Writer’s Workshop: Dear Robert Pattinson
by Jenners • 09/01/2010 • Writers Workshop • 26 Comments
This week, I’m choosing Prompt 4: Open letter to a celebrity.
Dear Robert Pattinson:
Yes, I realize the ridiculousness of a 42-year-old housewife writing a fan letter (of sorts) to you. And as my friend Mr. Debbie Downer pointed out to me, I could be your mother–if I’d had a child at age 20 instead of 36. But let’s forget all that because I’m really just writing to you to tell you about this dream I had about you the other night. (Believe me, I realize how it must make your skin crawl to have middle-aged women dreaming about you … scary, I’m sure. But don’t worry … it isn’t too skeevy!)
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| Well, Hi There! |
So, in my dream, I was sitting in an auditorium with a bunch of other people and you were doing a question and answer session. I was sitting in the second row. (Jeesh … even in my dreams I don’t get the front row!) You were being very charming and funny. Some of the questions were about Harry Potter and your portrayal of Cedric Diggory. Other questions were (inevitably) about Twilight. Other questions were just random questions about your favorite color and stuff like that.
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| You As Cedric Diggory |
You were walking around, interacting with the audience, and I was sitting there making witty comments in response to some of what you said. I kind of caught your attention because I was so funny. (It wasn’t because I was drop-dead gorgeous … I remember even in my dream thinking “God I’m a bit chubby!!!”) We started having a little banter, and then you caught sight of the book on my lap. (Because Lord knows I never go anywhere without a book to read.)
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| You Have A Book Nearby … Just Like Me! |
The book was Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (which is the final installment of Collin’s wildly popular Hunger Games books and that I really had been reading before I fell asleep.) You said “Oh, wow.” And you bent down close and whispered in my ear “Guess what? I’ve been cast in the movie version. Guess who I’m going to play?” And I whispered back “Peeta?” And you gave me one of your devilish grins and nodded. Then you asked me (and only me) if I wanted to come back stage with you to talk more. Of course I agreed. I remember standing up and apologizing for my slovenly appearance, but you said “It doesn’t matter. It isn’t your body I’m interested in. It’s your mind.” Oh boy … swoon! And then …
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| This is kind of what you looked like in my dream |
That was it. That was the whole dream. Totally lame for a celebrity sex dream, I think. In fact, it probably doesn’t even qualify as a sex dream as nothing happened except I got a little excited when you whispered in my ear.
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| This is a good photo of you. |
Why am I writing to tell you this? Well, it fits the writing prompt, for one. And also, it made me realize:
- Even in my dreams, I get poor seating.
- Even in my dreams, I’m reading a book at an inappropriate time.
- Even in my dreams, I realize I need to lose weight.
- Even in my dreams, I stay fully clothed and don’t do anything that Mr. Jenners could get mad about.
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| You look good dressed up. |
I think I need to learn to have better dreams, don’t you? I have a recurring flying dream but, even in that dream, I only really hover about 5 feet off the ground and move forward about 10 feet or so. So it isn’t really a flying dream as much as a hovering dream. What a loser!!
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| This is NOT a good photo of you. But it makes me realize we have a lot in common. Like regrettable past clothing and hairstyle choices. |
So, Mr. Pattinson, I shall work on my dreaming abilities and try to get something more exciting going. I’m sure you’re thrilled. Oh … and if you should get cast as Peeta in a Hunger Games movie, I want a cut of the profits.
Your Fan Who Is Ashamed to Be A Fan,
G-rated sex dream! Maybe deeper in your subconscious, you remember reading that Mr. Pattinson has difficulty with hygiene – so fully clothed could be an advantage.
And I still don't see what all the hoopla is about him – but then I only read about 200 pages of Twilight, and only half watched the movie.
Too funny. I'm blushing when I think of my latest dream of my crush, Hugh Jackman. I think I'm 15 again!!
You never cease to crack me right up!
Jeeze he's so hot!
Perv.
love this post and especially how you used his pictures in it–but mostly I liked that you were still you in the dream. I just watched "Remember Me" starring robert pattinson. have you seen it? I'd like to know what you think.
i loved how you included pictures of how you dream would have looked like. very creative!
love robert pattinson!
Wow, you weren't kidding when you said you had a crush on him. Now I believe you. I didn't even know he's British until the other day. On the bright side, the rock I live under is quite comfortable.
Admit it – you dreamt about him because of reading it on my blog. (Say it so I feel better about myself.
)
Well my, my, my…what a dream indeed! I'm glad that Rob has proven (via your dream) that he's really interested in people's minds…although this makes me curious about what he sees in Kristin Stewart. Weird, don't you think?
I'm pretty sure the rainbow striped sweater is what led it to be a connection of the mind and not body.
Love your letter! You made me laugh.
Stopped in from Mama Kat's.
God, you still make me snort! I've missed you, my friend!!! You just get better and better!
Hilarious! Wishing you more wonderful dreams very soon…
I'm with Jennifer..I didnt realize he was Cedric…your letter is fantastically funny….and I think its hot that he whispered in your ear…and especially with that grin…OoooooH…!
!.Hey your dream is all about the build-up…isnt that the best part..!….and I love how you "hover" five feet..and then move 10…you are a riot..
lol. I think you should be proud that Mr Jenners could be an observer in any of your dreams and it would be ok.
I didn't even realize he had been in Harry Potter, lol. I just don't like him much, or the Twilight books/movies. But I was impressed with what he did in Remember Me, so I think I'll like him in other roles too.
Absolutely brilliant! I really think you should send this to him – oh wait, maybe someone has already tweeted this and he is about to stop on by and read it and……
Not even dream cheating, that is very admirable
That was hilarious! Your dream was just overflowing with sexual tension even if you didn't actually do anything other than have a conversation with him. On the bright side, at least you didn't dream-cheat on Mr. Jenners!
Well aren't you a good girl! I had a teacher who told us we were sinning if we had "bad dreams" about people, but I don't think even she would think this confession worthy.
Okay I feel like a bad fan of the man as I didn't realize he was Cedric either.
My dreams rarely involve people other than my family, talk about boring.
I've had so many dreams about that yummy man, I can't keep track. But mine go A LOT further than yours do. Don't be ashamed. He's a great looking man with an accent (which makes me weak in the knees)….perfect dream material!
My dreams are always xrated. Just not with him…ew
Hilarious to the nth power. This is a stellar post. Loved your observations. Humble and brutally funny. Extra points for finding the rainbow sweater.
Yes, you really do need to work on those dreams, at least dream about him without his shirt.
LOL! I dream like that too! Totally wake up realizing even in my dreams I am fat and lame.
Although – I personally think YOU are neither fat nor lame!
Great pics today though! hehe!
Do Not Be Ashamed.
You have very fine taste my friend, fine taste indeed.
This is hilarious, and you know I didn't even realize he played Cedric Diggory until this post. He gets that unfortunate redness/blushing on his cheeks sometimes. I wonder how they tamed that down in Twilight.
Hilarious! Also, I have lame dreams too. Tidal waves and tornados and such. I would KILL for a Robert Pattison dream, even if I was reading a book.:)