If We Were President
by Jenners • 03/07/2011 • BB/The Little One, Silliness • 78 Comments
For President’s Day, the Little One’s teacher asked all the kids to make up the laws if they were the president. Most kids did things like outlaw vegetables or make Pokemon a national sport. My Little One went for a little more law and order approach as you can see below.
The New Laws of the United States (per the Little One)
This got me to thinking what sort of laws I would enact if I became president. Here is what I came up with:
- Research scientists would receive government funding to find a way to put all the vitamins and health benefits found in broccoli into chocolate without altering the taste of chocolate in any way.
- All cars would be equipped with a system that would allow other drivers to “tag” drivers that are dangerous or jerky. If a vehicle gets tagged more than 10 times, it would automatically become disabled. (Note: As president, my own car would be exempt from tagging.)
- The development of self-cleaning houses would be a national research priority.
- School would be in session year-round, with quarterly week-long family vacations mandatory. A staggered schedule would be implemented so that whole country isn’t on vacation at the same time.
- Brad Pitt would be the new face on the one dollar bill. (Sorry, George.)
- Each citizen would receive a voucher of $50 to buy books each quarter.
- The standard of sexy in Hollywood would be changed to be slightly tubby, graying and middle-aged. I would be the new face of Hollywood glamour.
- Charlie Sheen would be exported to Antarctica and would never be permitted to return.
How about you? What would you do if you were in charge of the country and had unlimited power?
Oh, this cracks me up too much! I missed coming around and visiting! I really need to get back into the flow of things because there is some serious need for a lot of laughing here
For me, I’d probably need some law for the smokers here because that’s the one thing that drives me nuts. Can’t think of one right now but if there was a way for cigarette manufacturers to create instant bubbles around smokers when they light up… that would be great. This way all the smoke they inhale/exhale is kept in that enclosed bubble, thus freeing the rest of us non-smokers from breathing in their stuff.
Oh I am so with you on that! Glad to provide a little bit of a laugh for you…I know you need it!
Yes, I suppose that is what I’m saying. But it would be very instantly gratifying. Selfish? What?
If I had the power of telekenesis, there would be a lot of fatalities from the crashes I’d cause with my mind because stupid drivers ticked me off. GRRRR.
So you’re saying you’d made things much much worse. OK … I’m glad you don’t have telekenesis.
I am so on board with the new Jenner America! I especially would back that broccoli/chocolate bill! It’s really sad that once I found a love for the green stuff it decided it hated me so I can’t eat it.
Awwwww. That is sad. Chocolate would never turn on you like that!
At this point I’d nominate him for Ambassador of Gas.
I think that the rule ” make shure every body follows the rules” would really take care of a lot of things. Seems pretty straightforward and easy! LEt’s do it!
Yes … let’s do it! The world would just be a nice place I think. It solves so many problems.
the artwork and laws are classic!
and your laws are pretty funny too! i especially like the ‘tagging’ of other drivers. i’ve often wanted to mount a paintball gun on the hood of my car and zap all the clowns out there who are terrible drivers. as for brad on the dollar, sounds good! maybe rob can go on the quarter? 
Oh yes … we need Rob represented somewhere. Perhaps I’ll license those Vanity Fair pix and print them on a new black and white $5 bill (with glossy paper).
You’ve got my vote! This is going to be my first summer break as a mom and I think I may be dreading it already.
Oh it is awful!!! You get used to having them at school for much of the day and then BAM — three months with hours and hours and hours to fill! It is daunting!
I’m nervous for those penguins in Antarctica once Sheen starts partying!! To think how healthy I would be with all that vitamin packed chocolate. LOL. I would campaign for you!!
Isn’t it a wonderful dream — vitamin-packed chocolate? I’m sure it could be done!!!! And those penguins won’t know what hit them when Mr. Charlie arrives.
Your little one came up with some good ones. Of course, I like yours better…especially the one about chocolate. Oh and do we really want Charlie Sheen on Antartica? Maybe outer space would be a better place! Ha!
I think Mr. Sheen came from outer space so perhaps he should return there.
Just so you know……you brighten my day.
Jenner for President!
Will you be my campaign photographer? The challenge will be capturing my good side in flattering light. (This may, in fact, be impossible.)
I love the way your boy thinks! He’s make a great president! And in case he’s never elected, he could be an artist.
As for your ideas, I’d LOVE one that sends Charlie Sheen anywhere but here. And I’d love to see a few others go with him…Lindsay Lohan, Miley Cyrus to name a few.
