A Valley Girl’s Take on Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen
by Jenners • 09/27/2010 • 3.5 Stars, A Authors, Classics, P Titles • 116 Comments
It seems ridiculous to write a serious review of Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen. After all, the book has been around for a while, and I may be one of the few people who hadn’t read the book before 2010. So, for giggles, I thought I’d discuss the book as if I was a teenage Valley Girl. Hope you enjoy! (And my apologies to Jane … I don’t mean any disrespect. But you strike me as someone who has a good sense of humor so I’m sure you’d enjoy my light-hearted take on your book.)
So, like, I read this book? Called Pride & Prejudice? It totally takes place ages ago. Like way before my mom was even born. And it is set in England, which is like the U.K., where the Spice Girls came from? And like, OHMYGOD, how hot is David Beckham!!???? He’s so married to Posh Spice, who is, like, incredibly skinny even though she’s had like five kids.
Like how hot is David Beckham? Even with that dork sweater?
So, anyway, this book takes place a long time ago in England. Things were a lot different then. Like, they didn’t have malls! Or texting! They wrote letters WITH THEIR OWN HANDS and rode around in horse-drawn carriages or like WALKED to places. But, on the cool side, they had balls and stuff, which I think is kind of like a prom. And OHMYGOD I hope Jimmy Zinkas doesn’t ask me to the prom! He is such a LOSER and has, like, totally gross hair! Ugh.
So, there are all these sisters … the Bennett sisters. I think it would be totally cool to have so many sisters (so I could totally borrow clothes) instead of my annoying little brother. The oldest one is Jane and she’s like totally pretty. And then there is Elizabeth, who is like the main girl in the story, and she is like really smart but TOTALLY doesn’t do what she is supposed to. I thought she was so cool! She’s like all thinking for herself and not doing what her mom wants her to do.
Oh … and her mother! Don’t get me started! What a FREAK SHOW! She is totally obsessed with getting her daughters married … and she like totally doesn’t even CARE if they are in love or anything!!! And she is so embarrassing … always making a fool of herself. Totally like my mom, you know? Like how my mom tried to get me to shop at K-Mart for clothes! I mean, K-Mart!! Seriously, Mom! Why don’t you just kill me now!?! I’d rather like DIE than shop at K-Mart. I mean, everyone knows you have to shop at Hollister or commit social suicide. I mean, jeez, Mom! Get with it! You’re totally clueless like Mrs. Bennett.
But Elizabeth’s dad … he was like totally fun and kind of made fun of Mrs. Bennett …. but like Mrs. Bennett totally didn’t even know.
So, anyway, this totally rich and hot guy named Bingley moves down the road from the Bennett girls and Jane is like all gaga over him and he likes her too. So, like, they all go to a ball at his house ‘cuz he’s like totally rich and he and Jane dance together a lot. But he has this friend? Named Mr. Darcy … who is like totally even richer but he is a total jerk and insults Elizabeth and so everyone hates him. But they keep having to see him ‘cuz Jane is all into Bingley but THEN … Bingley and all his friends just like TOTALLY LEAVE and don’t even tell Jane goodbye and Jane is all heart-broken and Elizabeth is all POed on Jane’s behalf.
Like how hot is Mr. Darcy here ... even though he is totally old-timey?
And then … OH YEAH … this TOTAL LOSER named Mr. Collins comes to stay with the Bennetts and he like their cousin and all but he wants to MARRY Elizabeth! Her cousin! Ewwwww! Gross! Isn’t that, like, illegal or something? But he totally is going to get the big house they live in when Mr. Bennett dies and Mrs. Bennett is like “Oh Elizabeth … you HAVE to marry him!” But Elizabeth is like “NO WAY! I totally won’t. He’s such a LOSER!!!!” So then Collins marries a friend of Elizabeth’s just like ONE DAY LATER! MY GAWD! I’d be soooo pissed if I was Elizabeth but she totally doesn’t care … she’s just sorry for her friend to have live to with such a loser.
Oh, I forgot to mention that Elizabeth kind of likes this other guy … Mr. Wickham, who is totally hot and tells her all kinds of awful things about Mr. Darcy and what a jerk he is. They kind of bond over this but then Wickham kind of disappears and avoids Elizabeth and starts paying attention to another girl and Elizabeth is like “Whatever…”
So then Jane goes to stay with her aunt and uncle in London, and Elizabeth goes to visit her and then to see her friend who married Collins and guess who she runs into? Mr. Darcy! And he’s all gaga over her but she’s pissed because Darcy convinced Bingham to ignore Jane and Elizabeth just rips Darcy a new one and he’s all apologetic but Elizabeth… who is totally like My IDOL now … says “Forget you … you don’t mess with my sister.”
