Writer’s Workshop: Jobs I Don’t Want
by Jenners • 10/06/2010 • My Take On..., Writers Workshop • 89 Comments
Time for Writer’s Workshop! Head on over to Mama Kat’s to join in.
This week, I’m choosing prompt 1: Describe a job you absolutely would never want to do. (inspired by Karen from Karen & Gerard Zemek). My question is, why stop at one? I could list hundreds of jobs I would never want to do. (But don’t worry … I’ll limit it to just a few.)
- A medical technician who performs anal bleaching. Seriously .. it is a real procedure! ACK!
- Slaughterhouse worker. Just.couldn’t.do.it.
- Crime scene clean-up technician. I can barely watch the crime scenes on Dexter … let alone think about cleaning up the remains of dead people every day.
- Surgeon. Nothing about me is suited for this position—from my poor eyesight to my disgust of blood to inability to debone a chicken.*
Out of these three surgeons, one of them doesn't know what they are doing. Can you guess which one that is?
- Professional chef. I don’t like cooking at home for three people. Why would I want to do this every night for hours at a time? HELL ON EARTH!
- Cashier. I’m horrible at math. If you ask me “Jenners, what is 18 + 6?,” absolutely NOTHING comes to me. I once worked the cash register at a fast food place, and it was a nightmare. Even though the cash register did all the thinking for you, people would do stuff like give me extra money to get back a round amount and I’d go in to panic mode and get completely flummoxed. I lasted 2 hours before being removed.
- Drive-through window order taker. At the same fast food place where I was the cashier for 2 hours, I also worked the drive-through window. I couldn’t understand ANYTHING the people were saying over the speaker … let alone take orders while handing out food. I lasted there less than an hour … after 5 messed up orders and a long line, I was quickly removed from my post.
- Unpaid worker who cleans up other people’s messes, performs menial repetitive jobs over and over with little or no thanks, and cares for a mercurial tyrant who never stops talking and thinks the world revolves around him. Oh wait … I have that job. It is called Stay-At-Home Mom.
* Not to imply in any way that performing surgery is the same as deboning a chicken. Yet I bet most surgeons could skillfully debone a chicken, whereas I cannot.
You’re too funny! So pretty much any job that requires a medical degree or some medical training is out of the question, huh? I totally agree though. I like to believe in the whole personal bubble thing if possible. Probably why I work in IT. Minimal human contact
Exactly … minimal human contact with people AND their bodily fluids!
The first one had me laughing out loud. That job would definitely suck. I’ve been a terrible blog reader lately, but I’m so glad I stopped by for a chuckle
I just learned about anal bleaching a few weeks ago and it kind of stuck with me. (As you might expect.)
i could never work in the service industry as a waitress. ant and i eat out waaay too much and have seen waiters and waitresses treated so poorly. if that was me, i’d probably dump a bowl of soup on the rude customer and call it a day.
I don’t think you would last long as a waitress … that’s for sure!
haha great post!
I’d never be able to work in a slaughterhouse. I’d cry/puke all day long.
I know … I think that would be my state of mind as well.
I’ve worked in #2, #5, #6, #7 & #8. #8 is the hardest
Wow … I’m impressed with your resume of jobs I wouldn’t want to do!
Must say that I would stink at all those jobs too! Thank goodness my job is writing.
You have my dream job!
I completely agree with you for every one of those jobs – except for being a cashier. I have a weird aptitude for maths. Well, not weird, I guess, but I find it enjoyable?
Anyway, love the surgeons pic, & a great post!
I think it helps to have a weird aptitude for maths if you’re going to be a cashier. Otherwise it is a nightmare!
So did you ever find a position at the fast food place that fit you?
I completely agree about the professional chef thing. And as for surgery – I’d be great with the blood as long as they could promise me no one was ever going to throw up. Yeah, I don’t think that’s going to happen.
Ironic that I signed up for the job of mom though since there is a fair amount of dealing with people sick to their stomachs in that job. I’d actually consider being hypnotized if they could make me not freak out so much about it. That and spiders.
I wonder what the mental health is like for slaughterhouse workers? It can’t be good I would think – I know I’d be so depressed if that was my job.
At the fast food place, I excelled at busing tables and washing pots and pans. (And sneaking pudding in the fridge.)
lol i needed that laugh. and why yes, yes i think you’re right those most definitely are jobs that i *wouldn’t* want to have myself! love the post, love your writing!
Thanks for the lovely comment. : )
I could be a surgeon. No problem. Not sure if I’d do well as a doc in an ER though. I have to be prepared for what I’ll see and then I am fine. Stumbling upon a broken body with bones sticking out would alarm me a bit.
Anal bleaching?? Really?
The others mentioned Mike Rowe. I live Mike! His sarcasm is great when he is doing these jobs.
My 6-year-old loves that show. He’s always saying “Let’s play Dirty Jobs.” I hope it doesn’t carry over to his real career!
I think you would have been hysterical and funny and endearing as a drive-thru order taker/cashier/
I would be … except if it was your order I was taking.
Yes when you think of being a mom that way it really kind of sucks. I lucked out and never had to work fast food. I was a hostess for a restraunt and ran the cash register which did NOT tell you how much change to give. I was super good at figuring out change by the end of my job.
I might have done better if I’d actually had to think … but I tend to give too much change. Like if I had to give you 35 cents, I’d probably give 3 dimes and a nickel instead of a quarter and a dime.
I could be a Go Go dancer 30 years ago, I couldn’t do any of those medical things either, I personally think you and I have the best job even if our boss’ never say thank you. I’m a stay at home mom too.
Yay for the stay at home moms! Long may she prosper under the tyrannical rule of her little bosses!
Hey- this is new- looks great (ok, I might be a little behind in my reading). I have always been terrified of the thought of being a fast food worker… that drive through window always scared me. I thought I was the only one!
You’re not the only one … and I’m glad you found my new place!
Oh the anal bleaching I would never want to do – I’d never even heard of it but now I have, then no. Everything else on your list I could cope with. In England there is no such thing but now I live here I can tell you the job I would least like to do is to be one of those pooper scooper services that come around and clear your back yard of dog poop. THAT is a disgusting job.
I’d never heard of anal bleaching until last week … but it stuck in my head (obviously).
And I’m with you … scooping poop (whether for a dog or any other animal) is not my idea of a good job!
One of these was a choice in my “favorite five – fantasy careers” post. I’ll give you a hint…. it wasn’t the anal bleaching job. (and why on earth would someone bleach their anus??)
http://ksrgmck.blogspot.com/2010/05/favorite-five-fantasy-careers.html
Hmmmm…I’m going to guess surgeon?
And why someone would bleach their anus is beyond me!! A mystery!
I’ve been a book store owner and it’s probably not what you think, especially in this economy.
I would hate any job dealing with septic tanks.
I’m sure the whole book store idea is more of my fantasy idea than a reality. I’m imagining something like Meg Ryan’s store in You’ve Got Mail!
Yeah. Pretty much. People suck. Animals rule.
I agree with all your choices, and would add any job that I would come into contact with something nasally offensive, like cleaning bathrooms or locker rooms. I also don’t think I would make a good surgeon because I am just so bad with bodily fluids. I loved this post!
Oh yes …. jobs with bad smells are off the list.
We think the same–I wouldn’t want any of those jobs either. And I have been employed as an “Unpaid worker who cleans up other people’s messes, performs menial repetitive jobs over and over with little or no thanks, and cares for a mess of mercurial tyrants who never stop talking and thinks the world revolves around them”. I’ve had that job for 32 years!!!!!! Sad thing is I really like it.
Ssshhhh … I kind of like it too.
I would not want do ANY of those either but “ANAL BLEACHING?!! Seriously?WTH? That’s just a double dose of insanity right there!
I know!! It is a real procedure that I just learned about … it was shocking that people do this!
Anal bleaching?? That is disturbing. You are hilarious! I was a cashier for a little while in college and I loved it, but then again, I’m an accountant. I am one of those annoying people that give extra change so that I don’t get back any pennies.
I am squeamish about blood also. My son cut his toe pretty badly this summer and his foot was covered in blood. My husband was out of town and I totally panicked. I’m surprised that I finally got it together to take him to get it stitched. Any job dealing with blood is automatically off my list as well!
Oh no … you were one of the people who messed up my career as a cashier!!!
And blood + my child = ARGHGGGHHH
Hilarious! Thanks for making me laugh this morning; I needed that.
you’re welcome! : )
You’d literally have to kill me before I’d work in a slaughterhouse. I’d go crazy and kill all of my co-workers. Worst job ever.
So … you’d kill humans but not animals. That is what I’m hearing! ; )
So then what do you want to be when you grow up?
Oscar-winning actress or novelist, of course! (Or owner of a book store.)
PS I hope you don’t mind me linking to this for a post I’m doing early next week.
What blogger minds a link?! Link away…
A great post but I’m not sure that that shade of blue suits you. Anal bleaching? Really? I wouldn’t want to be a chiropodist, all those feet – yuk. I would however quite like to be a beautician BUT only if I only got to wax all those hairy chests – a legal way to inflict pain, what could be better? Now I’m starting to scare myself.
And you are starting to scare me too!! : )
All those jobs are a no go for me. I’d add dentist to the list. I can’t imagine staring down peoples gullets and listening to that saliva sucker machine all day : (
And the drill … oh … the drill!
I agree with you – those jobs would be at the bottom of my list too.I’d hate to be a dentist – looking in peoples mouths all day and having everyone fear you
Now dentist is going on the list too! That would be horrible looking at messed up teeth all day.
