Writer’s Workshop: The Book Blurb for "Chocoholic"
by Jenners • 05/12/2010 • Writers Workshop • 51 Comments
This week, I’m choosing prompt 5: imagine your life is now a book. In 100 words, write the blurb for it. (It’s what people will read on the back cover.)
Chocoholic: One Woman’s Lifelong Struggle with The Brown Devil
In this riveting new memoir, world-renowned blogger Jenners shares the never-before-told story of her lifelong chocolate addiction with brutal honesty, her trademark humor and an unflinching look at the inner workings of the Chocolate Cartel. Sharing harrowing tales that will make your skin crawl—from dumpster diving for chocolate chips to the violent hijacking of a Dove delivery truck—Jenners lays bare the life of a chocolate addict. Tracing the root of her addiction to an ill-fated experiment with carob during childhood, Jenners chronicles her blossoming addiction that spiraled from daily Hershey bars to mainlining fudge in a “choc den” in Kuwait to the highly publicized “Hershey Incident.” Although fans know her as a jet-setting, carefree beauty, only her family saw the desperation and weight gain she tried so hard to hide with false gaiety and Spanx.
From Chocoholic:
It was midnight and a hard rain was falling. The gun was heavy in my hand and my feet hurt, but the pounding in my head told me I had to go through with it. Had I hitchhiked to Hershey, Pennsylvania and killed three hobos with a hammer just to turn around and walk away? No! I must do what I came to do … bathe in a vat of pure dark chocolate. I walked as quietly as my newly acquired 30 pounds would allow me to and turned the knob to the chocolate vat…
“Riveting … I couldn’t put it down … yet I did when the doorbell rang.”
- Maude Kramer, Housewife
“Makes A Million Little Pieces look like a walk in the park … and I don’t think Jenners is lying! A must read and my next book club pick!”
- Oprah
“You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll think about switching to Skittles.”
- J.M. Bock
Hoping you will think that is my actual body on the fake book cover,
P.S. And yes … I spent an inordinate amount of time redesigning my blog last night! You ARE in the right place! What can I say? Blog redesign seems to be my other addiction.
Whaaaaat??? More hobos have been offed with hammers! Jenners, truly you need to address with obsession.
Love the new design and Mr. Jenners is seriously HOT!
Oprah should be so lucky to get you on her show. Her ratings would skyrocket!
Ok, back for one more look at Mr. J. Whoooooo
Gawd, you are such a nut. Between the Jenners chocolate goddess picture and your son's artwork, my nightmares tonight should be interesting. Does Mr J have any idea how much time you spend making us all laugh and/or redesigning your blog? Honestly. Lol
"You'll think about switching to Skittles." Priceless!!!
I'd read this book, by the way!
Your post has me in stitches! I'd read your book! Have you ever tried writing a novel??????
I LOVE YOUR NEW LOOK!!!!! By far the best I've seen using the new templates. If you ever write a post reviewing your makeover, let me know as I'd love to link to it!
That is just great!! And I LOVE the new look….want to redo mine?
Now back to the book….I really hope there is more hammer hobo killings that just the few you mention?
Oh I want to read it!!! I loved the reviews especially the first one.
Oh and I LOVE the new look…so kool.. and MR Jenners looks mischievous
…Luv that in a man…!!
I love you hot chocolate bod…can I have a lick..Bwhahaha…great book..can I kindle it..?..I love your pursuit of chocolate…but dont hurt anymore Hobos lady…or Ill have to melt you down…Oh and whats with the reference to skittles…isnt "skittles"..something else..?..thats right I dont forget..!
bwahahaha, gratz to you, that is funny as hell. Hop on over if you'd like and read my ode to shoes.
Here from Mama Kats:)
Freakin hilarious. TFS.
I will confess tho, I do like chocolate, but I don't love chocolate. Yeah – what planet am I from? Not sure.
But I sympathize, I wish there was more I could do to help you.
I really like the new header, very cool.
No lie…you are an awesome writer! I would definitely read your book!
I felt like this was a memoir about me- hilarious!
And I love the new header on your blog!
I love your new header! Love how the little one is shared, kinda, lol. And chocolate, I'm always there! lol
love the new design. What an awesome picture of Mr. Jenners. And you covered in chocolate made me snort laugh.
Well done. well done. I'll have to come back for more. Cheers! (look, we all have our vices)
Lovin' the blog like you love chocolate. Except…I'm not going to kill anyone with a hammer to read it. Well, I might if I have to.