Then! SCANDAL! The youngest Bennett sister Lydia runs off with Wickham .. and like they’re NOT married!! Even MY mom would be pissed at this and we don’t live in an uptight time like the Bennetts, where you had to behave a certain way and weren’t even allowed to get muddy or flushed cheeks without people saying nasty things about you.
But then it turns out that Darcy is really a good guy! He totally does all this stuff to fix things with Lydia and Wickham AND gets Jane and Bingham back together AND he begs Elizabeth for forgiveness and she’s like “Wow … you are SO not the jerk I thought you were!” and she loves him too and they totally decide to get married and so do Jane and Bingham and even Mrs. Bennett is happy ‘cuz all her girls are getting married so they won’t be poor and homeless.
I wonder if Jimmy Zinkas would ever look at me like this?
And so, even thought it was like TOTALLY different than my life and they talked like ALL THE TIME and for a REALLY LONG TIME and like TOTALLY WEIRD and stuff, I kind of liked this book and how Elizabeth did what SHE thought was right and didn’t listen to anybody! And it makes me wonder if Jimmy Zinkas is as bad as I thought he was … I mean, he DID stop those other boys from picking on the exchange student the other day so maybe there is something good there behind all that hair. Hmmm….it makes me wonder if I judged him too quickly???
So, if you’re like looking for a famous book to read that is really old and different from your own life, you might want to check this book out. It’s like REALLY famous and totally made into a movie and the guy who plays Mr. Darcy is kind of cute in an old-fashioned way. And I actually listened to part of the book on an audiobook on my iPod (once I found it after my jerk brother took it!), and I thought it almost worked better as an audio book than as a a “reading” book … because of the language you know? And even though it isn’t like, as good as the Twilight books, I think it was pretty OK and maybe I would try this author again. I hear there’s this old movie called Clueless that is based on one of Jane Austen’s books so maybe I’ll try that next.
okey I like what u did with your review so fun to read but I also fill a little bit offended cuz well i am like from the valley and stuff jajaja but what you did was so original love it.
Glad you enjoyed it … despite my perpetuation of Valley Girl stereotypes!
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I’m sorry you didn’t like it as much as Twilight, LOL
Hilarious!! I’m sure people in the office were wondering why I laughed out loud. Ooops!
The perils of reading blogs while supposedly working! : )
Jenners…Upon my word, you must give consequence to this newly 50 year old who must use the facilities before bouts of unbecoming and unladylike fits of laughter. Delightful prose!
Sorry this post made you so undignified and unladylike! ; )
Seriously!?! You like totally rocked the house with this post! I was almost laughing out loud (I have sleeping children. ) The comments were just as funny as the post itself. Fun. Fun.
The comments were hilarious on this post, weren’t they? Everyone was channeling their inner Valley Girl!
OMG I found your blog through Mama Kat and this is one of the funniest things I’ve ever read…awesome job
I enjoyed reading your post too!
OMG. So I totes didn’t read that because you know I’m not into that stuff, but like the pictures were hawt. They should get David Beckham to play Mr. Darcy.
Like OMG how HOT would Mr. Darcy be if David played him? I’m DYING over here!
You are too hilarious! I absolutely loved your take on Pride and Prejudice
I absolutely loved this book and the BBC version of the movie. It’s something about the British accent….I think I’m just a sucker for the accent. Plus, it’s an interesting romance read…at least I think it is 
I definitely think it is a romance read … it just takes a while for the lovebirds to see each other clearly. And I agree … an British accent makes everything better.
Oh my gosh . . . that is the most entertaining review I have read in a LONG time, possibly ever!
So glad you enjoyed it. It was a blast to write.
You way too cool!! Funny
You have to watch the Pride & Prejudice with Colin Firth. He’s so dreamy in it!!! Sighing the 15 year old in my 42 year old head…
Seems like people are split between Mr. Firth and the “other guy” (whose name I don’t know.) I’ll have to check them both out.
Like, oh my gaaahd, you are so totally awesome Jenners!
How long did you stay in your valley girl mode after writing this? I bet it was like having a song stuck in your head for a whole day
You totally called it! That song was stuck in my head for way too long afterwards!
Wow! Where have I been? Does this mean that LWALOAM is history? This is a very clever format. Like it a lot. And your review of P&P, one of my all-time favorites, was very fun to read. Good work, mom!!
Yep … LWALOAM is now integrated into this blog. I finally decided two blogs was too much work so I integrated my book blog and personal blog into this one. As always, feel free to skip anything that doesn’t interest you.
You’re, like, totally awesome.
For sure!
hilarious! I’m still chuckling, you make a perfect valley girl
And I agree, I’m sure Jane Austen has a great sense of humor. You should watch the PBS version of Pride and Prejudice. I really liked it. But the movie with Kiera Knightly is my very favorite.
It was easier to channel that Valley Girl than I want to admit! : )
Stellar review, Jenners! Totally bitchin’! Like seriously!
