Writers’ Workshop: The Chapters of My Life
by Jenners • 05/20/2010 • Life, Writers Workshop • 32 Comments
This week, I’m choosing prompt 4: What ‘chapters of your life’ would there be? Make a list of your life’s chapters. Choose one. Write five possible opening sentences to that chapter. Then write five possible ending sentences to that chapter. (inspired by writingfix.com)
- Chapter 1: In Utero (or “Gee, It Sure Is Dark And Wet And Warm In Here. Could Someone Please Turn On The Lights?”)
- Chapter 2: My Triumphant Arrival (or “My Too Short Reign As The First Child, First Grandchild And First Niece”)
- Chapter 3: Life In Japan (or “Why I Can’t Pronounce My Rs And Love Raw Fish”)
- Chapter 4: The Arrival of Brother Number One (or “That Bawling Baby Is Stealing My Spotlight!”)
- Chapter 5: The Arrival of Brother Number Two (or “In Which I Begin My Life-Long Struggle To Hog All The Attention That Was Rightfully Mine For Four Years And Abruptly Snatched Away “)
- Chapter 6: The School Years (or “The Slow Descent Into Nerdiness”)
- Chapter 7: The College Years (or “It Is Possible To Live On Noodles And Pizza For Four Years Straight”)
- Chapter 8: The First Job (or “I Wish I’d Learned More Practical Things During College…I Feel Like I’m Totally Faking It!”)
- Chapter 9: The Second Year of the First Job (or “Oh…I Get It. Everyone Is Faking It!)
- Chapter 10: More Jobs (or “I Begin My Illustrious Career In Insubordination Coupled With Good Work That Makes Me Unfireable”)
- Chapter 11: The First Marriage (or “In Which I Learn the Difficult Lesson That You Can’t Change Someone And I Picked A Bad Match For Me”)
- Chapter 12: Divorce (or “Extricating Myself As Delicately And Amicably As Possible From A Bad Situation”)
- Chapter 13: Dating Again (or “You Can Meet People Via Online Dating Sites … But Most Of Them Will Be Weirdos”)
- Chapter 14: Meeting Mr. Jenners (or “This One Might Be Worth Keeping”)
- Chapter 15: The Second Marriage (or “This Time I Got It Right (I Hope)”)
- Chapter 16: Pregnancy (or “Jeez .. That Took Longer Than I Thought And Now I’m Going To Be An Old Mom”)
- Chapter 17: The Little One’s Arrival (or “Free Time and Sleep, I Miss Ye And I Feel Like I Hardly Knew Ye”)
- Chapter 18: Being A Stay-At-Home Mom (or “Why An Inherently Lazy Person Needs Structure Or Will Find Herself Struggling And Bored”)
- Chapter 19: The Little One Begins School (or “OK … This Is A Much Better Balance. How Long Can I Ride This Stay-At-Home Mom Train Until Mr. Jenners Kicks Me Off?”)
For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out which one to write opening and ending sentences for so I had Random.org pick and it chose Chapter 2: My Triumphant Arrival (or “My Too Short Reign As The First Child, First Grandchild And First Niece”)
Possible Opening Sentences:
- Suddenly, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, and I thought “That is odd as I am in the breech position.”
- The doctor who delivered me swears that, at the moment at my birth, the world stopped rotating for brief moment and the angels in heaven sang.
- “Who is this Jennifer they are all going on about,” I wondered.
- It was a dark and stormy night.
- The stupid placenta kept trying to push its way out ahead of me, and I was having none of it.
Possible Ending Sentences:
- Finally some solid food!
- As the plane took off and started flying to Tokyo, my mother said “Well, we’re not in Pennsylvania anymore.”
- Being a benevolent princess, I chose to sleep through the night during my very first week at home.
- In the end, I decided I was ambivalent about toilet training … but it seemed important to mom.
- As mother combed my long flaxen hair, I promised myself I would keep my long blonde tresses forever and ever … little knowing the hair horrors were to come.
Hoping for many more chapters in my life’s book (including one that involves a cruise around the world and riches beyond imagination),
I love your chapters on your life. Very witty and fun. : )
The way I'm a minor character who shows up off and on every few chapters, starting at chapter seven, makes me afraid I might turn out to be the killer. You know? I'm not important enough to suspect, but there's just enough information that the readers are going to be "oh yeah, that guy. It all makes sense now."
