This week I’m choosing Prompt 5: List 10 rules you’ve unlearned (meaning 10 things you thought were expected of you or were the “right way” of doing things, but that you now ignore).
- Never eat raw cookie dough because you’ll get salmonella. Pish posh. If this was true, I would have contracted salmonella years ago! I’ve eaten (dare I say it???) POUNDS of raw cookie dough during my life, and nothing bad ever happened to me.
- Always make your bed in the morning. All I needed to read was one little article saying that you shouldn’t actually make your bed because sunlight and air help to kill those little mites that live in your covers. (Actually, I don’t know if I did read an article saying this, but I think I did and that is good enough for me.)
- Always wait one hour before going swimming. Why? This has never been adequately explained to me. I don’t see the logic, and I suspect there isn’t one. I’ve done this plenty of times and nothing bad has ever happened to me. (Though what I call “swimming” others might call “mindless thrashing about in the water.”)
- Don’t jaywalk. If the roadway is clear, I’m going. (Unless I’m in a big city and there is a cop and there might actually be a chance that I’ll actually get arrested for jaywalking.)
- Never go to bed hungry. Now this is one rule I always follow. I mean … that just makes sense right? What’s that you say? That isn’t the rule? That rule is “Never go to bed angry?” Oh. Well, that might explain why I’m a wee bit overweight. It’s all that late night snacking.
- Never hit a donkey with a toothbrush on the night of a full moon. Instead of ignoring this rule, I’ve actually changed it to “Never hit a donkey with a toothbrush … ever.” Simpler and smarter, don’t you think?
- Never kill a hobo with a hammer*. The blood spatter is awful, and “close in” killing requires a lot of brute strength. Always use a gun to kill a hobo.
- Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Well, if I go to bed early, then I miss all my “me” time, right? And if I stay up to get my “me” time, then I need to sleep in, correct? So I’ve changed this to: Go to bed at 11:00 p.m. and wake up at noon and have the maids clean your house while you slumber. Now all I need are some maids willing to work for free, and I’m golden.
- Always make a list has at least 10 items on it. Why? Because some big-shot Writer’s Workshop blogger hostess said to? What if I’m out of idea? What if this was all I can come up with? What if I took an antihistamine to combat allergies and went to bed last night at 6:45 p.m. (I did!!!) and got behind on my “blogging schedule” and don’t have time to write more? Huh? What then? I’ll show you, Mama Kat. My list only has 9 items on it!!! What do you say about that?
Being combative and unreasonable purely for comical effect,
* Readers with minds like steel traps will recall that this is not the first time I have talked about killing a hobo with a hammer. I don’t have any ill will towards hobos … or a desire to kill them with hammers. I just think the phrase is funny.