Reading My Childhood Diary: Part 2
by Jenners • 03/31/2010 • Life • 28 Comments
If you want to read the first installment of this series, click here for some really embarrassing attempts at poetry and proof that I have always lacked stick-to-it-tive-ness. So let’s continue on, shall we? We were in 1979 if I recall correctly, specifically December 26th.
A QUIZ FOR MY FUTURE SELF
After providing a rundown of my Christmas haul, I decide to leave a quiz for my future self asking such ridiculous and non-historically interesting questions as “Do you still remember the name of your the kids in your class in 7B- 1979-80?” and “Do you still have the stereo?” (which I received from “Santa” on the previous day). Not being one to wait, I fill out the quiz just a mere 6 months later when I’m older and wiser (12). Here are some answers to the questions from then and now (when I really should have filled out the quiz). My 12-year-old answers are in bold and my 42-year old answers are in italics.
Age: 12 (42)
What do you want to be when you grow up or what you are? nurse (stay-at-home mom and lazy housekeeper)
Daydreams: everything (me doing something great, school) (Escaping to Hawaii for a 10-day vacation without the Little One and possibly without Mr. Jenners, Edward Cullen, getting a book deal based on my witty and amazing blog writing)
Do you still have the stereo? Yes (No. Honey, I hate to tell you that your stereo went by the wayside a loooooooooooooong time ago. We now have amazing things like digital music and iPods. The stereo that you were so proud of played records (now called “vinyl”) and had a cassette player. Oh, how the world has changed. This is why you WAIT to fill out these little quizzes, my dear.)
Do you still remember the names of the kids in your class in 7B 1979-80? Yes (and I proceed to name them. I will spare you the names as no one I went to 7th grade with turned out to be famous.) (Hell no! If you hadn’t so thoughtfully listed them, they would be long-lost.)
IN WHICH I HAVE DELUSIONS OF GRANDEUR
December 27, 1979
Dear Diary,
Maybe if New Jersey gets invaded they will print my diary like Anne Frank. If they (they is people who discover this book) I will be happy. To the people who find this diary years from now.
Hi. My name is Jennifer _____. I live in 1979 and it will be 1980 in…hmmmmm..let’s see. 4 more days! I am living when 50 (or 52) hostages (American) are being held hostage by Iranians. Well, bye for now.
Your friend,
Jenny _________
My commentary:
First of all, you have to love how specific I am. Not if the United States gets invaded … just New Jersey. Like the rest of the states would be OK and continue on while New Jersey is occupied by the British or the Spanish.
Second, what hubris for me to liken myself to Anne Frank!!! Yes, 7th Grade Self, you are just like Anne Frank, living in extraordinary circumstances in your middle-class suburban house. (<—-sarcasm) Third, I take it upon myself to speak to the future and provide scattershot and inaccurate information. (There were 53 hostages by the way). No details provided. Just a cryptic statement about hostages and zero follow-up or context provided. Frankly, I’m impressed I was even aware that the hostage situation was going on.
A PEP TALK FOR MY FUTURE SELF
If you are an old day when you read this, I tell you to get up and live! Do things! Remember “Valentine” with Pete and Grace? Live! Don’t sit around! Write, draw, ski, kiss, run, job, swim, travel, anything but LIVE a full life. You are not a windbag! Live! Don’t die unfamous! Meet people! Write down a note to someone old telling this to some other old person!
My commentary:
I’m not quite sure what set that off (I have no memory of this movie but I did find it on IMDB here. Not many details though). Seems like it made quite an impression on me as the entry was written in all caps and with huge letters. It cracks me up that I viewed life as wasted if I were to die “unfamous.” I suppose my 7th grade self would view my present-day self as ” a windbag” or “some other old person” so I’ll comfort my past self with this:
Things are going OK. I have a Little One who keeps me young. I will keep your words of advice in mind as I continue to decay. However, skiing may not be the best option for the elderly … their bones are fragile. Just saying.
HOW HISTORY REPEATS ITSELF
December 28, 1979
Dear Diary,
My hair (I got it cut yesterday) does not look good at all. Maybe because of my glasses. Oh well. I hope when I get older that I can be free to do things. (I know I will NEVER have pork chops.)
My commentary:
I guess I’ve been getting bad haircuts my entire life as I’m still bitching and moaning and writing about them years later. And I have lived up to my promise to myself: I have never had pork chops as an adult.
POP CULTURE TIME MACHINE
Here are a few of the shows I was watching and music I was listening to during this time according to my diary.
Neil Diamond (“I Am” touches me, I wrote.)
“The Boy Who Drank Too Much” with Scott Baio and Lance Kerwin
Wings (Paul’s post-Beatles band … I was “into” Paul)
“Prisoner: Women in Cell Block H” (“It stinks” I wrote.)
