Writer’s Workshop: No One Ever Asked Me…
by Jenners • 03/24/2010 • Writers Workshop • 27 Comments
Time for Writer’s Workshop again!This week I’m choosing Prompt 5: Why didn’t they ask you? Write a list of 5 or 10 sentences that begin with the words “No one ever asked me,” then write about one in detail or use them in a poem or use several in a personal description of yourself. (from writingfix.com).
I’m not going to do the poem or write about one in detail or describe myself BUT I will give a little commentary after each sentence. You’ll just have to deal with that, Mama Kat.
No one ever asked me … if I wanted a free vacation (without also requiring me sit through a 4-hour timeshare presentation).
No one ever asked me … directions to the women’s restroom in the Tokyo airport. (Though this may be due to the fact that I was never at the Tokyo airport. But I think it is down that way and to the right after the Hello Kitty gift shop.)
No one ever asked me … if it was OK to take Arrested Development off the air. (It is NOT all right. That show was funny and better than all the other crap TV shows on the air at the same time. I’m looking at you, Yes Dear. Honestly, I don’t really know if Yes, Dear was on at the same time but it might have been and I didn’t really like it. Though I only watched it once.)
What were they thinking? Why was this show not a smash hit?
No one ever asked me … if I was a supermodel in disguise while I walked on the streets of New York City. (Perhaps because I’m 5′ 2″, a bit flabby and walk like I have a stick up my butt. It’s true … I saw myself walking on a home video and Mr. Jenners is right!)
No one ever asked me … if they could deposit large sums of money into my PayPal or bank account for me to spend however I see fit. (But I would say “yes” if asked this!! Just try me!)
No one ever asked me … if I understood Einstein’s theory of relativity. (Because I don’t. Something about how time might seem to pass faster if you’re blogging but amazingly slow if you are playing CandyLand for the 465th time that day. But don’t quote me on that.)
No one ever asked me … for my signature recipe. (Because I don’t have one … unless dry chicken dipped in leftover Chick-fil-A Honey Mustard sauce counts. And no joking … that is what I served for dinner last night. It sucks to be Mr. Jenners and the Little One.)
No one ever asked me … the way to San Jose. (I hear they’ve got a lot of space and a place to stay.)
No one ever asked me … if I could recite Beowulf from memory. (I can’t. So don’t ask.)
No one ever asked me … if I’ve journeyed to the center of the earth. (I have. It looks just like downtown Cleveland. Weird.)
Waiting for Godot and to be asked a whole bunch of other questions,
Okay, I definitely needed to laugh today and totally cracked up reading this post. If you ever do need directions to San Jose, just ask me!
hilarious! you crack me up, jenners!
CJ's right. Modern Family is funny and it's on ABC Wednesday nights at 9PM Eastern.
Nobody ever asked me about taking Boston Legal off the air. My sister told me at the time it would be fine because it would be on every station in no time, which it is. It's even on TV Land, but it's just not the same.
Arrested Development ROCKS!!
Why do all of the good shows go?
And I laughed out loud at the mention of the "Hello Kitty" gift shop in the Tokyo airport. I bet you're right!! haha!
No one asked you if you wanted chocolate…
I did not see any mention of chocolate or Girl Scout cookies!
Love it- i totally agree about who decides to take off the really good shows. I have a huge list of great shows over the years that somehow didn't last long enough.
Brilliant!
No one ever asked me who got chosen to be god.
Ouch! I'm from Cleveland, I kid you not. Watch your tongue, missy. Einstein's theory of relativity explained in terms of Candyland and blogging? Too funny. You are some kind of clever. Is the Little One old enough for Labyrinth? A fabulous board game… Check it out.
That's just because I couldn't find you to ask, because I needed it, and it was hard to find! Really should have learned Japanese for that trip.
You always make me laugh! "Past the Hello Kitty gift shop". Priceless! And I so hear you about CandyLand. How can they play it so much? Makes me want to throw it out the window.
This was funny! Strangely enough, no one has asked me any of these questions either!
I think "House of Payne" makes "Yes Dear" look like a consecutive Emmy winner. LOL.
And isn't that they way it always goes with the "smart" shows? Like "My so called life". It was AWESOME. I lasted maybe 2 seasons.
You know….no one ever asked me any of those things either…but hey when you come across the person who will ask you to put money in your account…send them my way okay?
You're 5'2"? Me too!!! I need to work on the walking with the stick up the butt though. I can't do that. I'll practice.
No one ever asked me why you are so fabulous…..but if they did I would send them over to this post. Funny stuff!
Jenners, wish I could come over and have a few laughs with you
Glad to be able to knock on your "blogging" door anyway. You are so clever!! I've played those CandyLand marathons. Jillian is in that kick now too. Arrested Development was a good show. Do you know if they took Curb Your Enthusiasm off the air? I can't seem to find it lately. It seems like shows with sharp, often sarcastic dialogue don't survive. Glad to see that The Office is still around. My signature recipe is sitting on the takeout Chinese menu 
OMG, I loved the signature recipe one…too funny! Although my husband would love your dish; I'm terribly allergic to mustard so any recipe featuring that ingredient is automatically nixed from the house!
Very cute. Can't believe it's time for the workshop already. This week if flying by! Yea!!
Hehe, this post was a little ray of sunshine to my mostly craptastic day!
I'm pretty sure I walk like I have a stick up my butt too.
Ok — I did manage to read the entire post, but not sure I fully comprehended any of it past "I'm 5'2", a bit flabby and walk like I have a stick up my butt." I was laughing so hard I couldn't see clearly through the tears!
I love your blog. I want to ask your blog out on a date but I don't think I'm its type.
Please never stop blogging. My life will end.
- end melodrama -
Seriously, though. If you're waiting for questions, I can supply you. I'll also let Godot know you're waiting, too, if I ever get a return phone call.
very clever.
I think you hit the nail on the head with Einstein's theory of relativity. You just put it into layman's terms. Or something.
Another classic post.
I.Love.You Lets hang out.
cant …t y pe ..b cuz ..Im Lau ghing ..to h ard…..OK now Im good..these are too funny..I love your spin on them…!!..So where do you come up with all your hysterical humor..there ..cant say no one ever asked..?..lol
Love Arrested Development! Last month on Hulu they had a marathon. My recommendation is Modern Family. It cracks me up every time. I don't know what day/time it comes on (I'm a hulu watcher) but it is hilarious.
No one ever asked me if they could deposit money in my account either…sheesh, it's like they don't even know us!
This was great Jenners
I laughed all the way through it!