Random Thoughts During My Vacation
by Jenners • 08/03/2010 • My Take On..., Travels • 32 Comments
So we’re back from our vacation in Florida (which explains my absence from the blogging world this past week). Here are a few of the random thoughts I had while away.
- The reason you can get relatively cheap hotel rates and affordable airfare to Florida in late July is because it is frigging HOT HOT HOT down there.
- Can you really call it a vacation if you are in the constant presence of your child, who NEVER EVER STOPS TALKING unless he is asleep? Let’s just be honest. This was no vacation … it was a trip.
- Mr. Jenners seemingly has a million little joke sayings about business and celebrities–most of which I heard during the trip: Olive Garbage. Comcrap. Radio Scrap. Ellen DeGenerate. Party Shitty. Sometimes I feel like I married a bad stand-up comic.
- Chevrolet Impalas SUCK. Seriously, if I was an impala, I would be insulted to have this car named after me. It was the most unresponsive and clunkiest car I’ve ever driven … and that is from someone who used to drive a Chevy Nova.
- SeaWorld totally LIES about the pearls in the oysters that their (admittedly very attractive) divers get for you (after you agree to pay them $15). Upon closer examination, the Little One’s pearl that we saw come out of an oyster looked suspiciously man made and cheap. I’m so onto you, SeaWorld!
- SeaWorld’s water park (Aquatica) has the best “lazy” river ever– Roa’s Rapids. It is not lazy in the least, but tons of fun. Of course, after 7 consecutive trips around it, the fun began to pale for me.
- If you eat at an IHOP (International House of Pancakes for the Acronym Impaired), it is best to order a breakfast food or something that resembles pancakes. I very much enjoyed my banana nutella crepes, while the Little One and Mr. Jenners had difficulty choking down their dinner entrees. The Little One’s cheeseburger was described as being “like a hockey puck.”
- We moved hotels three times during our trip. I felt like we were on the run from the law or something. (By the way, we planned to do this. I don’t know what we were thinking exactly.)
- I was right when I told the Little One that is wasn’t possible to run down 7 flights of stairs and make it to the outdoor pool in time to see the dolphin swimming by in the nearby bay that we’d seen from our hotel balcony. I know this because I did it and we didn’t see the damn dolphin but I almost suffered a heart attack while trying.
- The Little One swinging around the pole on the monorail in the Orlando Airport looked suspiciously like he had visited a strip club at some point in his life.
- It seems inconceivable to me that there was not one pull-string Sheriff Woody in all of Downtown Disney … or apparently Orlando. This was the “big prize” that was held over the Little One’s head during the entire trip to ensure good behavior. Then, when it came time to pay up, we couldn’t find one to save our lives, which entailed trolling through all the stores in Downtown Disney, two Targets, three Wal-Marts, two off-brand toy stores, and a Disney Store at a mall. Valuable vacation time was spent on this Epic Quest for a doll an action figure that we ended up buying 10 minutes from our home. (Note: It is wrong to giggle like a 10-year-old boy when saying the phrase “I guess you won’t get a Woody in Florida.”)
- Even in a king-sized bed, the Little One still managed to kick me repeatedly during the night.
- I still cannot eat pasta with cream sauce without suffering severe gastrointestinal distress.
- It is entirely possible to spend time in Orlando without going to any of the Disney parks. Suck on that, Mickey!
- You can swallow about 4 gallons of pool water and still feel thirsty.
Oh and big news! I crossed an item off my bucket list!!! I have now “Gone on one of those big ‘drain-like’ water slides.” Of course, I had to do it by myself as the Little One was too freaked out to try it. (Though after I did it, I realize he would have been terrified.) It was really fun, and I guess I now know what it might feel like to be flushed down a toilet.
The Tassie Twister at Aquatica
Just imagine a chubby middle-aged woman instead of this guy
and you’ve practically seen me do the ride!
Happy to sleep in my own bed tonight,
P.S. I’ll be by to visit your blogs and catch up on blogging in the next few days.
Looks like a great trip for you and a great vacation for the Little One!
LOVE it! And no vacation is a real vacation when the kids are around…….
Oh, so much fun. I love Disney. And I love even more sleeping in my own bed. I had one of those Woody's from a kids meal from Burger King once upon a time. I wonder if I still have it? We went on the Disney cruise (highly recommend) in June of 2000. Hot is an understatement. I think that their private cay was made of molten lava.
As for IHOP, same goes for all restaurants that have their specialty in their name…do not even attempt to order something off the plan. It will always taste like a hockey puck!
Enjoy the day!!
Erin
Yahoo for checking an item off your bucket list. I've only been to Miami once on a layover. Went outside at 6 am in July (1998) and almost died it was so hot and humid. My youngest never stops talking either. EVER. It drains me.