Tune in next time when I discover Jesus and masturbation, become convinced I am going to hell, and hatch a plan to save myself.
Wondering whatever happened to Lance Kerwin,
Oh, this was fantastic!!!!
Fantastic, I loved this, and laughed out loud–for real. Not jut LOL.
Very creative.
I remember discovering Anne Frank when I was in junior high and believed my diary could be just as famous as Anne Frank…I was very delusional.
Look forward to more diary entries!
I can't wait for the next installment! I appreciate the fact you never had porkchops as an adult. Isn't it great when you don't have to eat stuff you hated as a kid?
Your diary is a goldmine for entertainment! I'm so glad you have shared it. I am not surprised you knew about the hostages. Back when I was little we had *4* tv stations and I watched whatever Dad watched. So I got lots of World News Tonight. It was that or nothing.
I love your advice to your older self. Insightful!
That my friend was one funny post. I'm super glad that NJ never got invaded as I can imagine PA would have soon caved as well.
Can't wait to hear about Jesus and masterbastion. Hopefully not in the same entry.
I like how you should pass those words of wisdom on to another old person!
And I have never had pork chops as an adult either. I was probably fifteen or sixteen the last time my mom served up her overcooked chunk of sawdusty evil.
I can't stop laughing about New Jersey being invaded. Oh, you make me laugh, Jenners!
I was laughing to obnoxiously that my husband kept asking me what was wrong. Can't he see I'm reading funny stuff here?! Ugh…men…anywho, thank you for sharing. I do look forward to your future diary posts! ^_^
I'm thinking of you making a bunker in Jersey! Too funny
You were always clever. My parents loved Neil Diamond. I can hear all those songs in my head still.
I don't think I have EVER laughed so hard reading a post before! You were (and are) such a NUT!
I don't know what's funnier, the note about the hostage situation or your letter to "old you." PRICELESS!
Wow, I love the hostage scenario hahaha!
ha! You haven't changed a bit, I see!
LOL! I think it's pretty cool that you still have your old diaries! I'm sure if I still had mine I would be able to laugh about myself too.
I love that the rest of us are safe from NJ's problems, lol.
I love the pep talk to your "old" self! Very inspiring.
And I totally want to run away from home to Hawaii too.
Lance Kerwin continued acting in television and theatrical motion pictures until the mid-1990's. After that he had to deal with some personal issues, and subsequently became active as a Christian minister (most recently as director of U-Turn for Christ in Kauai, Hawaii). He's married and has children.
Love this. Thanks for the laugh.
The best part is New Jersey getting invaded. I can picture a little Jenners in the bomb shelter writing in her diary about stereos and Scott Baio while the Dutch occupy the NJ.
I love it.
Lol! You were quite the writer even when you were 12.. I don't think my diary would have been nearly as interesting. I remember when my sister got married, when I was about 12 or 13, I even drew a picture of the wedding table and where everyone was sitting.
This is terrific!! Glad NJ never got invaded, though. WHEW! Thank goodness! I'm sure they would have published your diary if it had been.
Also, what's up with pork chops? Not a fan, I take it?
I went to high school with Rene Zelwegger but she's younger than me. She was in my sisters class…two grades below me
Cool spin to write your present day commentary as well. Very creative!
I would never have the guts to post any REAL diary entries I still have from my childhood…even though most of my blog is from my imagination, despite any first person references.
-gel (who does not wear mascara to bed
This makes me wish that I could find my childhood diary.
I see you were just as funny in 7th grade as you are now. I don't think I have ever heard of those songs.
Why no pork chops? I wanted to be famous, too. I wanted to be one of those people on the news that got asked all the questions about why things were happening in some other country. A wise and learned historian, who had written books that explained everything perfectly. HA! 
OMG I'm cracking right up! Oh how I wish I would have been brave enough to save my diary. I think I burned it so no one would read it!
I am watching The Office and reading blogs…I just spit out my diet coke reading your blog and totally tuned out The Office. That is how entertaining I found this!
Especially the awesome memoir your past self left future diary finders should New Jersey be invaded.
I'm not expert, but based on what I've seen of those kids on Jersey Shore, I think Jersey would be fine and the rest of the country would need help in the case of an invasion!
Thanks for the laughs, as always!
I absolutely loooove reading this!
I love it!
You as a kid, had quite the plans for your life
Another masterpiece of juvenile writing! Too hilarious.
What is that juice squirting from my eyes? Tears of hilarity my friend! And you have never known pork chops if you haven't tasted my "Lip Smackin' Pork Chops". Yes. That is what I call them. And they are lip smackin'. (And my family cannot.get.enough.)
Enjoy the day!
Erin