List: Lies I’m Telling Myself
by Jenners • 02/24/2011 • Lists, Silliness • 94 Comments
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- The extra weight I’ve gained since exercising every day is from muscle. (And has nothing to do with “not worrying about what I’m eating since I’m exercising.”
- There is a magic cream that can make up for all the years I’ve neglected to adopt a good skin care regimen.
- I’m getting better at cooking.
- Wearing fleece-lined Crocs make me look relaxed and casual. (And not like a dorky lazy schlub.)
- I am improving my brain power and manual dexterity by playing games on the iPhone. (Did I tell we recently discovered Fruit Ninja and Doodle Jump? I do more slicing on Fruit Ninja than I do in my own kitchen.)
- Today is the day that I will be able to play “zoo” with the Little One for more than 20 minutes without wanting to plunge my eyes out with a fork. In my defense, playing “zoo” consists of the Little One pretending to be various animals and I am a zoo visitor/zookeeper. However, the Little One’s
dictatorial rulesideas about how the game should be played make it less than fascinating as I cannot improvise and must adhere to his stage directions at all times.
- I can stop eating Girl Scout cookies any time I want.
So what about you? Are there any lies you are telling yourself? Spill it!
Um, zoo sounds…fun? Kinda makes me want to poke my eyes out just reading about it
(no offense to the Little One)
Oh there are so many mind-numbing games waiting in your future….
Ooh! I’ll be crossing my fingers that the trip happens!
I once stopped eating Girl Scout cookies for a half day. Proof that I’m not at all addicted.
The half-day test is the definitive one. You’re definitely not addicted!
My list is so long that I would look like I’m trying to take over your page if I began to list them. :0) I share a few of yours, but I don’t have to play zoo, so it’s not that one.
I’m sure when the grandkids are old enough you’ll get sucked into Zoo or some variation.
I have FINALLY started losing weight after exercising *and* counting calories. It’s hell. But (not to sound weird or anything) I actually have an imaginary friend that I tell all of the ridiculous reasons that I have for finally making an effort and, well, it’s you.
I totally feel like you would get most of the strange reasons that I’m doing this now. Maybe one day I will actually tell the real you.
The lie I keep telling myself is that I want to go back to work. I start looking for jobs and then I always find a reason why I can’t apply. I really don’t want to do it, even if I could finally have some spending money.
I’m so happy to be your imaginary friend! (And guess what … you might get to actually meet the real me as I’m attempting to come out to Seattle/Oregon later in May/early June. Nothing finalized yet but I have preliminary approval from Mr. Jenners.)
And I hear you about the job. It is hard to give the unstructured freedom of stay-at-homeness.
Too funny
That zoo one is definitely a strange one. Your child is strange but at least he’s not making you play the part of the animals!
And I totally agree with the first lie. I tell that to myself all the time
I blame it on weight watchers and their “activity points.”
By the way, I’m totally jealous of everyone in the US getting girl scout cookies. I want some too!
You need to start a Girl Scout troop in Japan (when E is a little older I guess). And I did get to play an animal in zoo the other day. It was an improvement!
The most frequent lie I tell myself lately is that the bags under my eyes will magically disappear once I drink enough water!
Oh … I want to buy into that lie! (And it really cannot hurt in any way … even if it doesn’t work.)
i’m laughing from you and your fibs. have you downloaded angry birds???? what are you waiting for? also, download shazam–when you’re in a store or in the car and hear a song you don’t know the name of, shazam it! i do it all the time. for some reason, the songs always seem to be ones by either kansas or america. lol. also, get words with friends (scrabble) and look me up–peppermint natty.
Oh yes … Angry Birds and I have a long and complicated relationship. We’re “on a break” right now.
Thank for the tip on the game. Others have recommended it too!
I like the new look on your blog! I tell myself many of the same lies – glad to see I am not alone! The muscle weight one is a favorite of mine – goes hand in hand with the dry cleaners shrunk my pants when they start feeling a little snug!
I’m sure the muscle thing is true … for people who actually do work out and do weight lifting not walk for 20 minutes a few days a week like me! : )
lol about the zoo game…but one day you’ll look back and wish he still wanted to play. I have a 15 year old who doesnt want to be seen in public with me! lol *sigh* teenagers….
So many people have said this. I guess I’ll just have to grin and bear it.
HAha! Love it!
My lies:
I deserve to eat the easter candy that they have in stores- it’s for such a limited time!!
I will let my kids watch less movies tomorrow when I am feeling better!
(we will see..)
PS Zoo sounds horrific. I hate playing with kids. Eeek! Isn’t that awful? I will organize play, but actually doing it? pass!!
That’s right … it is Peeps season! Woo hoo!
And I’m so relieved I’m not the only mom who hates having to pretend play. At least you have two kids and get away with it a little more, right?
Lie du jour – the 15 +- walk around the driveway more than made up for the M&M’s and Klondike bar I had for lunch. *Smirk* If case you’re wondering, NO, my driveway is not long – I just keep walking up and down. Why? you ask – cuz when i decide to quit, I’m not far from my front door. Ha, and you thought I was just a batty old lady!
For the rest of the year if you’re having a gs cookie yen, Keebler’s grasshopper cookies are almost as good. I know because I have comparison tested them over and over and over just to be sure.
No … your NEIGHBORS think you’re the batty old lady!
And there are other Keebler cookies that looks suspiciously like Samoas/Carmel Delites but I don’t really want to know if they taste like them. The only saving grace of Girl Scout cookies is that they are only available for a limited time, which of course leads to gorging.
Jenners, are we the same person? Many of the lies you are telling yourself are things that I often delude myself into believing as well. Particularly the ones about girl scout cookies and exercise. I also like to tell myself that cooking is better than what I can get at a restaurant, but I don’t think anyone else believes that ( and I am pretty sure that I don’t either).
Perhaps we are clones … after all, we seem to have the same reading proclivities. And I know for a FACT that my cooking isn’t as good as a restaurant. It isn’t even as good as the prepackaged food you can buy at Wal-Mart.
BTW, when I clicked on “My reply” in an attempt to nest my reply with the original comment above, a pop-up box said “ERROR:
Can’t find the ‘commentformid’ div.” I thought I’d let you know just in case you didn’t already.
Dagnabit. Not sure about that. I’ll have to look into it. Thanks for the heads -up.
You’re welcome!
As far as when they grow out of pretend games, I think I got lucky because my boys prefer to play those with each other now. Plus my youngest is always trying to act like his older brother, so he gave up some things (like Thomas the tank engine trains) far earlier than his older brother did.
I guess this is one of the “downsides” of having an only child. You have to be the playmate.
I can so agree with the girl scout cookie one!! I can stop eating them any time (just as soon as I finish these last six boxes!)
Exactly! I can stop eating them … as soon as my stash runs out.
We all have these lies… mine are, “I haven’t exercised in six months… not because I’m lazy and hate it, but because I’m just really, really busy!!” (Busy with what?! I’m single with no children…) Or how about, “The food that I eat while standing in front of the pantry or fridge trying to decide what’s for dinner doesn’t count.” Yeah…okay.
Just like broken cookies contain no calories.
My big lie that I keep telling myself is that I promise to start exercising “tomorrow”.
I’ve been telling myself that lie for years! That and “I’ll start eating better … tomorrow.” Oddly enough, tomorrow never comes.
What a lovely post! For me lately it has been: It’s okay that I am buying books at a rate greater than it is humanly possible to read them. When I see a title that I have been keeping an eye out for and it is reduced I just buy it. There will be no end to this. At least I am talking about fiction, it is far worse I think, for those folk who have invested countless hundreds in beautiful glossly recipe books where they would have to literally live to be 300 years old to cook all the recipes in the books they have bought. See! I justify my folly by casting aspertions at others. It never ends
Notice how I didn’t even list this one though I suffer from it too. I don’t even lie to myself about it. I accept my book addiction and will not fight it. : )
I’m so glad I’m not the only one that has issues with pretend kids games! I used to get so bored playing various pretend games with my boys when they were little, and then felt terribly guilty. I was so happy when they moved on to games that were more my speed (like car races or board games).
The biggest lie I tell myself is that the “skinny” coffee from the coffee cart is a diet food because it has the word “skinny” in it.
So that totally justifies my accompanying the coffee with a side of pie (or doughnut, or whatever I have in the house).
I do feel horribly guilty about not liking these pretend games. And he is 6!!! Shouldn’t he be done with this? Yesterday I bargained with him and got to be an animal at times too. It was only marginally better. Urgh.
And we think totally alike when it comes to food.
And by the way, I want to say THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU for the wonderful little package I got from you yesterday … filled with yummy chocolate and the sweetest card and note. Thank you my friend!
Hilarious! Who knew you were so fashionable in your choice of footwear?
I know! Why don’t we see more Hollywood starlets on the red carpet in fleece-lined Crocs!?
I can eat that sweet stuff without a toothache… yeah right!
Funny how so many of our lies center around justifying sugar or sweets!
I think we are related
I tell myself I am young, thin and beautiful on a regular basis. I don’t know that stranger that peeks out from the mirror, she gives me a start everytime I see her.
Oh I hear you! When I look at myself in the mirror full-on, I think “Not so bad!!!” Then I turn sideways and the horrible bulgy truth is revealed!
hahahahaha!!! I have Fruit Ninja and Doodle Jump!! I think you need to check out Mr. Bill, Quell (maybe, it might not be for you), and SkeeBall. Also, get Doodle Buddy. You and the Little One can play tic-tac-toe on it, draw with it and play hangman. In fact, you can do all that with anyone else who has the app. It’s neat! Little One also might enjoy Cake Doodle and Cookie Doodle. You both might also enjoy Pocket Pond. (can you tell I get into my iPhone?!)
I did check out Quell … fun little game! (Very quiet though … no one else but me liked it.) And you’ve got me hooked on Word Warp. And we did get Doodle Buddy too. But right now the craze is all Fruit Ninja and Doodle Jump (we just discovered the different backgrounds and outfits). And don’t tell but I have the lowest scores of everyone in the family!!!
Oh I love this and I am laughing – not at you…. but with you.
I play the exercise card too… I work out so its ok if I enjoy a snack or two.
It seems so silly to undo all the work you did exercising by immediately wiping away all your results by eating a treat. A vicious vicious cycle.
That my blog is just as wildly entertaining as yours; that reading is going to click any day now for my 1st grader; that eating a candy bar after having a vegetable is offsetting the calories; that I am not tired.
Hey .. you have blogging GOLD in your lunch lady column! And the reading IS going to click in any day now for your 1st grader; it was like a light going on for my Little One. It was weird.
ha ha! i’m giving you grace despite the river
phoenix comment.
do NOT underestimate the devastating power
of those girl scout cookies!
Oh I don’t underestimate the power of Girl Scout cookies. I know they are all-consuming and all-powerful. I surrender to them.
Everyone is powerless against the evil girl scout cookies. EVIL. and delicious.
I recently came across a commercial cookie that looks exactly like Samoas. I pretended I didn’t see it.
I loved this post and think I should do my own….I polished off (1) box of GS cookies alone 2 weeks ago, this week a (1/2 gal od Butter pecan ice cream:( I’m pathetic!
You are not pathetic … you are my soul sister!
I lie to myself all the time. I too should just be checking my emails to see how my mom is doing, and then I should get with doing the laundry. But my foot hurts, really… and those three flights of steps, maybe I’ll feel better tomorrow… And then when the alarm goes off, just few more minutes. I love the cookies, our Girl Scout cookies suck, but I can bake some that will make you want to buy a cow so you can have cookies and milk. Don’t rush your little guy, I wish I could play Mario 15 (which I hated at the time) just one more time. Alas Mario (Daniel) is 25 and prefers the company of another female. I only get called when he needs new window coverings.
You make some good points. And no matter how good a cookie is, I don’t think I would ever crave milk. : )
I eat a lot more when I exercise, too- GORGE may be a good term. But you are also burning a lot more calories, right?…
That is how I justify it. Of course, I only exercise enough to burn 100 calories and consume way more than than to “make up” for all the exercise I’m doing. Perhaps I need to stop exercising to lose weight?
Today’s lie: I can be as funny as Jenners.
Oh you can! You can!
What are you suggesting? Of course fur lined crocs make you look relaxed and casual – not to mention trendy.
You are officially my new fashion advisor!
You have the very same lies I have!
Except for the girl scout cookies, I KNOW I can’t stop… for sure.
So be honest: did you order more than 25 boxes of Girl Scout cookies or were you good?
Lies I tell myself–the elves will come and do the dishes while I sleep. The laundry fairy will come visit this week. The bathroom gnomes will make it spotless in there if I just don’t look. So far none of these have worked out for me. The elves just make more dishes, the laundry fairy got lost and the gnomes took one look at the kids’ bathroom and flatly refused to touch it. Sigh, guess I have to stop lying about the help I’m gonna get.
BUT if you EVER find the fairies, gnomes and elves, capture them and I’ll rent them from you! You could make a fortune!
Hmm – I’m pretty honest with myself…maybe that really is a lie I tell myself.
Those crocs DO sound comfy!
I think you are right … we all lie to ourselves about something. And those Crocs are really comfy … but they really don’t look all the great. (There … I admit it.)
ha ha I thought of the girl scout “incident” too when I read your blog..those things are just soooo good!
I love your list..can can admit to a few of those lies myself
Now I shall be associated with Girl Scout cookie violence. Wonder if I can get a free pack of cookies for that?
I’m not gaining weight…all my clothes are just shrinking in the dryer.
Setting the alarm for 5:45 every morning is very productive – even though I don’t get out of bed till 6:30.
I could go on and on.
Funny, I have the same problem with the dryer and my clothes. I even called Sears to come out and look at the dryer but they found nothing wrong. It is a mystery.
I know you love GSC, so I thought you would find it amusing!
I lie to myself all the time. I tell myself that I’m too busy to clean my house. I think my husband disagrees.
I also tell myself that I NEED to reward myself with chocolate everyday. It’s a basic necessity.
Well, the chocolate one isn’t a lie. We do need to reward ourselves with it EVERY DAY WITHOUT FAIL. It is part of our genetic make-up.
You are not alone in your Girl Scout cookie love. Our neighborhood girl scout delivered ten boxes of cookies to my house on Sunday. By Tuesday morning, they were all gone! Since there are 5 people in my family, that averages out to one box eaten per day per person. I don’t know if I should be glad or sad that they’re all gone that soon.
Thank you for making me feel much better about myself and my family!
Oh girl scout cookies, how I love you and shall not have you in my house lest I gain back all this weight I’ve lost…
They are deadly aren’t they? Good thing they only come around once a year.
I am telling myself right now that the silence coming from the basement is because all my kids feel asleep and not because they are coloring on the walls or taking apart the toaster.
You are right to tell yourself that lie. It is a good lie. A necessary lie. Don’t look in the basement no matter what you do and enjoy the silence.
Did you see in the paper yesterday about the woman arrested for assault after attacking her roommate over the thin mints? I thought of you immediately!
I’m not sure how I feel about the fact that a woman assaulting another woman over Thin Mints immediately calls me to mind.
There are so many little lies I tell myself!
Wow!! A blast from the past! Nice to hear from you again. Can’t wait to catch up and see what has been going on with you!
Zoo, huh? That’s a new one.
I told myself that my body would not react to the bagel I ate this morning because I haven’t had one in a really long time. The pesky wheat allergy did not agree though.
The Girl doesn’t want to play too much. I’m not much fun, apparently. I think she gave up on me when she insisted that I sit on the floor to have a tea party and then complained about not being able to get back up.
Is it wrong that I daydream about the day that Little One doesn’t want me to play games like this with me anymore? Perhaps I need to fake a back injury to get out of it.
Ha ha! I lie to myself all the time. In fact, I know I just lied by swearing I was going to just sit down and read a couple of blogs and then get this house cleaned from top to bottom, when I know darned good and well that ain’t gonna happen!
How could I have left this off MY list? Oh … I know. Because it gives Mr. Jenners more ammunition about why the house is “less than spotless” and I’m a stay-at-home that has nothing else to do all day long than clean.
Too funny! My little one had games like that, too and they drove me crazy!
I feel like such a bad, impatient mom! I promise myself every day that I’ll just go along and play the game (as he begs and begs) but after 15 minutes, I just want to scream!