Oh yes …. Lindsay Lohan (in fact the whole Lohan family) can be departed … along with the whole Cyrus family. And let’s toss in that awful media pundit whose name I always forget — Ann Coulter — that is it!
Oh my gosh — where would I start? Let’s see… all working adults would be granted a one hour siesta after lunch, which would boost afternoon productivity. All places of business would close on nasty days so I could sit home and enjoy the storm from my couch. (We’re under a tornado warning today and the thunder and lightening is making me very sleepy here at my desk.) Afternoon toddies would be a completely legal and acceptable way to overcome stress at work. And, well… that’s all for now, I suppose. Can you tell that I’m feeling a little less than productive today?
I have been trying to institute workplace naps for YEARS but no one ever listened to me so I gave up. That is definitely going on my list of laws to add!
Stay safe in the tornado weather.
I’ll vote for you! Looks like I’d be Hollywood glamorous too
Your son could be Secretary of Cute.
Secretary of Cute … I love it! Though I think your son would give my son a run for the money! : )
i’m not clever enough, but i would totally vote for YOU!
Thank you for your support. ; )
Youre son has some good ideas! And you hit the nail on the head with that brocolli thing
Brad Pitt on the one dollar bill is genius. Truly.
I’ve got a quite a list of other people I’d love to send with Charlie to Antartica. While there however, they all need to wear orange jumpsuits and do some kind of manual labor that benefits society.
Oh I’m sure we could come up with quite a long list of undesirables to go with Charlie. Maybe then can work on patching up the ozone layer.
No one allowed to speak at a public meeting unless they’ve attended at least three. PTO members must be my friends. If you don’t pay your child’s lunch account, I get to come to your work and give you the cheese sandwich and take whatever you are eating and give it to your child.
Oh I like your new laws! I’m sure the lunch accounts would never fall behind.
You’ve got my vote! Jenner’s for President!!!
That would be something wouldn’t it? I could totally imagine myself completely cracking under the pressure.
I really can’t argue with any of your proposed mandates. You have my full support.
Thank you. I will look for your vote come election time.
Jenners I think you SHOULD absolutely be president, and I support all of your new laws, particularly the ones about books and Charlie Sheen. I would also ask that you enact a law that says that husbands have to do 80% of the housework at all times, and that they must rub their wives feet once a day.
I will definitely add your proposed amendment to my platform. I like how you think.
I love the clean up law. And I’m glad that Charlie got fired – that makes me feel a bit better about the whole thing.
It is amazing to me that it took so long for him to be fired. He needs some serious help.
Uh….you’re hired. Higher taxes (if that is what it takes) be damned.
Amazingly, due to my poor math skills, I think I manage to balance the budget while also decreasing taxes.
What a sweet boy you have! Such unselfish rules.
I love all of your ideas–especially the chocolate one. I’m a sucker for chocolate but not so much a fan of what it does to my butt (although that doesn’t stop me from eating it). Nutritious chocolate would be great.
I’m with you on Charlie Sheen. He’s a nutcase and kind of a scary one.
Mr. Sheen is getting really nuts lately. Some of the quotes I read seem like perhaps he should be in a mental institution or something. He needs help.
I love it! Especially the fact that you put healthy chocolate as your #1 priority.
think that your school idea is very good. I think we need some weeks where everyone in the country has the same time off school (so that families on different sides of the coutry could still get together) but I’d love to see staggered holidays for at least half the time – it would be a great benefit to the tourism industry too. A win for everyone
Let it never be said that I didn’t have my priorities right.
You are totally doing something right with a child who produces assignments like this. Have a couple pieces of ultra-vitamin-fortified chocolate as reward.
I’d add mega-research on making chocolate packed with protein and free of fat and extra calories – of course, not altering taste at all.
I’m sure the chocolate thing can be done … we just need those research dollars!
Jenners, I think your Little One has some great ideas that I really like. And your ideas were fun to read.
So far I’m surprised no smokers have complained about his strict no smoking policy.
LOL! Self-cleaning houses FTW! I’d also put money into developing chocolate with all the taste and none of the calories…
We’ll start an international research consortium. You cover the calories in Sweden and I’ll cover the vitamins here in the U.S. and together we’ll have a perfect chocolate!
I like LO’s law’s.Yes, indeed he’d get my vote if I were American.
My list of rules would be too long to type out here,especially this time of night as my eyes are drooping. Good luck on your campaign. Be sure to have LO draw all your election posters.
Oh I love it … hand-drawn campaign posters! And I’ll let the LO know he has your vote.
Oh, out of the mouth of babes!!! Way to go, and the post really got me to thinking. Can I outlaw political parties?????