(I loved it! This would be a great way to get young girls into reading Jane Austen!)
Like OMG … so glad you liked it! : )
Okay…. FIRST of all, I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE the new site. Seriously… very nicely done!! SECOND, this post was friggin’ hilarious. I’ve read that book multiple times, but this brought a whole new level of appreciation. Okay, that’s all for now. I’m going to explore this new awesome blog for awhile and see what I’ve been missing!
I’m loving WordPress. I wish I’d moved a long time ago. Everything is so much more stable and easy to customize. I’m having a blast with it. Glad you found me!
Great review! That cracks me up about Clueless. I’ve seen both movie versions–the BBC version with Colin Firth and the 2005 one with Matthew Macfadyen. Matthew Macfadyen wins! I much prefer the newer version and it’s only 2 hours compared to the 5 hours of the BBC one.
If you try another Austen, I would recommend Persuasion. Emma is a good one as well.
It seems like I might have to do a P&P movie version smackdown at some point.
This was such a great review. Hehe, “old movie named clueless”
Yeah … like from the 1990s or something. ANCIENT!
I can *totally* tell you had fun with this! Great post!
So much fun. I think she’ll have to come back in the future.
Lol. Bet you had fun with this! I’ve never actually been able to finish an Austen novel before. It’s SO wordy!
I had a ton of fun with this … I think I’ll have to bring Ms. Valley Girl back again sometime.
Best write up on Pride and Prejudice that I’ve ever read – definitely the most entertaining, too.
It seemed ridiculous to review a book that has been around for ages in anything other than a silly manner.
Ha! Pride and Prejudice is one of my favorite books! I’m, like, totally glad you discovered it and stuff!
Like for sure!
Oh my gosh – I laughed so hard while I read this my family came running to see what was going on. I never knew totally was such a big element of Valley speak – wow, I like should totally drop that word from my vocabulary now.
Yeah … you totally should.
OMG like no way. I never read this book either and like now you have and like whatever. i thought we were gonna never read it together but then you went and like read it and all and now I’m the only one who hasn’t.
Can I use your notes when i take the test on Wednesday because like they are way better than the book.
You should totally write one. Not notes but books.
Like you can so use my notes and like isn’t Jimmy Zinkas just totally cute?
I love your reviews.
Awww shucks. And my reviews love you!
A. We love Mr. Darcy
B. We live in “the Valley” and appreciate you speaking our language
That was fun, thanks!
It warms my heart that some real Valley Girls love Mr. Darcy! Perhaps my fiction is reality!
It’s always such a breath of fresh air to read your reviews!! This one was hilarious!!
I’ve yet to read my first Jane Austen. Someday, maybe.
I can’t tell you how glad I am that I was NOT the last person on earth to read Jane Austen … you are!
Like, um, I totally lost you for awhile, Jenners, and I was like, WTF? Where is Jenners? But, OMG! I totally found you again, and you go and do a post that is so cool I want to gag MYSELF with a spoon. Just sayin’
Like, um, glad I found you!
I’m glad you found me too! I kind of went nuts, pulled up stakes and moved my blog during a bit of a frenzy last week.
Laughing out loud over here! Loved this post so much
Awww..thanks!
I meant to also say that the Collins guy is like totally gag me with a spoon gross! Like I mean really man!
LOL
I know … he was a horrible horrible character wasn’t he?
You are hilarious! And totally like creative!
I love your review of this book, it’s priceless. It also reminded me of the movie “Clueless”! I was wondering if the 3.5 rating is the Valley Girl’s opinion or yours? Or both?!
Terrific review, Jenners!
~ Amy
The rating is both of ours. I liked it … but I didn’t LOVE it.
I was in HS when this “Valley Speak” stuff was popular! Gag me
! I remember this movie, valley girl meets punk and falls in love; don’t remember the name, but Nicolas Cage played the punk. And of course who could forget Fast Times at Ridgemont High!
But, like, arent these guys here way too old to be even cute?! Even Beckham?! Justin Beiber as Mr. Darcy would SO be awesome.
You know I’m so kidding about Justin Beiber, haha
, loved your review format!
You better be kidding about Justin Bieber … or I’m going to have to cut you off forever!! I don’t get him at all!!!
Like thank you to the max!
Oh my God, this is like a totally rad, not gag me with a spoon, review! Fur sure…
And, like, you totally speak Valley Girl really good!
You just keep getting cleverer and cleverer every day Jenners! Personally, I think all those old-timey guys look like they smell. Except for when Mr. Darcy/Colin Firth comes out of the river, with his wet white shirt. That would have been the time to cozy up before he gets all stinky again. Bravo on channeling your inner valley girl!
You just kill me! I bet they do smell! In fact, I bet they ALL smell. Perhaps old books smell musty becuase that is the reality of what people smelled like back then.
