When my mom visited in November, she brought one of the finest pieces from the Jenners Temple of Holy Relics (i.e., the basement where she lives and stores all her children’s abandoned junk). Feast your eyes on this—a vintage Girl Scout vest circa the early 1980s.
I was seriously into the Girl Scouts. I started as a Brownie in 1st grade and stuck with it until I entered high school. I believe I received all the badges that were available at the time and one of Girl Scouting’s highest honors. (What that honor is, I don’t know. That is lost in the mists of time. Sure, a Google search could probably get me that information but that really isn’t the point of this post.) As I looked at the badges that I had earned, I wondered if there was a statute of limitations on some of them as many of the skills that would have been required to earn the badge have long faded (probably within minutes of receiving the badge). And some of the badges are just downright mysterious to me. What on earth do they mean? What did I do to earn them? Let’s take a little tour, shall we?
A badge for sleeping? Well-deserved I say, and something at which I still excel. Sleeping in, naps, early bedtimes, ability to sleep more than 12 hours—I can do it all. I certainly am entitled to keep this badge. (I’d just like to point out the horrible stitch work that keeps this badge on the vest. I believe that was my handiwork—and it would look about the same if I sewed it on today.)
I’m guessing this is a badge for stargazing. At this point in time, I can probably show you the Big Dipper and Orion’s belt. I might be able to show you the plant Venus—but chances are it would end up being an airplane. This badge should probably be revoked.
This seems to be a badge for painting—and not artistic painting (there is another badge for that). I can’t imagine that I would have been allowed to paint walls in a house when I was a Girl Scout, but my slapdash painting abilities today seem like it is possible I learned my painting skills when I was 12 and never progressed. Status today would be questionable and I cite the Paint In My Eyeball Incident of 2001.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out what this badge might be for. Lamp lighting? Train signaling? Whatever it is, I doubt I would still have these skills today, although I am proficient at turning on lights.
What the hell is this for? Shoe making? Elf skills? Ability to select strange footwear? Even at my worst (the bright yellow Reebok high tops I owned in college), I never wore shoes this horrible and inappropriate.
There may have been a time in the past when I could help someone who was injured. Sadly, that time has passed. I am not good in emergency situations. When I was in high school, an old lady fell in the mall and bent her finger back in a weird way and started bleeding. I was completely useless and almost required medical intervention myself once I saw the blood. The fact that this badge is still in my possession is a travesty.