Join the fun over at Mama’s Losin’ It
This week, I’m choosing Prompt 4: Open letter to a celebrity.
Dear Robert Pattinson:
Yes, I realize the ridiculousness of a 42-year-old housewife writing a fan letter (of sorts) to you. And as my friend Mr. Debbie Downer pointed out to me, I could be your mother–if I’d had a child at age 20 instead of 36. But let’s forget all that because I’m really just writing to you to tell you about this dream I had about you the other night. (Believe me, I realize how it must make your skin crawl to have middle-aged women dreaming about you … scary, I’m sure. But don’t worry … it isn’t too skeevy!)
|Well, Hi There!|
So, in my dream, I was sitting in an auditorium with a bunch of other people and you were doing a question and answer session. I was sitting in the second row. (Jeesh … even in my dreams I don’t get the front row!) You were being very charming and funny. Some of the questions were about Harry Potter and your portrayal of Cedric Diggory. Other questions were (inevitably) about Twilight. Other questions were just random questions about your favorite color and stuff like that.
|You As Cedric Diggory|
You were walking around, interacting with the audience, and I was sitting there making witty comments in response to some of what you said. I kind of caught your attention because I was so funny. (It wasn’t because I was drop-dead gorgeous … I remember even in my dream thinking “God I’m a bit chubby!!!”) We started having a little banter, and then you caught sight of the book on my lap. (Because Lord knows I never go anywhere without a book to read.)
|You Have A Book Nearby … Just Like Me!|
The book was Mockingjay by Suzanne Collins (which is the final installment of Collin’s wildly popular Hunger Games books and that I really had been reading before I fell asleep.) You said “Oh, wow.” And you bent down close and whispered in my ear “Guess what? I’ve been cast in the movie version. Guess who I’m going to play?” And I whispered back “Peeta?” And you gave me one of your devilish grins and nodded. Then you asked me (and only me) if I wanted to come back stage with you to talk more. Of course I agreed. I remember standing up and apologizing for my slovenly appearance, but you said “It doesn’t matter. It isn’t your body I’m interested in. It’s your mind.” Oh boy … swoon! And then …
|This is kind of what you looked like in my dream|
That was it. That was the whole dream. Totally lame for a celebrity sex dream, I think. In fact, it probably doesn’t even qualify as a sex dream as nothing happened except I got a little excited when you whispered in my ear.
|This is a good photo of you.|
Why am I writing to tell you this? Well, it fits the writing prompt, for one. And also, it made me realize:
- Even in my dreams, I get poor seating.
- Even in my dreams, I’m reading a book at an inappropriate time.
- Even in my dreams, I realize I need to lose weight.
- Even in my dreams, I stay fully clothed and don’t do anything that Mr. Jenners could get mad about.
|You look good dressed up.|
I think I need to learn to have better dreams, don’t you? I have a recurring flying dream but, even in that dream, I only really hover about 5 feet off the ground and move forward about 10 feet or so. So it isn’t really a flying dream as much as a hovering dream. What a loser!!
|This is NOT a good photo of you. But it makes me realize we have a lot in common. Like regrettable past clothing and hairstyle choices.|
So, Mr. Pattinson, I shall work on my dreaming abilities and try to get something more exciting going. I’m sure you’re thrilled. Oh … and if you should get cast as Peeta in a Hunger Games movie, I want a cut of the profits.
Your Fan Who Is Ashamed to Be A Fan,