Some Of My (Dubious) Accomplishments
by Jenners • 01/31/2011 • Confessions, Silliness • 104 Comments
This morning, as I managed to clog the downstairs toilet for a record sixth time, it occurred to me that this is an accomplishment of sorts. A dubious accomplishment, yes … but an accomplishment nonetheless. So this started me thinking of what other accomplishments (dubious class) I have achieved lately. Here is what I came up with:
- Managed to put off exercising a record 10 days in a row … despite making the rather simple New Year’s resolution to “exercise first thing and get it over with.” It takes an impressive lack of willpower to find excuses for not exercising a mere 20 minutes a day.
- Managed to cook dinner for five weeknights—yet not one meal could be described as “delicious.” I really do feel sorry for my Little One. Some day he will discover why other people value “Mom’s home cooking” (like when he gets a mother-in-law of his own).
- Was able to rummage in the junk drawer for a good three minutes before realizing that I had no idea what I was rummaging for. It takes some serious inattention and lack of focus to keep up this kind of sustained rummaging without results or a purpose.
- Managed to go to Target a record four times in three days and yet still managed to forget the one item that Mr. Jenners asked me to get while I was there. This kind of forgetfulness is Olympic caliber!
- Was able to sleep uninterrupted for 10 straight hours … and yet still felt the need for a nap about four hours after waking. Not many people can pull off that kind of slothdom!
- Managed to reel off useless piece of trivia after useless piece of trivia while watching Cash Cab, yet routinely call things by the wrong name—as in “put on your pajamas” instead of “put on your shoes,” telling someone to get a drink out of the oven. Seriously, why does my brain hang on to useless facts like what NATO stands for while not allowing me to communicate clearly with my family?
- Managed to not see the leftovers in the fridge all week long.
- Was able to eat three boxes of Girl Scout cookies (Samoas/Carmel De-lites) all by myself over the course of two days. (For the record, that is 45 cookies. 45 cookies in two days all by myself! If that isn’t a dubious accomplishment, I don’t know what is.)
So what about you? Any dubious accomplishments you want to share … or do you not feel the need to humiliate yourself like I do?
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Ha!!! Love your accomplishments. I don’t buy Girl Scout Cookies anymore because I have ZERO willpower. I’ll even eat the ones I don’t like all that much.
I swear, they put something addictive in those cookies that make you eat them with no control.
Instead of moving a box that juts out in the hallway, I keep bumping into it. It’s like I have instant amnesia after saying Ouch! I’m with you on the cookie feast!
Isn’t that nuts how we keep something that HURTS us and don’t do anything about it? You know what helps with that … Girl Scout Cookies!
This is such an awesome post. I just loved reading it.
I think I agree with the gym part.. I suck with keeping up with my resolutions
I read on another blog that one mom made a resolution for her kids to “Just keep growing.” I think I need a resolution like that … something you do without even trying!
Lol, I like that. Maybe mine should be “Just stop growing (FAT)”
Holy comments lady!!!!
You are my hero! The cookie thing…I could beat you at that!!!!
Well, I just ran out of cookies … I could have eaten more! We’ll have to have a showdown one day!
Oh, I’m a regular member of the Dubious Accomplishment club. I’m always putting leftovers in the fridge but when I get hungry, I always end up going out to eat than to eat the leftovers. It’s so wasteful. In fact, I might still have things from last year….which reminds me, it’s time for my every-so-often fridge clean up. Then again, a lot of the leftovers are due to the fact that E doesn’t like most of the stuff I cook for her. She only eats the plain white rice that gets served with her meal.
I have to say though, I’m quite impressed with the girl scouts cookie. That’s a lot of cookies to go through in 2 days. Even I have not achieved such greatness. I have, however, eaten a box of E’s teething cookies because I really wanted cookies that day and the only ones at home were her teething cookies. I can now hang my head in shame.
I think I have “selective” seeing when it comes to leftovers. If you read the other item about how my meals aren’t delicious, it makes sense. Why would I want to have yet another go at a meal that didn’t taste all that good the first time?
And my brothers used to eat DOG BISCUITS in lieu of cookies!!! GROSS!