Also: I think your opening sentence should be "When I was born, the nurses gathered around, wide-eyed with wonder at what they had found. The head nurse came in and said 'Leave this one alone, because I can tell right now that she's bad to the bone.'" Except that it's kind of derivative.
Suddenly, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, and I thought "That is odd as I am in the breech position."
hahahahahahaa!! you rock! I've missed you! oh, and love the new look
I'm standing up! I applaud you
Another great example of Jenners' awesome wit.
I can live on pizza and noodles by the way
"The stupid placenta" line made me think of a video game level where the "baby pilot" is zooming down that vaginal alley trying to zap that bad old placenta with a laser. Hey, wonder why that weird image came up? See what a visit to your blog can start? LOL.
HAHAHA Those were fantastic!
"the world stopped rotating for brief moment and the angels in heaven sang" ::died::
I love the chapters! So funny!
Stopping by again from Mama Kat's. Great chapter titles! Love it!
Hilarious! You've got a comic masterpiece on your hands!
You are simply… the best.
Any chance you're coming to BlogHer in August? I feel like I have to meet your hilarity in person.
I would read your story. Not many people can say they lived overseas, hoe fun!
I LOVED your opening line about "Who is this Jennifer I keep hearing about?"
That's how my oldest felt when his brother was born. Will there be a chocolate edition of this?
That. Was. AWESOME!!!!!!!!!! I can't decide if I like the names of the Chapters or the opening sentences more…hmm…
My fave lines? Tie between "OK … This Is A Much Better Balance. How Long Can I Ride This Stay-At-Home Mom Train Until Mr. Jenners Kicks Me Off?" and "As mother combed my long flaxen hair, I promised myself I would keep my long blonde tresses forever and ever … little knowing the hair horrors were to come."
I'm not sure why those tickled me so much…
This was so perfect Jenners. I loved it : ) I am so glad that your life is turning out so happily! I really hope you get the cruise all around the world. Crossing my fingers and toes!
"Suddenly, I saw a light at the end of the tunnel, and I thought "That is odd as I am in the breech position."
I love it! This is hilarious!!
Fabulous! I would buy that book.
Fabulously creative, as always. Love to hear more about Japan, if you remember it.
I thought you'd pick this one and you didn't disappoint. I love your chapters…when do we get to read the whole book? (It would be another reason to extend the ride on that SAHM train!)
I'm a Stay At Home Mom for 15 years and I think my husband likes it this way. The only downside is less income, other than that, what's not to like? He gets to concentrate on his life and I get to obsess and run EVERYTHING else. Doesn't seem like a fair load to me…but I wouldn't trade it for anything.
Does that SAHM train have stops? I mean before 18? The Little one will need you to be at home until he's done with college at least!! I mean all the places he'll need to go and do….right? RIGHT???
Great ending sentences! Re Chapter 7, what I learned was that you could spend four years living on rolls of cookie dough. (my parents wondered why every time I came home I needed new larger clothes…)
Yes!! I love all your chapters…I knew you would kill this one. Miss "I've read a bajillion books on GoodRead!" Your chapter subtitles cracked me up!!
My goal in life is to ride the stay at home mommy train for as long as humanly possible. You offer such hope.
PS coming over from Mama Kat's.
How interesting that you grew up in Japan. I feel a special kinship with anyone who eats raw fish.
Over from Mama Kat's.
I'm pretty sure it is possible to exist solely on pizza and noodles for 4 years. Pizza contains all four food groups, right?
I was hoping you'd choose this one! I thought you might, too. You're too clever. Where do you get this stuff? Seriously, is there, like, a store? I NEED THE NAME OF THAT STORE.
I talk about chapters of life in my post today – but not nearly as detailed or witty as yours.
LOVE it!!
Hahaha, I love the ending sentence about your long blond hair. I still give my mom a hard time for cutting my long hair for "an adorable unisex bowl cut". WTF, mom??
I love the titles you have for your chapters! Sounds like it would be a fun read
I'm quite interested in the Japan chapter. I'm curious as to what is in store for E since it seems like you lived there when you were really young.
Also love your opening and ending sentences! They are hilarious
Enjoyed the chapters of your life. I'm not that creative. First time stopping by via mama kat's. Great post.
Sounds like your birth and joyous arrival in this world was an event worthy of some press!
I felt the same way about my brother being born (I only have one though) and I asked my mom to trade him for a girl!