That was great! “Old movie called Clueless.” I feel so old now.
And only David Beckham could carry off that sweater. (I’m pretty sure my Dad had one like that in the 70s.)
In writing that line about Clueless, I felt old too. (It was fun channeling my inner teen … rather than my ratty old mom self.)
And I’m with you … only Mr. Beckham could rock that sweater.
Oh I love this review, it’s hilarious, I’ve just not been able to get through a Jane Austen. Maybe I’ll give it another try.
Perhaps you should try the zombie versions!
That was, like, a totally awesome review, you know? Totes. TTYL.
For sure! : )
Most entertaining book review ever! I have never read it either, just seen the movies, including the awesome almost 5 hour version that is probably pretty much the exact wording in the book anyway.
And I’ve never seen the movies! But I totally want to … I imagine they could be quite good.
I like totally dig your book reviews. It makes me kinda want to read a book when I’m not watching Jersey Shore or like texting my BFF.
Ease into it slowly. You cannot go from Snooki to Elizabeth Bennett without inducing some kind of headache. You’ve been warned.
Like how hot is this review? Pure genius!
Like as hot as David Beckham! : )
OHMYGOD THIS WAS HILARIOUS. You might be my hero. I’m linking to this the first chance I get!!
Like oh wow. I (I mean, she) would totally like appreciate that!
Love it and totally relate ha ha, I’m an English girl living in So. California!
So like it must be weird for you living there, huh? : )
Like, totally.
lol…what else can one say?
One can say “Totally rad” or “This post is so not grody.” But LOL is good too. : )
That review is, like, awesome. And I’m, like, totally rolling on the floor laughing. Seriously, you have to read more of these way old books cause I’m all “wow, she’s reading, like, a BOOK!” You are sooooooo funny and talented and…..and, yeah.
Like I think I’ll do a series of Valley Girl Reads the Classics! “Making reviews of old books fun again!”
Now you just have to get teenage girls to read this review. They’d like totally forget about Team Jacob and wanna join Team Fitzwilliam (had to look that up, I just always think of him as Darcy).
And I still think the version with Colin Firth is the best one out there.
You should check your library for it.
I want to see the movie version (both of them) just to figure out who the hottest Darcy is. It will be my service to the teenage girls of America.
After that, you have to watch Lost in Austen, which is hilarious. A modern-day London woman (and total Janeite) finds a portal to Longbourne in her bathroom. Elizabeth Bennet tricks her into switching places and she messes up the whole story! Lots of great actors including Alex Kingston (from ER as Mrs. Bennet) and Hugh Bonneville as Mr. Bennet. Awesome!
Thanks for the tip … it sounds fun!
Wait, you like, read and stuff? Huh.
Like I know … don’t tell my friends. They’d so kick me out of the Cool Girls Club!
That was great!
Glad you enjoyed it! : )
lol…great post!!
I like totally luv Pride & Prejudice too
And god bless David Beckham.
Isn’t David Beckham totally amazing looking? I mean, anyone else would have looked so lame in that sweater but he still rocks it.
That IS a horrible sweater! And someone please give Posh a cheeseburger!
I know … how can she be THAT thin? It is unnatural!
Love it!!
And I’m totally with you that Darcy’s hot.
I think that particular Darcy is hotter than the Colin Firth one … but that’s just me. I know that might be a controversial statement!
It’s not controversial for me!! I actually did a whole post in early 2009 comparing the two Darcys. I actually find Mr. Firth to be extremely UGLY even though I admit he’s a good actor.
Amanda, I guess we will have to agree to disagree. I will always find Colin Firth adorable, especially since Love Actually. I think Matthew MacFadyen is more broody. He’s also great in The Way We Live Now even though he plays a real stinker. Also wonderful in Little Dorrit, though it might make you run far, far away as it is Dickens.
OMG!! You have to, like, read Pride and Prejudice and Zombies now — it’s like the same stories but WITH ZOMBIES TOO. LIke, the Bennet sisters have been trained as ninjas and fight all the zombies in England. Awesome!!!!!
My 13 year old daughter is reading this so she can come to our next Jane Austen book group meeting. She is already planning zombie-themed snacks. I’m worried.
Like I so totally need to read that cuz it sounds TOTALLY AWESOME. And your daughter sounds like a really cool girl!
Zombie snacks. Hmmm…
I love all the inventive ways you do posts, brilliant, I never know quite what to expect.
I’ll also have to make an effort to read P & P, it’s just that it really doesn’t appeal to me. No, not even after reading your fun post.
My goal in life is to keep you on your toes and guessing what I might do next! : )
Dude! You actually know that the England is the UK?? Have you been paying attention to the teacher in Geography class? You’re such a dork.
Like OMG … I need to totally hide that or my friends will like totally drop me!
LOL! What an original post! I love it
Glad you enjoyed it! It was so fun to write.