Participate, read, comment!
This week, I decided to go with Prompt 1: create a list of playground do’s and don’ts. I’m writing a list from the point of view of a mother and a child.
Mother Playground Do’s and Don’ts
- DO wear a shlubby outfit (sweats, Crocs, t-shirt), no make-up and spend less than 5 minutes styling your hair. DON’T wear a designer outfit with heels, full make-up and have your hair styled professionally.
- DO make sure your child only plays on the playground appropriate for their age. DON’T let your 12-year-old terrorize toddlers on the playground meant for ages 2 to 5.
- DO smile and talk at the other mothers. DON’T talk loudly on your cell phone during your entire playground stay—complaining about how your hot pool boy was wearing a shirt when he cleaned your in-ground pool the other day and that your husband is “only” getting a 5 figure bonus this year.
- For mothers weighing 130 pounds or less only: DO wear a fat suit around your middle area. DON’T complain about how you can’t lose the baby weight. (If you weight 130 pounds or less, you don’t have any baby weight.)
- DO discipline your child if he/she misbehaves. DON’T laugh when your child pushes another child off the slide and say “boys will be boys.”
Child Playground Do’s and Don’ts
- DO speak in a calm, friendly voice. DON’T use your “outside voice” if it exceeds 90 decibels.
- DO leave mysterious objects on the ground. DON’T pick up things if you don’t know what they are—especially long whitish rubbery things that look a little like a banana peel.
- DO take turns with other children. DON’T act as if the playground is your personal property—it isn’t, you brat.
- DO respect the animals and nature that you find at the playground. DON’T kills bugs just to see what happens or rip out the flowers to give to your mother.
- DO realize that the time limit for your mother pushing you on the swing is 5 minutes. DON’T scream like a banshee when your mother says her arms are tired from pushing you on the swing. Here’s an idea: learn to swing your own damn self.
- DO keep the interesting conversation you heard last night at dinner to yourself. DON’T tell the other children and mothers about the “funny” things that you saw mommy and daddy doing the other night when you should have been sleeping.
And I just have to share what the Little One said to me tonight when I gave him a hug: