This morning, as I managed to clog the downstairs toilet for a record sixth time, it occurred to me that this is an accomplishment of sorts. A dubious accomplishment, yes … but an accomplishment nonetheless. So this started me thinking of what other accomplishments (dubious class) I have achieved lately. Here is what I came up with:
- Managed to put off exercising a record 10 days in a row … despite making the rather simple New Year’s resolution to “exercise first thing and get it over with.” It takes an impressive lack of willpower to find excuses for not exercising a mere 20 minutes a day.
- Managed to cook dinner for five weeknights—yet not one meal could be described as “delicious.” I really do feel sorry for my Little One. Some day he will discover why other people value “Mom’s home cooking” (like when he gets a mother-in-law of his own).
- Was able to rummage in the junk drawer for a good three minutes before realizing that I had no idea what I was rummaging for. It takes some serious inattention and lack of focus to keep up this kind of sustained rummaging without results or a purpose.
- Managed to go to Target a record four times in three days and yet still managed to forget the one item that Mr. Jenners asked me to get while I was there. This kind of forgetfulness is Olympic caliber!
- Was able to sleep uninterrupted for 10 straight hours … and yet still felt the need for a nap about four hours after waking. Not many people can pull off that kind of slothdom!
- Managed to reel off useless piece of trivia after useless piece of trivia while watching Cash Cab, yet routinely call things by the wrong name—as in “put on your pajamas” instead of “put on your shoes,” telling someone to get a drink out of the oven. Seriously, why does my brain hang on to useless facts like what NATO stands for while not allowing me to communicate clearly with my family?
- Managed to not see the leftovers in the fridge all week long.
- Was able to eat three boxes of Girl Scout cookies (Samoas/Carmel De-lites) all by myself over the course of two days. (For the record, that is 45 cookies. 45 cookies in two days all by myself! If that isn’t a dubious accomplishment, I don’t know what is.)
So what about you? Any dubious accomplishments you want to share … or do you not feel the need to humiliate yourself like I do?