This past weekend, Mr. Jenners treated me to an actual date night for my birthday—complete with a movie, dinner and a hotel room. It occurred to me that perhaps I haven’t been to the movies for awhile because there were some big changes that surprised me. One was bad and one was good—very good.
The bad thing was that apparently matinees are no longer considered shows before 5:00 p.m.—as they were “back in the day” (and by “back in the day” I mean “just a few years ago”). Correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t you think a matinee should be a movie shown before 5:00 p.m. and that you should get a reduced price? I was stoked that we were going to save some money because we went to the 4:45 p.m. show. To our amazement, there was a poster in the lobby that said that matinees are movies BEFORE NOON!
Now I looked up the definition of matinee and Merriam-Webster defines it as “a musical or dramatic performance or social or public event held in the daytime and especially the afternoon.” But perhaps AMC Theatres are going with the etymology of the word, which is as follows:
Etymology: French matinée, literally, morning, from Old French, from matin morning, from Latin matutinum, from neuter of matutinus of the morning, from Matuta, goddess of morning;
Why not just list your movie listings in Latin, Mr. Hoity Toity AMC Theater Chain? Perhaps us regular poeple don’t know all the history behind the words you toss around like “matinee” and “discounted pricing.” And if you’re charging me $10.50 for a movie, I want that loud, phlegmy coughing guy removed from the theater post-haste!
The good thing was so amazing, so wonderfully perfect, so exciting that I literally stopped in my tracks and ogled it for a good 5 minutes—clutching Mr. Jenners’s arm tightly and muttering “Is that what I think it is?” And it was, ladies and gentlemen, it was. The greatest thing to hit movie theaters since sound: a machine that lets you PUMP YOUR OWN BUTTER FLAVORING ONTO YOUR POPCORN! I kid you not! There were stations set up all around the lobby where you could apply as much butter flavoring to your popcorn as you wanted—totally unsupervised! I literally could not believe my eyes. Why was I not notified about this development? Why was this not a major news story?
Needless to say, I immediately purchased a (small) popcorn and went to work applying copious amounts of butter flavoring. I was in heaven. Even though I could literally feel my arteries hardening with each bite, even though I began to feel really ill after about four bites, I had a fleeting moment of pure happiness. (And, as is typical, this feeling of joy was followed by nausea, regret and stomach cramps.)
Want to add 4 cups of butter to your popcorn? No problem!
Check your local theater for unsupervised butter dispensers!
They do exist! I saw them with my own eyes!
What was that you say? What movie did we see? Due to Joel McHale’s not-so-subliminal advertising on The Soup, we chose to see The Informant! I have to say, it wasn’t as funny as I was expecting based on the previews and the critic blurbs. It was OK and there were moments that made me laugh, but I think the tone didn’t completely suit the material. I appreciate what the filmmakers were trying to do and they came pretty close to almost getting it, but I think in the end it fell flat. Anyone else see it? What did you think? Did you have trouble remembering what time frame the movie was happening in?
So, score 1 for Mr. McHale. You got us.