see the post about your dad sooner.
more (((hugs)))
Wow, I don't even know what to say. This really is tough for me to even read since I have several friends who are pregnant as am I. I cannot even imagine what you must be feeling.
Just know I'm thinking of you and hoping things improve soon.
Be well.
Oh Jenners.. I'm so very sorry to hear about your friend. Life is cruel at times in a way that just defies understanding.
I'm thinking of you!
Oh wow, thats a real one-two punch. Pleae let your friends family know that there are lots of prayers comming for her Husband and children.
You do obviously love to blog, please know that I'm here to read whenever you feel up to posting.
Take care of yourself.
I did not know about your Dad until now. I am so sorry for your loss. It sounds like he was a wonderful person and very much loved by many. It's sad to hear about your friend, too. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers and I am sending hugs your way! Take care!
So sorry to hear about your dad. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.
What a sad story and ending to a young mother and wife. I am praying for that family as well.
what a heartbreak. these weeks have been trying for you, to say the very least!! be kind to yourself, and for God's sake, keep writing!
Thinking of you.
Congrats on being featured at Ter's.
I too missed the post about your dad. I'm so sorry for you and your family.
I'm terribly sorry that you had to suffer another loss so quickly after the first.
Don't give up your blog, it'll make you feel better and get your mind off things.
OMG! I'm so sorry to hear about your friend, that's horrible!
And you know, don't give up blogging, you don't always have to be "on" when you write, we will all still be here to support you when you are down, lift you up and cheer you up, send hugs and prayers when you need them, and when you are feeling a little more humorous, we'll still be here to laugh with you!
Stay strong, remember all the good times, and as you said, always remember to tell the ones you love just how much they mean to you! Life is short…don't waste it!
Hugs, thoughts and prayers from So. Cal!
I've been missing your posts but I really understand the desire to just hide away for a while. There's nothing wrong with taking a break but I think you will find that everyone will still be here when you get back. Take the time to heal and write when you feel like it.
Take care.
I am so sorry that you come back home and to find more bad news about your friend's passing. I'm glad that you're still blogging even though it may be hard to especially since you tend to very light and humorous.
But, what I find so great about the blogging world, that when you share what is in your heart, there is someone out there who makes a comment that helps you get through the day.
The sun is out there…it just takes awhile to see it through the thick fog.
G-d. That is just horrible. Please know that your family continues to be, and your friend's family, are in my prayers.
I am really glad that you are continuing to blog. You don't have to be happy or funny all the time. Life isn't always happy or fun. But it would suck to give up something you like to do. Plus, you are really good at it. And I would miss you.
I am going to hug my family now. But sending you one too.
That's terrible new. My goodness…why do things have to happen this way? I am so sorry for what you're going through. I'm very glad you decided not to give up blogging. Hopefully it can be therapeutic in some way. You've are such a genuine person, and I hope you won't give yourself a hard time for not having funny posts up. This is you, this is what you're going through. You don't have to be happy all the time. Thinking of you, lady.
((hugs))
I have also had a very rough week.
Death sucks.
OMG I'm so sad to hear about your friend. I'm glad the baby is doing okay so far and I hope it continues to do well. How horrible, for the whole family. Their whole lives have changed. Oh gosh, I came here not even seeing your post in my reader, because I wanted to see if you had any visitors via your follower of the month post. I wish I could send some healing words, but if I knew them, I'd use them for myself too.
((many hugs)) for you, your family and your friend's family, especially those two children who will never know their mom.
Jenners, I totally missed you posting about your dad somehow. I don't want to skim through this while im on my bb, but I wanted to let you know right away that I hope your OK.