Is There A Statute of Limitations on Girl Scout Badges?
by Jenners • 01/04/2010 • Life • 16 Comments
When my mom visited in November, she brought one of the finest pieces from the Jenners Temple of Holy Relics (i.e., the basement where she lives and stores all her children’s abandoned junk). Feast your eyes on this—a vintage Girl Scout vest circa the early 1980s.
I was seriously into the Girl Scouts. I started as a Brownie in 1st grade and stuck with it until I entered high school. I believe I received all the badges that were available at the time and one of Girl Scouting’s highest honors. (What that honor is, I don’t know. That is lost in the mists of time. Sure, a Google search could probably get me that information but that really isn’t the point of this post.) As I looked at the badges that I had earned, I wondered if there was a statute of limitations on some of them as many of the skills that would have been required to earn the badge have long faded (probably within minutes of receiving the badge). And some of the badges are just downright mysterious to me. What on earth do they mean? What did I do to earn them? Let’s take a little tour, shall we?
Obviously, this badge is for sewing, possibly even dressmaking. I have vague memories of sewing a skirt during Girl Scouts. (A skirt that survived one wearing but a skirt nonetheless.) Can I sew today? No, I cannot. (Nor could I sew back then based on the increasingly pathetic stitchery you will see on the badges.) Would I even know how to begin to make a dress today? No, I would not. Clearly this badge should be revoked.
A badge for sleeping? Well-deserved I say, and something at which I still excel. Sleeping in, naps, early bedtimes, ability to sleep more than 12 hours—I can do it all. I certainly am entitled to keep this badge. (I’d just like to point out the horrible stitch work that keeps this badge on the vest. I believe that was my handiwork—and it would look about the same if I sewed it on today.)
I’m guessing this is a badge for stargazing. At this point in time, I can probably show you the Big Dipper and Orion’s belt. I might be able to show you the plant Venus—but chances are it would end up being an airplane. This badge should probably be revoked.
This badge is a bit unclear to me. Is it for breaking and entering? Masonry? Creating a home? Any way you slice it, I’m a bit shaky.
I do know my ABCs so I feel confident that I can keep this badge.
This seems to be a badge for painting—and not artistic painting (there is another badge for that). I can’t imagine that I would have been allowed to paint walls in a house when I was a Girl Scout, but my slapdash painting abilities today seem like it is possible I learned my painting skills when I was 12 and never progressed. Status today would be questionable and I cite the Paint In My Eyeball Incident of 2001.
For the life of me, I can’t figure out what this badge might be for. Lamp lighting? Train signaling? Whatever it is, I doubt I would still have these skills today, although I am proficient at turning on lights.
The fact that I earned a badge for dancing to music is clearly a joke, and it should be rescinded immediately.
What the hell is this for? Shoe making? Elf skills? Ability to select strange footwear? Even at my worst (the bright yellow Reebok high tops I owned in college), I never wore shoes this horrible and inappropriate.
There may have been a time in the past when I could help someone who was injured. Sadly, that time has passed. I am not good in emergency situations. When I was in high school, an old lady fell in the mall and bent her finger back in a weird way and started bleeding. I was completely useless and almost required medical intervention myself once I saw the blood. The fact that this badge is still in my possession is a travesty.
WTF is this for—magic carpet riding? Ability to levitate? Was I in some kind of weird, peyote-eating Girl Scout troop?
Another strange one! Is this a badge for excellence in treasure hunting? I think I should look into the Girl Scout troop I was in … clearly something was amiss.
I cannot make keys, nor can I pick locks. However, I can unlock and lock a door with a key. If this is the skill learned from the badge, the Girl Scouts didn’t set their sights too high.
A badge in hobo excellence or running away from home in an old-fashioned manner? Another strange one that leaves me scratching my head.
Spring, summer, autumn, winter. I think I can keep this one.
Holy crap! I’ve never seen such badges. It only stands to reason though, since I was a Girl Scout in the (gasp) 50′s. I don’t even remember what badges we had then. Hey, it was a hell of a longtime ago.