Funniest thing I've ever read. Please write this book. Do it for me. Do it for the world. Do it for peace.
Hilarious – first of all, you look amazing naked and covered in chocolate, and second – Oprah recommends? It's clearly going to sweep the nation!
Frickin hysterical!!!!!!
Oh, my gosh! I am cracking up! So funny! Great post.
Hilarious!!
Hilarious…I'm totally tweeting this one. That was spot ON how a book blurb reads. Love it!
Holy hell, woman. This post was fantastic! I would definitely buy this book, so get to writing!!!
And I'm loving your redesign. Especially the pictures at the top – very cute!!!
LOL!!! That is hilarious…LOVE IT!!!!
Super hot body you got going there :O) lol
Stopping in from Mama Kat's!
this is really funny. awesome body you got there :p
visiting from mama kat's
Love your writing! You are so funny! I'll have to become a follower so I can come back and read more.
OMG! I did this prompt and was so NOT creative!!! I LOVE IT! I'm peeing here.
I did the same prompt too and I want to read your book because it has chocolate and LOL.
Laughing out loud! This is great!
This is great–so funny and so well written. Love the bit about the "choc den" in Kuwait, and sadly, can identify with the bit about weight gain and Spanx.
If it's ever published, I simply MUST get my hands on a copy. Might I suggest partnering with Godiva on an edible bookmark?
Love it! You're funny!
LOL!!! The cover is precious.
Stopping by from Mama Kats.
Love the new look around here. So fresh and exciting!
And that book sounds much better than some stuff I've read recently:)
wish you lived closer, you are so funny, I love the way you made yourself on the cover of "your book" VERY creative, I am your newest follower from this prompt.
I am having a giveaway that ends this friday, please visit.
http://nf1andpre-kwhisper.blogspot.com
HILARIOUS!! I can totally relate…
Love the new look of the site.
LOVE LOVE LOVE your book and can't get over how fun and creative you are. You are just so funny!!!
I'll take 10 copies for my book club. Does it come with a box of Godivas?
PS Your blog looks fabulous!
I love the new look.
I love your creativity.
Youre awesome!
Love the book and the new blog design!
I laughed out loud when I saw your book cover in my reader! How did you get to be so funny? I love your new blog design, too!
Your blog design is great! Love seeing the pictures on the top. This was hilarious. I can hear Oprah now as she promos the show about your book "Haven't we all crossed the line when driven to fight for that last Twix bar?"
Spanx, now that was an invention…
That was a masterpiece. Truly! And your blog design is absolutely perfect. I just love it!!!!
Follow the chocolate brick road…
This is awesome! You truly do crack me up. Thanks for my laugh on a day when I could really use one!
Your blogs-both of them- look amazing!!!! It's the first thing I noticed! (Not hard for a person with blog design ADD. But I am over that for now!)
Love that your book would be about chocolate! Dumpster diving for chocolate chips. Sounds like something I would do! Or just pick them out of a chips ahoy and eat just the chips.
And yes, that's you. Of course it is! Who would say it's not?
HAHAHAHAHA!
"ill-fated experiment with carob"
I would say that my ill-fated experience came in the form of that huge chocolate bar my mom left in plain sight on the top shelf….that tasted like shoe leather and dirt! Blech!
But I persevered. And found Moonstruck. And the rest, as they say, is history.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
You do blog design now too?
I absolutely, positively adore your blurb. I was thinking of writing on this prompt as well and now I feel totally intimidated.
BRAVO!
Oh, I MUST read that book.
And I TOTALLY love this design. Totally fits you.
Please tell me that the pages are laminated, so chocolate lovers everywhere can read it without permanent greasy, brown smudges?
No, wait, don't laminate it. I use those smudges instead of dog ears.
LOVE this post!
Love the new look! Now I wonder if my flowery background is so yesterday?
First, I love your new masthead. How fun to get to see what Mr. Jenners looks like!
Second, I love this post! The cover alone is hysterical, and I can sooooo relate to your description of your life as a chocoholic!
love your new look (the chocolate goddess *hehe*) I saw a coffee cup this weekend that was tall, dark brown, slender and said on the outside . . . "you are never alone when you are with a chocolate bar" Loved your post today.
Wow, great new look! And love the picture of Mr. Jenners!
you are hysterical….the photo is cracking me up…okay sign me up when will this be released i want it autographed!