My Fake Magazine and Book
by Jenners • 04/18/2010 • Fun and Games • 20 Comments
Last week, I asked you to create fake books and/or magazines. I have to say, this is probably the most fun I’ve had with one of my “games.” I can totally envision repeating this one again. I hope you had as much fun with it as I did. Anyway, here is what I came up with. First up is a magazine called Toddler Today and then a book called Simple Explanations for Mommys (I wasn’t in love with this title but was limited in what I could do for my fake book cover).
In the next issue of Toddler Today:
- Learning From Monkeys: Getting Stuff From Very High Places
- How To Evade Cheek-Pinching Relatives
- Expose! Humpty Dumpty Speaks: “All The King’s Men Did A Piss Poor Job!”
- Fashion: Suri Cruise Models Her Spring Line
- Lies Mommy Is Telling: Your Face WON’T Stay That Way Forever!
- Language Development: When To Use Those Special Words that Daddy Says When Things Don’t Go Right
- Potty Training Secrets: You Really Won’t Get Flushed Down the Toilet
- TT Poll: The ABC Song … Do You Really Want Others To Sing With You?
In this insightful and helpful book, Jenners explains difficult concepts in terms tired moms can understand, allowing them to keep pace with their know-it-all kids (and husbands!) even while suffering from “Mommy Brain.”
General Relativity
What the Experts Say: Time goes more slowly in higher gravitational fields.
What Jenners Says: It’s like how time goes by quickly when you are blogging but really really slowly when you are playing your 514th game of Candyland.
Black Holes
What The Experts Say: A region of space from which nothing, including light, can escape.
What Jenners Says: It’s like how fat calories enter your body and never leave again, choosing instead to cluster around your tummy area or buttocks
Occam’s Razor
What the Experts Say: Basically, the simplest explanation is probably the correct one.
What Jenners Says: If it smells, chances are Daddy did it. If it is broken, chances are your kid did it. If it is burnt, chances are Mommy did it.
The Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle
What The Experts Say: Certain pairs of physical properties, like position and momentum, cannot both be known to arbitrary precision. That is, the more precisely one property is known, the less precisely the other can be known.
What Jenners Says: If you have figured your first-born, your second born will be completely different in every way, shape and form.
Understanding Electricity
What The Experts Say: Electricity is a form of energy. Electricity is the flow of electrons. All matter is made up of atoms, and an atom has a center, called a nucleus. The nucleus contains positively charged particles called protons and uncharged particles called neutrons. The nucleus of an atom is surrounded by negatively charged particles called electrons. The negative charge of an electron is equal to the positive charge of a proton, and the number of electrons in an atom is usually equal to the number of protons. When the balancing force between protons and electrons is upset by an outside force, an atom may gain or lose an electron. When electrons are “lost” from an atom, the free movement of these electrons constitutes an electric current.
What Jenners Says: Uhhhh….it’s magic!
Still not getting exactly what electricity is,
Link up the URLs for your post in Mr. Linky below!
You. Are. Genius!
That's what she said.
So true on the toddler stuff.. I taught preschool for a while, and I swear the little ones really do share their tips and secrets. Thanks for the laughs, you are great!
I think you did great! If I were a toddler that's the stuff I'd want to know.
Hi Jenners! I finally got my magazine up on the blog. It was fun
This post is so so awesome!! Seriously, so good. That Toddler magazine is hilarious!!!
I am bowing down to your awesomeness at this moment
Oh, and I have an award for you on my blog today.
Seriously, you are a genius. I will be doing my fake magazine tonight! Can't wait!
These are HySteRicAl..!!..I knew you wouldn't disappoint..Lolol..I ll have to play next time…I better start working on it ..tooo funny..!
Oh my gravy! I knew that I wouldn't be disappointed … 110% HOOT!
Loving this! My favorite part is how all the king's men did a piss poor job. Laughing like there's no tomorrow.
I was planning to do this, too, but I smashed my thumb in a door and couldn't see straight for a day or two. Maybe when I have use of all of my digits.
I love your fake magazine and book! This is definitely a category that I would like to see more of.
So funny! I love the Jenners' take on things
I'm having major writing block for some reason today. I'm hoping to get some inspiration soon. Hopefully, I can post something after my inlaws leave. Wish me luck that I survive the visit 
I would totally buy that book!
hysterical! Jenners, you should be moonlighting in a comedy club. i'm with you on the electricity thing and I'm married to a former electrical engineer who worked for a public utility. One time he tried to explain electricity by starting to talk about the nuclear reactor. HA hahahaha I told him I have no clue what you are yakking about. He sulked off in disgust. Easy as pie to him!
Wow! These are hilarious! I love your cover girl for the toddler magazine. Awesome.
And how to book is SO up my ally. Even T Rex Dad got a kick out of reading those.
hahaha yours are too great! I love the whole electricity is magic
Funny stuff Jenners! I love the bit about learning from monkeys
You are an over-achiever! Love the magazine AND the book!
This post was like a roller coaster in my brain. First I was like, "HAHAHA! Funny kid stuff! I love Jenners so much!" And then I was like, "Black Holes? Oh no, I think I have a headache." And then I was like, "Jenners makes Black Holes make sense! How DOES she do it?! Yay Black Holes!" And then I had a headache from Occam's Razor, and then it got fixed. And then another headache from Heisenberg, and then it got fixed. And so on and so forth and SERIOUSLY JENN, you should be a teacher or something.
Hilarious! Your black hole explanation rocks!
you are tooooo funny!