Writer’s Workshop: Some Rules Are MADE To Be Broken
by Jenners • 04/22/2010 • Writers Workshop • 38 Comments
Time for Writer’s Workshop again!
This week I’m choosing Prompt 5: List 10 rules you’ve unlearned (meaning 10 things you thought were expected of you or were the “right way” of doing things, but that you now ignore).
- Never eat raw cookie dough because you’ll get salmonella. Pish posh. If this was true, I would have contracted salmonella years ago! I’ve eaten (dare I say it???) POUNDS of raw cookie dough during my life, and nothing bad ever happened to me.
- Always make your bed in the morning. All I needed to read was one little article saying that you shouldn’t actually make your bed because sunlight and air help to kill those little mites that live in your covers. (Actually, I don’t know if I did read an article saying this, but I think I did and that is good enough for me.)
- Always wait one hour before going swimming. Why? This has never been adequately explained to me. I don’t see the logic, and I suspect there isn’t one. I’ve done this plenty of times and nothing bad has ever happened to me. (Though what I call “swimming” others might call “mindless thrashing about in the water.”)
- Don’t jaywalk. If the roadway is clear, I’m going. (Unless I’m in a big city and there is a cop and there might actually be a chance that I’ll actually get arrested for jaywalking.)
- Never go to bed hungry. Now this is one rule I always follow. I mean … that just makes sense right? What’s that you say? That isn’t the rule? That rule is “Never go to bed angry?” Oh. Well, that might explain why I’m a wee bit overweight. It’s all that late night snacking.
- Never hit a donkey with a toothbrush on the night of a full moon. Instead of ignoring this rule, I’ve actually changed it to “Never hit a donkey with a toothbrush … ever.” Simpler and smarter, don’t you think?
- Never kill a hobo with a hammer*. The blood spatter is awful, and “close in” killing requires a lot of brute strength. Always use a gun to kill a hobo.
- Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy and wise. Well, if I go to bed early, then I miss all my “me” time, right? And if I stay up to get my “me” time, then I need to sleep in, correct? So I’ve changed this to: Go to bed at 11:00 p.m. and wake up at noon and have the maids clean your house while you slumber. Now all I need are some maids willing to work for free, and I’m golden.
- Always make a list has at least 10 items on it. Why? Because some big-shot Writer’s Workshop blogger hostess said to? What if I’m out of idea? What if this was all I can come up with? What if I took an antihistamine to combat allergies and went to bed last night at 6:45 p.m. (I did!!!) and got behind on my “blogging schedule” and don’t have time to write more? Huh? What then? I’ll show you, Mama Kat. My list only has 9 items on it!!! What do you say about that?
Being combative and unreasonable purely for comical effect,
* Readers with minds like steel traps will recall that this is not the first time I have talked about killing a hobo with a hammer. I don’t have any ill will towards hobos … or a desire to kill them with hammers. I just think the phrase is funny.
You know, I actually almost didn't comment because I saw how many comments you already have on this excellent posting – I love the randomness of the poem in questions and my favorite is your danger level.
However, I decided it best to comment – just so you had one more random thought. And, well, we all like randomness once in a while, right? Wow! Too much school and toddler talk today!
Nice photo, by the way.
If EVER I am feeling down in the dumps I know exactly where to go to put a smile on my face. You truly make me laugh each and every time.
My favorite on the list? Don't go to bed hungry
You're right. Killing a hobo with a hammer is funny. But then, I would expect no less from you.
Not to be gooey or anything, but you really really make me laugh.
I'm with you on that never go to bed hungry one. Not happening here.
I like to creatively jaywalk with the kids
Skip, hop, boogie our way down the street. Not in NYC though. They may call Bellevue on me!!
I'm with Paige … there's just something funny about saying the word "hobo" outloud.
And I make my bed every day — right before I get back into it at night.
LOL! Never hit a donkey with a toothbrush?? I'm with you… I think I will refrain from hitting any donkey all together.
Jac @ wuzzle makes three
The 10 rules that you listed were hilarious! Each time I eat raw cookie dough my husband reminds me that I could die of Salmonella and then I tell him, "At least I died eating my favorite dessert!"
This list is perfectly Jenners
Loved it! My list is on my memes blog here 
Yes, I don't understand the cookie dough one! What's with that.
The swimming one I have always heard it is because you can develop a cramp but this is coming from the girl who can't swim so I really shouldn't ever go, lol!