Your badges are probably even more unrecognizable than mine!! I read that they recently updated the Girl Scout badges. There is now one that is for a “Savvy Shopper.” That seems kind of bad in a way, doesn’t it?
I remember finding this pathetic felt vest in the basement with your other crap and telling mom she had to return it to you. I felt you needed to relive your past glory and perhaps spark some of that old ambition. There are pictures of your troop “in action” I’ll send soon. The last box also contained some of your lame attempts at representing New Jersey at some kind of jamboree. You made some vague patch that said NJ Troop #XXXXX and a representation of the Pine Barrens(?) with a tree that could have been drawn by an infant. I am now actually sorry that I threw out about 2 dozen other patches representing some of the other states at the jamborree. They were so superior. Two examples: Some cotton seeds in a little satchel from Georgia with the girl’s address and troop ID embroidered on a ribbon. Now that says South to me. The Texas one was a piece of wood shaped like an armadillo with eyes and armor features carefully painted on along with who made it and how to keep in touch. These poor girls slaved away to make memorable, regionally representative items and your troop slopped together something at the last minute. No wonder no one contacted you! Disclaimer: If I seem a little disdainful of Girl Scouts, it’s because, as the troop leader’s sons, my brother and I were forced into proximity with this lame troop on extended camp outs and unfortunate meetings at our home. Praise be that we got to escape from the clutches of older girls and run wild in the woods and across lakes in canoes, just the two of us united in scorn for stupid girls, accumulating bug bites at such a rate our skin seemed dimpled at the end of the camp. Keep this stuff coming, Jen. Nicely done!
Jeez … tell me exactly how you feel Uncle Chris! HA! I didn’t know you and Mike suffered so much due to my Girl Scouting career!
You’re extra cool because you seem to reply to almost every comment. I got one of my coworkers to read your nerd post and she confessed today that she had been reading your stuff. I am seeing you in a whole new light! Your avatar rocks!
You must have been quite a little suck up…every badge? Was that necessary? Do you realize the impact that would have on the collective self-esteem of the slackers in the troop (me being the biggest slacker of all). I am posting tomorrow about MY Girl Scout experience (totally coincidental).
Well, when you are a Girl Scout from 2nd grade until high school, you have some time to work on the badges. I’m excited to hear about your Girl Scout experiences!
I was never a girl scout, but I wanted to be one when I was a kid. Now as the mom of a cub scout I’m just so grateful they have special stick on stuff so I don’t have to actually sew the patches on – I hate sewing!
Stick on stuff? Cool! I wish I had that back in the day. As you can see, my stitching was horrific! (And still is.)
I was a half-assed Girl Scout…lame leader-itis. Maybe I’d have been more devout if I had been able to learn how to break and enter or wear elf shoes? My thing was 4H. Now I could share some stories about sewing and cooking and photography and pigs.
Too bad you can’t rob houses wearing elf shoes … but I guess you can photograph pigs while sewing cooking mitts!
I am so glad you linked back to this post – I loved it!! I don’t recognize any of those badges from the ones my girls earned in the late 80s and early 90s, but I do recognize some of the things on your vest like those “flying up” wings!
I just saw an article that they updated the Girl Scout badges recently … so I may never know what they are for!! Fortunately, my brother sent me my Girl Scout handbook so I can look them up now!
I was unfortunately never a girl scout, but I would love to join that troops now!! Where do I sign up? Payote smoking, star gazing, lock picking…..WOOHOO! sounds like a blast!
LOL
Thanks for that. I need a good chuckle.
These bring back memories! I was a Girl Scout for probably half a minute (the summer camping excursion was what did it for me – Nature Girl, I am not), and most of my badges would probably be revoked, too.
I'm a Junior Leader, so I recognize some of the badges in the picture, but I don't think any of the ones you highlighted exist today. Except for the ABC, which is chid care of caring for children, something like that. Nonetheless, pretty cool trip down Memory Lane!