Thank you for bringing a smile to my face and a chuckle under my breath on this rather crappy day. I think I will turn off the computer and go to bed while I am still laughing.
You are a blessing, Jenners! Thank you
Sorry to hear you had such a crappy day … but I helped to make your day end on better note, I’m truly honored and gratified! May tomorrow be better!
45 cookies in 2 days is an impressive accomplishment. Sounds like my post delivery diet that lasted for 2 months and has shown up again this week
As for the 10 hours of sleep, well, I slept 3 hours last night. Actually, why I am awake right now?!
Why are you awake???? I’m sure you have zero sympathy for my 10 hours of sleep. But keep in mind this does mean that uninterrupted sleep does come back eventually … of course, I have a 6-year-old.
ha! I love those Samoa cookies
Aren’t they good???? It is probably for the best that they only give you 15 in a box.
Oh these are so funny I almost fell off my chair laughing!
And that is a dubious accomplishment in and of itself.
I, too, am AWESOME at avoiding a work out. However, I have to admit, your cookie accomplishment is quite impressive. I’d have to say my most dubious accomplishment is the frequency of which I run into things, trip or spill my drink/soup/salsa/etc. on me/my desk/the floor/a clean white shirt… It’s unreal.
I remember you saying how clumsy you are … it is a dubious accomplishment to be sure. And seriously … Girl Scout Cookies seem like air … you can eat them and eat them and never feel full.
The fact that you can still count how many times you’ve clogged the toilet means you’re still a novice.
Um, let’s see. I broke down the boxes and put away the bags yesterday that I brought the presents down in on Christmas morning. Yes, they’ve been sitting there in the living room for over a month.
I am watching my calories right now so that I can finally lose weight and instead of eating small, sensible meals during the day, I basically skip two meals so that I can have a burger and fries for dinner. It’s not working.
I can’t remember to water my house plants. I have to notice that they’re droopy and yellow before I water them again. They’re hanging right above my head.
I raked leaves into piles on the back patio in like November and they’re still there. It has snowed on them a couple of times and I actually wondered why the snow gathered in a weird pile without remembering that the leaves were there.
I’m sure I have so many more dubious accomplishments that I could dredge up but I think I’m done embarrassing myself for now.
Thank you for making me feel so good about myself!!! ; 0
And I actually have the same problem with plants. I have to notice that they are the verge of dying for me to remember to water them.
Congratulations on your accomplishments!
My mind does the same thing with words, so much so that I when I read Still Alice (the book about early onset Alzheimer’s) it completely freaked me out. As for the whole dieting fiasco, I calculated how much fat I’ve been getting from drinking coffee from the coffee cart last year and it directly correlates to the amount of weight I gained – imagine that!
I felt the same way about Still Alice. I honestly wondered if I was suffering from early onset Alzheimer.
Reading you is such an affirmation that I am not the odd bird of the world. You are.
Totally kidding. We are twins in that regard.
I honestly think that most people read my blog so they feel better about themselves.
You are so talented! I’m proud to know you, woman!
Aren’t I an inspiration? I don’t know why I’m not on the cover of Time or Newsweek.
Yeah, I have a similar list. Mostly includes not having the time or energy to get the house clean. My Christmas tree is still up for heavens sake!!
OK … still having your Christmas tree is up is a very very dubious accomplishment! Hats off to you! ; )
I am so glad to know I am in good company. Not only do I get my kids names mixed up, but my students as well! I save myself by saying, I DO know who you are the wrong name just popped out. That is always good for an eye roll!
Don’t I know about eye rolls! Every time I call something by the wrong name, my 6-year-old takes great pleasure in pointing out my mistakes.
Those cookies…wow…that is really something. Not something good, but something!
Yeah … I know. I have true shame.
My skill is dropping things. Sometimes it is a bowl of salad, sometimes it is my phone, sometimes it is a bag of cat food. The messier the drop, the prouder I am.
It is like your own brand of artwork! (Of course, I suspect you have to clean up your own messes, which does make this very dubious.)
Well done you – Never mind the physical exercise, imagine how much excercising of the old grey matter was done coming up with all those excuses not to exercise – way to go.