Sure … do whatever you want! It is your fantasy government/dictatorship!
I don’t know if you’ve ever seen Batman, the newer one with Jim Carey as the Riddler, but there is a scene in there that actually claims that houses of the future cleaned themselves. I’m in Mr(s.) President for that one, I’m so sick of doing this. I like a cleanish house, but I don’t want to do this anymore, when do I get to retire? I’ve neglected my kitchen on Friday and Sat only and I needed a chisel to get the counter clean. (I had a sleepover). And I’ve been a Charlie fan for awhile, but he lost me with this last bit of nonsense. I’ll get him an escort to the Antarctica airport. Love your little guys stuff. Cherish these moments, because this week, I’d gladly trade places with you.
Hmmm…I need to watch that Batman movie and see their ideas and invent them myself. Housework is relentless isn’t it? It is NEVER FINISHED and that is what gets me down.
And I think Charlie managed to alienate almost everyone with these latest shenanigans.
Jens, you always make me laugh..I love it! I was going to try and come up with something brilliant but all I can do is second all of Rebekah’s rules and ask her to run for president:)
I’m ready for Rebeckah to run for President too! Let’s start campaigning!
You have some wonderful suggestions. I agree with many of them (though I might choose a different face for the dollar bill – I’d have to give it some thought).
Your little one is quite clever and I think he did a fine job with this assignment. I had to smile at his photo for “clean up”, though. I thought it was someone doing a backbend.
I asked him about that too — it was quite the acrobatic clean-up position! I guess he is all for flexibility.
And I’m willing to let you pick the face for the $5 bill for a small campaign donation.
have to agree $50 seems a little short of ideal…
and not sure about that cleaning and following the rules stuff the kid is suggesting.
I know! How did I raise such a clean and obedient child (at least in his mind).
And I can now see that the most controversial part of my campaign is the “low” book voucher. I’ll to campaign really hard.
Only 50 bucks a quarter for books?
Trust me …. there will be a thriving black market for unused book vouchers and you’ll be able to get them for a quarter of the price from all the non-readers out there!
I think this is one of the greatest posts I have read in a long time! I love pretty much everything you would do if you were President (woot woot to quarterly $50 for books!)
If only I could make this all come true, huh?
Oooh! Those are good ones. Can we send Gwyneth Paltrow off with Charlie? She can teach him yoga and make macrobiotic shakes for him.
Sure … she is out of here and maybe she’ll detox him.
Mean, greedy people would be deported. Like Bhutan, we’d start measuring Gross National Happiness (GNH) of our citizens, instead of Gross Domestic Product (GDP).
We would lay off being the ‘world’s police’, and instead, be the world’s shining example.
Public education would be equitable in every school district, not just the ones with the high tax base. Every graduate would have to choose work, college, or technical training…and get off their parents’ couches.
To cut down on frivolous lawsuits and ex-spouses who continuously go to court, every adult would receive a booklet of ‘court coupons’ – use ‘em up, and you’re barred from suing anyone for anything.
I’m sure there are more reforms I could institute, but I’m still working on setting up my campaign exploratory committee.
It seems to me that perhaps you have thought about this some! : )
I don’t want to run against you. I’ll be your running mate.
It looks like the Little One also wants back bends to be mandatory.
I’d institute a 32 hour work week, and 2 hours of that day is paid work out time. So I could leave work early and go to yoga or whatever, and still be home at a decent time.
I’d also increase your $50 book voucher.
And I’d like to make Lifetime movies illegal, if for no other reason than I always hate them.
I guess we better limber up in case the Little One gets elected!
And I’ll go along with Lifetime movies being illegal. What the heck! I don’t watch them anyway.
And I’m counting on a thriving black market for unused book vouchers for all the non-readers out there.
Okay, in that one picture where it says “clean up” I wanna know what that one stick figure is doing there at the bottom. Hmmm?
I see that you and I would have similar rules. I would add that cell phone conversations be illegal in public restrooms, and that weekends expanded to 4 days.
I asked him the very same thing. Apparently, he is “bending down” to pick up some stuff. He must be a yogi master.
And I’m all for four-day weekends.
The 24-hour workweek would become standard.
Compassion would replace capitalism as a core American value.
The draft would be reinstated, without regard to age, employment, finances, education, race, or gender. And THEN the expediency of war could be debated.
Congress couldn’t convene unless a benchmark of representation was hit. < 50% white men, 13% black, 16% Latino/Hispanic, 10% gay…
OK … I am loving your laws. You’ve got my vote!!!