Sounds like you had an AWESOME trip! That water slide looks so cool! I've always wanted to try going on one but we never go to waterparks so I never had the opportunity to try. As for IHOP, well the fact that it has pancakes in its name should be a big clue as to what they're good at serving
We love IHOP's breakfast and can't imagine why you would want to get anything else! Good for you for avoiding Disney parks! They're way too expensive these days and you always end up spending most of your time in line too!
Glad to have you back safe and sound!
Sounds as if you had a blast, great fun and also a bit of a tiring experience. It's always nice to come home though. Now you'll need a vacation to get over the one you have just had!
your floridian vacation exhausted me.
i hope your bed feels really good!
hahaha! love your kid on a stripper pole AND what kind of a swimsuit did you have on that stayed on during that ride????? do tell.
I always learn so much from you.
After our vacation last year my husband went on a business trip for a week and came home admitting it had been far more of a vacation being at MIT for a conference all week than at the beach with our daughter
Glad you had a good trip!
I guess Mr. Jenners forgot YOU are the only stand up comic in that marriage. Well, excessive heat can addle the brain.
And in an attempt at solidarity, I too had issues with a cream sauce this weekend (although yours was not necessarily on the weekend).
I'm glad you had a safe trip, hopefully next time it will feel like more of a vacation.
Best vacation recap ever! We went to Orlando on our honeymoon and never stepped foot in anything Disney either. And well innapropiate or not, I laughed at the Flordia Woody too
And seriously, the nonstop talking! I have two that do it at the same time. And they wonder why I don't listen to them.
Sounds like y'all had a great time!! And yes.. Florida (and Alabama) is extremely HOT this time of year!! Today's high is 101 with a heat index of 110. And the humidity?? UGH! Gross. Anyhow… the slide sounds fun. Glad you were able to mark it off your list
I would like to go on vacation with you. But I don't want to share a bed with Mr. Kicksalot and I wouldn't run down 7 flights of stairs unless Jake Gyllenhaal was waiting at the bottom for me. I totally would have gone down that slide with you.
One of my favorite lines was from the TV show modern family. The characters take a trip to Hawaii with their children and the husband says, "It is so great to be on vacation!" The wife's response? "Vacation? When you are a mom, it is a business trip ." EXACTLY!!:)
I got so tickled at this. Why is your misfortune so funny to me?
And SHAME on Sea WORLD!
It's probably why year round passes for Floridians are cheap. They know we aren't going to go there between April and Nov. Glad you got to cross one thing off your bucket list. But seriously, Jenners, you were in FL and didn't call me? I'm heartbroken.
Welcome back!! Loved the toilet bowl comment. Not sure being flushed would be on my bucket list, but I would like to see the water going down the drain counter clockwise south of the equator.
Welcome back!! So glad to hear you had fun!
And if I knew you were looking for that Woody "action figure" I so would have offered up mine!
I think I've heard "You're my favorite deputy" and "There's a snake in my boot" enough times!
Can't wait to hear more stories from vacay!
You'll get your REAL vacation when school starts.
And I must be immature, I keep laughing about eh "no Woody" comment.
My husband always says that it's a trip not a vacation whenever there's family visiting involved.
We're going on vacation at the end of the month. I doubt I will do anything off my bucket list but that's okay. I'm just hoping for a minimal amount of relaxation!
Ha Ha, just wait till TLO becomes a sullen teenager and YEARS will go by without hearing his voice! It will be that time before you know it!
Sounds like a marvelous vacation – er….trip was had by all!
When the Little One gets a little older, you simply must try Discovery Cove. It is worth every single penny!
I hear you – these "vacations" with busy little ones really are just "trips". Glad you're back safely and did not suffer a heart attack!
Sounds like your little one is obsessed with Toy Story like T Rex is – I had to special order a small Emperor Zurg that finally came today. And Woody has been lost for three days – not a pleasant thing around here!
Bud has some Toy Story underwear and the other day I told him that he needed to be careful to not pee on his Woody. My friend looked at me and said that there was nothing right about that sentence. Woody underwear are not for the immature when potty training.
That was hilarious, Jenners. The Sea World scam made me laugh out loud.
Do you need a vacation from your vacation yet? Yes? I thought so!
Haha, I'm glad you guys had FUN!
What! Sea World lies about the pearls? I still treasure the one my new spouse bought me on our honeymoon in San Diego almost 30 years ago.
I enjoyed reading about your trip. I can't wait to take my granddaughters to Florida.
"Can you really call it a vacation if you are in the constant presence of your child, who NEVER EVER STOPS TALKING unless he is asleep? Let's just be honest. This was no vacation … it was a trip"
LOL….I am relieved to know that my son is Normal….
I'm glad you had a good trip! I agree that it isn't really a vacation with the kids.
Glad you had a good trip. I lol'd about LO's pole dancing.
Cool that you went down that ride. I'm nervous just looking at it! I agree about those hockey pucks at IHOP. Run away from anything that's not a pancake there!! I enjoyed your vacation randomness. Glad that you had fun. Welcome back!