PS I give you extra points for the slothdom.
Yes … it does take creativity and considerable mental energy to be able to shirk exercise. I like how you think!
Oh my – this is hilarious! I certainly can’t beat you in terms of slothdom… However, I can put off dentists’ appointments time and time again… and burn the evening meal at least a couple of times a week!
Well, I have a Ph.D. in burning chicken! Perhaps it has something to do with cooking everything on High heat.
You are quite brave to confess your accomplishments. I count several of them as my secret shames…and you won’t get me to fess up about it here! One I will confess to: I’ve watched both Jerseylicious and Jersey Shore…and I’m disgusted by the irresponsible behavior of the Shore cast and secretly facinated by both of shows.
At least you are not alone in your secret shame … it is the only way to explain the success of that Jersey Shore show!
Is is girl scout cookie time? I have got to find me a girl scout. I could eat myself sick on those things. I did the leave the car running in the garage thing and then stand in the kitchen and wonder what the heck that noise is in the garage! I recently called a friend’s new girlfriend by the ex’s name. Oh, not good. Now she is sure I hate her.
Yes … go find the Girl Scout cookies! I think they sell until the end of February! And that is something with the car thing! I could picture myself doing the exact same thing. And I do think you are on thin ice with the new girlfriend!
Until about a week ago I managed not to do my daily situps for two months. Keep in mind that I don’t do them for vanity – like a flatter tummy – I do them to keep from reinjuring my back. Yeah. I re-injured it. GENIUS.
That is a dubious accomplishment indeed … and a painful one!
HAha! Awesome list. I have managed to not put away the basket of laundry that I have to step over a million times a day…for five days in a row now. Whoot! Whoot!
Well, in a way, it is like you are doing step class! That is how I would justify it.
My friend and I pretended to go to Zumba but went out for lattes instead. We sat by the fireplace at the coffee shop so our faces would be all red and hot like we’d exercised.
I am in awe of your attention to detail in this dubious accomplishment!
I am so with you on the useless information – my brain is loaded with it. Ask me a simple question, though, and I’m dumbfounded.
Isn’t it weird how our brains work?
Jenners, you are my soul sister. I managed to go the entire month without exercise. (We have snow outside, so I can’t walk) and I can’t do the inside track at lunch either because…..(it cuts down on my reading time). As for the girl scout cookies, I bought (2) boxes on Sunday and hid them from my husband, but I have not touched them yet…….restraint, huh?
I love your excuse for not walking on the inside track!! And your deviousness regarding Girl Scout cookies is to be admired … and imitated!
Hee hee, this is such a great list. I managed to sit on my couch all day yesterday and watch all of season 2 of Parks and Recreation. That seems dubious to me
Also, I am do with you on the Girl Scout cookies. Those things are addicting.
Yes … that certainly qualifies as a dubious accomplishment! Good job! : )
The sleeping thing, my husband could need a nap after being up just two hours.. but he is borderline narcoleptic
I haven’t exercised at all this year! So I got you beat there… oh wait, maybe that isn’t a contest I want to win
I bow before your non-exercise accomplishment! That is truly a dubious accomplishment!
Bahaha, I totally misread that. Well now I don’t feel so bad. I do think cooking for 5 night, delicious or not, is impressive.
I thought you had misread that. I really couldn’t let you think I was that amazing when I was not. : )
I love me some Somoas…and thought I’d share my new excitement. Kellog’s makes a fiber bar, I guess to compete with Fiber One? Anyways, this one is new…it’s called the Caramel Coconut bar and it tastes EXACTLY like those freakin’ girl scout cookies. ZOMG. I think I’m going to eat one right now.
OMG!!! Thank you for this information … though I’m not sure I should be in possession of it. At least I cannot get Samoas year-round, which is the one saving grace. Now I see a loophole!
I managed to avoid the market even though we are out of everything. The kids will be eating stale crackers here pretty soon.
I managed to do six loads of laundry and not have one clean thing to wear. Apparently I neglected to do my own.
And you are silly for making those resolutions anyway. I never make them, so therefore I never have to worry about not doing them. I am dysfunctional in many other ways, no need to added failed resolutions to the list.
You’re right … my resolutions are silly. Why set myself up to fail over and over again?
And as long as there are restaurants, who needs the market, right?
Jenners, you never cease to amaze me – I think the toilet one is my favorite though. Double or triple flushes?
Hmmm – we’ve hit an inordinate amount of sickness here which is horrible since I seem to call myself a health care professional. I am having doubts about my choice in profession after 2 ear infections, 2 sinus infections, 2 cases of pneumonia, and one case of chicken pox – all in the last 10 weeks. I don’t think I could have pulled this off if I had tried. Scarily enough, I think we might actually all be getting better. But I did not speak that out loud.
Be well and enjoy another nap and some girl scout cookies.
I did double flush and it still clogged!!! Mr. Jenners is losing his patience with me!
And perhaps all the sickness is just so you can get some “real life” practice.
Btw… I should SO be on Cash Cab!! I’d do great!!
Well, well. This is QUITE an impressive list!! I’ll admit that I’ve had some fairly spectacular bouts of “lack of will-power” in the eating arena lately. What can I say? I’m good!
I could probably take that Man vs. Food guy if it concerned Girl Scout cookies!
Your accomplishments sound a lot like mine this week. I have been back and forth to the store like 8 times, and there are still things that I have forgotten. My husband always wants me to make a list, and I am starting to think that he may be right, but of course, I will never tell him. I also ate a ton of girl scout cookies, and every time I go back to the store for those forgotten items, I buy more!
You have priorities in the “right” order … you don’t forget the important stuff like Girl Scout cookies.
Every time I come to your blog I am struck anew by how similar we are. It’s kind of scary.
Somehow, this makes me sad for you. : )
Oh great now you have me craving pb girl scout cookies. You evil, evil woman!
Jason and I went to the grocery store four times this weekend. It was a nightmare.
Four times in one weekend … that takes some doing! (Too bad you didn’t pick up some GS cookies on one of those trips!)
Well, I routinely call my children by the wrong name, especially when they’re standing right in front of me. Or the dog’s name. (Hey, at least they’re all girls, even the dog).
My dad did the same thing … we all had names that were pieces of each other’s names while he spiraled through all of our names until he got to the right one!
Good for you! You are the woman! And, as I’ve said before, a kindred spirit and now I know how true that is! Your morning accomplishment is one of my…ahem! great talents. But I’m not quite as courageous as you as I don’t see myself starting a post with that info any time soon. But things change all the time!
I admit I have gone looking for something, realizing after a little while that I won’t find it because I have no idea what I’m trying to find! This always gives me a good laugh!
I adore Cash Cab! Such a fun show and great questions. I look for the Cash Cab whenever I’m in NYC but have yet to even spot it. I’d love to meet….ack! whatshisname (can’t remember it at the moment! ) lol
I’d be worried if you didn’t eat the Samoas….how could you not? Samoas make the world go round and the flowers grow….!
My best accomplishment so far ihappened one day many years ago. I arrived home from work, parked my car & went upstairs tp my apartment. When my husband arrived home a few hours later, he asked me if everything was okay which I, of course, said it was ,with a quizzical look on my face.
So he wondered aloud why our car was parked out front, locked up tight, keys in the ignition & running! I’d never turned the car off or taken the keys with me! LOL
Great post, Jenners! Thanks so much for the laugh!
~ Amy
We must be twins separated at birth!!! I leave the keys in the door at least once a week … but I have to admit I’ve never managed to leave the car running!!!
And we always look for Cash Cab too … we even have a plan to ask for a really long ride if we manage to get in. I just know that I’d freeze up even though I rock the answers when I’m at home.
Thanks for your awesome comment!
great post….45 cookies is quite and accomplishment. I have managed to fill six clothes baskets with clean laundry but haven’t managed to put any of it away. I have not cooked anything in five days except for lunch for students. I have managed to annoy my postal carrier (this really isn’t much of an accomplishment as she annoys easily) I have figured out a way to get my neighbors to snow blow for me while my husband is over seas. I have figured out how to spend twice as much money on a school fundraiser than if I would have just done the buyout. That my friend takes real skill. Peace out!
I bow before you, oh master of dubious accomplishments. I need to learn from you .. especially that snow blowing thing!
I do the ‘call stuff by the wrong name’ one all the time. My 8 year old picks up on it every time too, “Haha! You said…” Then I say, “Cut it out, I’m your mother.” I also remember doing that to my mother.
My son loves pointing out my mistakes too … and it is beyond annoying. I’m sure I was such a perfect child I never did that to my parents. HAHA!
I rival you at slothdom. When The Mister is home, I sleep well…and then nap.
I’m a trivia person, too…but don’t ask me where I put stuff, I never remember. But I usually remember where anyone else puts stuff.
I am amazed almost daily at my laziness…that’s nothing to be proud of, is it?
Well, it is a dubious accomplishment so be proud!!! (And that is funny that you can remember where others put stuff … but not where you put stuff!)
LOL!!! Those were hilarious! I’m right there with you on the sleeping 10 hours then needing a nap though! And I love to watch Cash Cab, that guy has some really funny faces sometimes.
Isn’t Cash Cab fun? Whenever we are in NYC, we are always on the lookout for taxis that look like his. We have a whole plan that, if we get in it some day, we will ask for a really long ride so we can try to win more money.
I woke up at 1pm and then napped from 4-7. Sleeping is my calling.
Impressive!!!
I go into hybernation mode this time of year, too. I’m usually all about getting outside and hiking, cycling, camping…just been lazy all month…
Well, at least you sometimes do stuff .. I hibernate all year round!
I love your dubious accomplishments. I think that left alone with 3 boxes of Samoas I could absolutely eat them all. Also, I exercised 4 times last week and was proud of myself, 10 days in a row is amazing! Now go kick off your pajamas (shoes) and get yourself a drink out of the oven (fridge) and relax!
Are you sure you didn’t misread my exercise accomplishment? I managed to NOT work out for 10 days in a row! No exercise happened whatsoever.
Are you sure we are not related?!?? I am quite certain that I have done all these same accomplishments this past week (all except for the Girl Scout cookies… but only because we haven’t received ours yet!).
I can putter away an entire morning reading and commenting on blogs while making it look like work (why, yes, it is a lot of work to stay this connected!). Today I had the dubious honor of eating tacos with a room full of 7th graders. Might be stopping up the toilets later today…
Enjoy the day, Jen!
Erin
The art of looking busy at work while really goofing off is, indeed, a dubious accomplishment! I like it!
And as for the tacos … yes, I see a toilet clogging in your future!
Well, I’m impressed I didn’t think there was another person in the world that was like me. I think I’m the only person in the world that is continuously cleaning and my house is a mess. I mean, I start when I wake and quit when I can’t move anymore. Last night while taking my clothes off for bed, I noticed some finger prints on the wall, so there I am half naked, at 2 a.m. I might add, (couldn’t put down my book so kept reading until my husband complained about the lights) so out comes my cloth to wipe these finger prints off the light switch (my guys have been sick so I’ve been disinfecting things.) ended up washing the whole wall. Just and FYI you shouldn’t workout first thing in the morning anyway, you need to warm up, say like, clogging the toilet. Apparently it’s not good for your heart.
First, I will follow your workout advice and not exercise first thing. (See what I got out of that.)
Second, that is quite a visual of you naked cleaning a wall at 2:00 am!
Third, if you clean continuously and your house is still a mess, then I say stop cleaning!!! What is the difference? Same results … more relaxation for you.
I bought an iPad…despite having absolutely no need for one.
Hamburger washed our cars this weekend (while I took a nap), and then it rained an hour later.
We ate out 3 nights in a row!
(Okay, you’re still the master.)
Well, if you want to correct the iPad thing, I’m willing to take it off your hands. (I have no need for one yet desperately crave it.)
And I don’t think eating out 3 nights is a dubious accomplishment … that is my dream!
Oh, I’ve had a similar round of accomplishments lately, although I am not brave enough to confess them to the world (hint: they include eating a box of cake mix…..)
Please tell me the cake mix was mixed with other ingredients and not just dry…