…and comical you are….now what s that about a donkey..I never heard that one…what about dont let the bed bugs bite..that scared the sh– out of me..and it never happened…or a boogie man living under the bed at night..???what's up with telling little kids that anyway..?..LMAO..oh and always wear clean underwear in case you have an accident..is that the only reason..?.. and what EMS guy checks your underwear anyway….Lolol..!
I can always count on a good laugh from you and your not-quite-10-list.
Need to borrow a hammer?
Where in the world did you come up with these? Hilarious! I will remember to never hit a donkey with a toothbrush…ever.
Did you say pish posh?
When I ignored that swimming rule, I got cramps. So there.
I always go to bed hungry. I feel successful that way.
And not to mention that bludgeoning someone is a LOT of work.
The cookie dough thing was made up by some anal mom EONS ago to keep kids' hands out of the mixing bowl, I just know it!
Sound advice, my friend. Sound advice.
Especially the not making the bed thing.
I have read something about the bed bug thing too….maybe..umm….yes…..
Oh my gosh! That was HILARIOUS!! Yours is by far the funniest post I have read all day. Mine is a close second, but yours takes the cake…cake, did someone say cake (focus self focus). I am wondering about the donkey with a toothbrush and a hobo with a hammer….ummm…where did you hear those rules? Funny! Very Funny. I am now going to stalk…I mean follow you!
You are so funny!
The first time my son saw a homeless person, he was so excited and yelled, "a hobo, a hobo!" I'm sure that's so politically incorrect but now we often have running family jokes about hobos.
I'm one of those weirdos that HAS to make my bed – it drives me insane to have an unmade bed, LOL! I may not lift another finger toward housework the entire day, but, you can bet our beds are made!
Awesome awesome job! I saw that prompt and thought about it but just could not think of things. You did awesome, even if you only have 9
And yes, I am yet to ever get sick while eating raw cookie dough, though I must admit I don't eat it while pregnant just to be safe…
and the I am right there with you in the thrashing in the water thing
You had me laughing out loud today. Loved the not going to bed hungry, the hobo and the donkey. And I am now going to use your post as the "article I read" about not making my bed. AWESOME!
Shhh. Don't tell them cookie dough is safe to eat. Now we're going to have to share!
How is it that every single thing you say is funny?
I like the hobo with a hammer thing, too. Mostly because I think the word "hobo" is funny to say. hee hee.
Raw cookie dough eaters UNITE! I'll never give up my beloved cookie dough, either! Let's have a cookie dough party. I started asking the people at Subway just to give me the frozen pre-made cookie dough in lieu of a baked cookie. They did. Try it! YUM. You get looks like you're nuts, but since I get those anyway, it's okay.
There's no such thing as jaywalking here. They natives just look at you and say, "That's a stupid idea." I love them.
I loved it! Hope your day is good today!
Thanks for stopping by to see me! You had me lmbo this morning!
I love your layout btw!
For some weird reason your post made me think of that old saying, "you can catch more flies with honey than vinegar". Who wants to catch flies in the first place other than frogs?
Your list is awesome!
I'm with you on the cookie dough… I should be dead by now, too. I'm a firm believer that cookies are actually better before they bake.
By the way – this entire list was hilarious.
Thank you for always making me smile in the mornings!!!
Fantastic post…you rebel you!!!
Go to bed hungry? Unheard of! Nothing beats a late night Devil Dog eaten by the light of the refrigerator.
Well, the donkey started it!
Hilarious post! I love jaywalking and never ever make the bed… I pull back the covers instead as I heard this is a good way of getting rid of bed mites…
love the first–I'll confess I've also eaten pounds of raw cookie dough, just like my mother did, and my daughters do, and now my grandaughters do–It's tradition!
I met a woman once who never made her beds. When I was a young know it all girl I asked her why. She had the best answer, "Why should I make them, they just get back in them at the end of the day." I adopted that as my mantra
I am so sending you a box of hammers! I love your list!!
And I totally agree with the bed making…just don't tell my sons that!
I like your disclaimer.
By the way, I totally wanted to do the writers workshop but that day one of my school team members called and said our giant paper was lacking an essential element. So after spending many hours fixing HER problem (do I sound bitter?), I was too tired to pull my magazine together.
As far as this posting – way to be a rebel! Go with nine instead of ten!
And I am just like you – go to bed late and would LOVE to wake up late. I am totally a night owl. Rough with little ones who like to get up early, huh?
Totally agree with all these things! Even the antihistamines! :–)
You are hilariously AWESOME!!
Love this post!
I don't know about that hobo one. Those guys have always kinda creeped me out, but I'd never take a hammer to one!!
LOL! You rebel you!
Feeling contrary?
Jenners will show you how!