Writer’s Workshop: Have You Ever…
by Jenners • 06/02/2010 • Life, Writers Workshop • 40 Comments
This week, I’m choosing prompt 4: Begin each line of your post with “have you ever.”
(inspired by Vikki from Live. Laugh. Pull Your Hair Out).
However, being an ass-kissing overachiever, I will also work the four other prompts (write about a time when you laughed at an inappropriate time, what did you once lose, what current event do you feel strongly about, who doesn’t call or write you enough) into this prompt. Boo-yah! I rock!
Have you ever laughed during a silent tableaux of the Stations of the Cross … in a church … during Holy Week … with a nun standing right behind you?(Guilty! The more I knew I shouldn’t laugh, the more I laughed. I got in big big trouble. That covers the “laughing at inappropriate time” prompt.)
Have you ever lost your cell phone and looked frantically for it everywhere … while you were talking on it? (Guilty! In my defense, it was when I was a very new mom and sleep-deprived and crazed. That covers the “what did you once lose” prompt.)
Have you ever thought that it is downright disturbing that technology to reverse global warming exists right now … but is not being implemented? (This is true. I read it in Superfreakonomics. Fascinating book that is just filled with odd facts and information, such as if you introduce money to monkey society, they will eventually turn to prostitution. This covers the “current event” prompt … the current event being global warming, not monkey prostitution.)
Have you ever wondered if the gifts you sent your nieces for their birthdays were received? (Yes, I’m wondering about this, Mike. Mike is my youngest brother, who “doesn’t call or write me enough.”)
Have you ever killed a hobo with a hammer? (I did NOT do this … but it gives me yet another excuse to use my new “killing hobos with hammers” label on my blog.)
Have you ever been ashamed to tell someone you are a blogger? (I let this little fact slip to my cousins once, and they looked at each other knowingly and said “Oh…. you’re a blogger” in a tone that led me to believe this isn’t such a good thing. I felt like saying “But I am the hilarious Jenners!!!” Sometimes I get a bit carried away by your awfully nice comments.)
Have you ever been folding laundry and seen your own underwear and thought “Good Lord, that can’t possibly be my underwear. It must be for someone three times my size.” (Guilty!)
Have you ever been congratulated on your pregnancy with this phrase: “Does this change your stance on abortion?” (Totally true! My former boss–who was an ultra-conservative, pro-life, born-again Christian–asked me this when I told him I was pregnant. And for the record, I told him I was still pro-choice.)
Have you ever gone to a party … in college … that served alcohol … and had boys at it .. and brought a book to read … and read it? (Guilty!)
Have you ever been making cookies for your family and saved all the good ones for yourself? (Guilty!)
Have you ever been on TV and yelled out “Baba Booey”? (I have not done this. However, every time we see someone do it, Mr. Jenners and I just crack up. A recent episode of 30 Rock had Tracey confessing he yelled out “Baba Booey” at Walter Cronkite’s funeral, and we must have laughed at this line for 5 minutes. For those of you who have no idea what I’m talking about, “Baba Booey” is a “thing” from the Howard Stern Show–Mr. Jenners is a huge fan–and the goal is to yell it out in as many situations as possible. One of the most famous occurrences was when a caller said it to Peter Jennings during televised coverage of the OJ Simpson car chase.)
Have you ever ridden a Segway? (I’ve been dying to ride one ever since seeing Paul Blart: Mall Cop. I will make this dream come true before the end of the summer.)
Have you ever looked at clothes that you know are 4 sizes smaller than your current size but thought “I really think I might be able to fit into this”? (Guilty!)
Have you ever pretended to have gastrointestinal distress so you could hide from your child in the bathroom and read? (Guilty! This is my almost daily trick to get some much needed peace. The Little One must think I have the most delicate stomach ever.)
Have you ever pretended to have your period to get out of having sex? (Guilty!)
Have you ever thought that if Brad Pitt just met you in real life, he would leave Angelina in a heartbeat to be with you? (Guilty! But, when I’m not delusional, I realize this would never happen. Plus with that raggy beard he’s been rocking lately, I’m not as smitten with him as I used to be.)
Have you ever gotten really excited because you got new underwear? (Well, the Little One is. It cracks me up how excited he is over his new Star Wars underpants.)
Have you ever used the ellipsis much more than you should … in the same post … thinking it added to the comic effect of your writing? (Guilty!)
Have you ever thought you could just keep on writing a post but think you’ve probably babbled on enough? (Guilty!)
Loving this prompt and thinking it will make a return here when I’m too tired to write anything else,
As always- wonderfully written.
Segways SCARE me. My uncle fell off one and had major hand reconstructive surgery. I'm sure just a fluke thing – but they scare me
Bravo to the always HILARIOUS Jenners! Now you're remind me that I need to get some "non Granny looking" underwear
Bravo to the always HILARIOUS Jenners! Now you're remind me that I need to get some "non Granny looking" underwear
Yeah, I have to admit, I get excited when I get new underwear.
I love this list of "Have you's"! I'm guilty of so many of these
I really like the cellphone one because that has happened so many times. Same thing has happened with other objects in my house too 
Oh and the monkey prostitutes! After you mentioned that, I can't get that imagery out of my head
Monkey prostitutes….*snicker* You, my friend, have some of the strangest (and awesome-ist) ideas 
Have you ever googled "killing hobos with hammers and see if you come up? Just curious!
And I have not only saw clothes 4 sizes to small but I BOUGHT them and was devestated when I got home that they didn't fit!
So overuse the ellipses. So ashamed.