I want the list of jobs you do want!
And the slaughter house thing – I cannot even drive past one. And the cow we purchase every year for our meat – we say it is “grown” on a farm and picked when ripe. That’s the only way I can think of it or I cannot eat it.
Surgeon – not for me. And after days of school like today, I think twice about my future profession but I still think it will be my dream job.
That is so interesting that you purchase a cow every year for your meat. But I’m with you … I can’t think too much about how it actually comes to be meat.
And I hope all your hard work results in your dream job … it is just tough to get there!
Totally with you on the cashier thing. That would freak me out if someone handed me extra change to round off the amount. There is very little activity going on in that section of my brain. Thank goodness my son didn’t inherit that from me.
Really? So you wouldn’t mind being an elephant pooper scooper, huh? But I guess that’s not so different than changing a 3-year-old’s diaper. (That’s how old my son was before he was finally potty trained.) Yep, a stay-at-home mom kind of covers the worst of the worst at times, doesn’t it? LOL
Don’t ever stop doing your writing prompts. I look so forward to them!
Glad I’m not alone in my extra change round-off phobia.
And please add elephant pooper scooper to my list!
Great list! I have two entries similar to one of yours – slaughterhouse maintenance worker and animal fat rendering employee.
Ewwww.
I can’t wait to read your list. I thought this prompt was a hoot to do!
Preschool teacher. I have 2 small children. I can’t imagine dealing with 20 of them at once.
Me either! I definitely should have put that on the list!!
would you believe as a dare when I was a teenager my cousin and I worked for ONE day in a slaughterhouse….in the basement…..that’s the worse part! I won’t go in to detail here; just use your imagination and think all of the worse jobs possible in the slaughterhouse and that’s what we did. Geez, what crazy crazy stuff we will do as kids!!!
I think you’d make a great surgeon (or at least you look like a pro in the scrubs – LOL)
That is some dare. UGH!
I could never be a refuse technician…not for the reason you think… I would be seeing potential in all sorts of stuff and upset that someone doesn’t know there is value in it.
Yea, that and anything in the medical field or a dental hygienist. Ugh.
I would say that my day job ranks right up there, but I guess I have to keep it… for now.
Enjoy the day!
Erin
Your comment about the “refuse technician” (wow … that is a euphemism) cracked me up. I could just see you taking your work home with you every day … literally.
I have to disagree with Lisa. I waitressed for 6 years…6 long years of hell.
Have you ever watched Mike Rowe’s Dirty Jobs? There’s some mighty gross jobs on that show.
I’ve watched Dirty Jobs a few times … I should have just said “Anything Mike Rowe does on Dirty Jobs” and be done with it!
Oh – you are a crack up! There is a lot of truth to that SAHM statement!
Actually, one of my most favorite jobs was a cashier at a local dairy store. I absolutely LOVED it and when we moved to Kansas and I had to quit, I actually cried. Silly huh?
I agree .. the SAHM description is only SLIGHTLY exaggerated. And I guess you are better than math than me!
I’d have to agree with this list wholeheartedly, however, you forgot to mention exterminator. The thought of having to go into a home infested with roaches and take care of that freaks me out.
ewwww…you’re right. Consider it added to the list. That and those people who have to clean up dead animal carcasses by the side of the road!
I agree with you–wouldn’t want any of those first five either!
Thanks for the fun prompt! It was fun to do.
Lucky for me, Jason actually likes to cook. And to be fair, I didn’t hate cooking until I started cooking with him. He has a very scattered, haphazard way of doing things that sends me into a panic attack.
You crack me up!!! thanks
You’re so funny! I could never do any job involving blood, or needles. Anal bleaching – never heard of it before, but cannot imagine doing it, ever!
My most favorite job ever was waitressing, although being a scheduler wasn’t a bad gig either. I could last at the law office – gave me an ulcer worrying about all these insane clients, lol.
Really … waitressing was your favorite job ever????
I know the perfect profession for you and me: Go Go dancers! Are you ready? I’ll set up the cage behind our local Wendy’s
Don’t know why my mind went there…
I give credit to anyone that can handle a scalpel with precision. You should see how I hack up a turkey at Thanksgiving!!
I don’t know why your mind went there!!! If I was a go-go dancer, I’d earn the money from people paying me to stop!
I hate cooking so much that Jason actually does the cooking for us. All those jobs would be bad for me, too.
I wish I could convince Mr. Jenners to do the same!
I couldn’t do any of those either. Actually, I probably couldn’t do anything other than what I’m doing right now (speech therapist). I don’t have any skills!
I used to have skills … but my current job seems to have eroded them.
You look awfully happy in those scrubs – I think you should apply to medical school!
I would need the kinds of scrubs you see in pediatrician’s offices though!