I don't know why, but that killing hobos with hammers thing makes me laugh every time. It must be your delivery. XXOO
I don't even know what to respond to…there's so much here! Totally have had that blog moment where I'm all, "it's just…I don't know if you've heard of me…but…I'm Mama Kat?? No?? REALLY!?!" It try to mention my blog every time I leave the house.
Way too many of these are true of me as well…like being astounded at the size of my underwear…or hiding out in the bathroom to read. Seriously, I live in a third world country. It's a whole new level of bizarre that my nasty bathroom seems like a paradise to me. This was a great post. You should definitely do more of them.
That's the only time it pays to be a woman…that period can be a blessing in disguise.
I've done that cell phone thing too! Embarrassing!
What on over achiever you are.
. And hey sometimes when a post is awesome it just needs to keep going.
I admit, I'm guilty of many of these as well.. And at the moment, quite guilty of neglecting homework, housework, and any other form of work to catch up on blog reading. Thanks for the laughs! (Oh yeah, and be proud of being the funny Jenners, you bring smiles to many.)
Oh this is a great post! I'm feeling like its confession time. I just posted at Christina's blog about laughing at my Dads funeral! And I totally relate to laughing during Stations of the Cross. Growing up we were always giggling in church until we got 'shushed' by a parent. LOL.
I kept score – 9 yes, 10 no. So either we're sharing the same brain, or a lot of people are doing these things…which option is scarier to you?
Oh I am so glad you visited my blog today because it led me here to this post! Just hilarious! I have to confess that when I recently bought new underwear for the first time since I became pregnant, underwear that fits and puts things approximately where they should be and not where they ended up DID give me a thrill!!! As for Brad Pitt, I will let you keep him when he comes calling but just so you know, when Johnny Depp finally meets me he will be mine forever
You are hilarious! I love finding people who are equally/ if not more warped as myself. COnsider yourself "followed"!
I do go to the bathroom to escape,however, usually I forget my book on my bedside table. I end up just sitting there, on the porcelain throne, staring at my feet. All the while wishing the little person who is putting their pudgy fingers under the door while asking "are you poopin' momma" would go play cars so I can just breathe in peace. I am sure some day I will miss those dimpled hands invading my private time but for now… a five minute potty break to myself would be nice.
You are funny! Yes, I "have ever" several of these…but I'm not saying which ones!
I'm guilty of SO many of these. WIth the exception of killing a hobo with a hammer, of course.
you must be the MKWW goddess having worked in all 5 prompts!
… I have no idea what you're talking about…
Have you ever used the word "ellipsis" in a blog post? (Nope, but the hilarious Jenners did, hilariously!)
I am guilty of the cell phone thing, the cookie thing of course, and the underwear excitement thing
(Over from Mama's house) You are too funny, LOL ROFL. Yes I have done the panty thing and wondered who left their underwear. I think Brad is the hottest white actor I know, I do believe he is looking more like a hobo lately, hopefully he doesn't end up in your post about "killing a hobo with a hammer"
Over from Mama Kat's
I ADORE that you have a killing hobos with hammers tag.
Baba Booey!
Well, well, well, you ARE just an ass-kissing over achiever, arent' you? LOL And you did a fabulous job at it. I'm jealous.
BTW…not sure where you are or if you're ever there… but, Savannah, GA has a little place where you can RENT Segways for tours! Totally cool and one day I'm gonna do it. They also have pedi-cabs which I LOVE riding in. College kids do the pedicab thing and they work for tips. So awesome. Yeah, I get totally caught up in weird stuff….
I'm still curious if my niece got her birthday present in April. You have that problem too??
My son gets completely excited over his new underpants; especially the Star Wars drawers. Hilarious.
I'm guilty on more of these than I care to talk about…
Stopping by from Mama Kat's. You are a hoot! I am guilty of the underwear disillusionment for sure, and now I have the odd thought about monkeys and prostitution running through my brain this morning. thanks!
Ooh, I am definitely going to have to remember the "gastrointestinal distress" thing when the munchkin is older! Good call!
Oh and BTW…Baba Booey!
i loved the response to "have you
ever blogged?"
that is a carefully guarded secret
of mine. my kids are equal parts
embarrassed and proud of me.
your little guy will love to read
what his mom wrote.
You sure keep that mind of yours busy!!! I hadn't wondered about most of this before, but thanx, I won't sleep tonight now! lol
This post is full of The Awesome! And I'm guilty of too many of these.
You make me laugh out loud!!! I LOVE your posts!
Monkey prostitution…I may just have to get that book…JUST to read about Monkey prostitution. Sad…sad…sad…but it sounds like a good laugh!
::snort::
Oh…and Brad Pitt lost a lot of appeal when he adapted the scruffy look. I like scruffy…just not on HIM.
killing hobos with hammers. That's like a facebook group you can never exit or people will know that you've killed a hobo with a hmammer. LOL
You always make these prompts so much more interesting than they really are.
And I totally knew there was a way to get carbon emissions out of the air – it just takes lots of energy and money but it's possible. I sense a conspiracy theory there.
I realized recently that my parents used the bathroom as a reading place just to get some peace and quiet. Normally I don't, but sometimes… I do.
You should be proud to be the Hilarious Jenners. Next time just smile knowingly and look down your nose at them
great prompt for a post–yes I'm guilty of several of those (my favorite, reading in the bathroom) Thanks for being the hilarious Jenners
These are great. I love this idea and also chose it as my prompt this week. I can't believe your boss actually asked you that! What a loser!
Too funny! You are guilty of some wicked things!
How about, have you ever hid away your underwear that was hanging up drying so that in case you died on the road no one would see how unappealing your underwear was? Guilty!
I am guilty of most of those myself! Once again your post is far better than mine! ARGH!