Review: Love Is A Mix Tape by Rob Sheffield
by Jenners • 03/14/2011 • 3 Stars, L Titles, Memoir, Non-Fiction, S Authors • 64 Comments
Love Is A Mix Tape by Rob SheffieldPublisher: Crown Publishing, 2007
Pages: 224
Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir
Where I Got It: Paperback Swap
My Rating: 3 stars
You might expect a memoir about a young husband losing his young wife unexpectedly would require a few tissues. Perhaps even an entire box. Yet I remained oddly dry-eyed through this book. After all, Rob and his wife Renée seem to be passionately in love and destined to be together forever. Their shared love of music and his devotion and love for her is evident and obvious. This memoir—Rob’s tribute to Renée and his account of their marriage, her sudden death at age 31, and his subsequent struggle as a widower—should be incredibly moving and a tearjerker … and yet it isn’t.
I think much of the problem has to do with the theme of the book that Sheffield chose: love is a mix tape. Each chapter starts with a play list from a mix tape taken from some part of his relationship with Renée or his coping with her loss. It makes sense that this is the “angle” on which the author has approached the book. Both Rob and Renée are passionate about music. (Rob is a contributing editor at Rolling Stone and has been working as a rock critic and pop culture journalist for 15 years. Renée also wrote for music magazines. It is obvious that music was one of the foundations of their lives.) Yet if you don’t share the knowledge of the songs and bands he is writing about, much of the book’s nuances and emotion are lost. For example, Rob writes several times about the band Pavement—a group with which I have no familiarity—and the band’s importance to him and Renée. Yet all these sections left me cold as I don’t have ANY relationship with Pavement with which to supplement my reading experience. About halfway through the book, it occurred to me that this book would be much more effective if it came packaged with the mix tapes to listen to when reading.
In addition to losing a reader’s interest and emotional investment by repeated references to song and artists that the reader may be unfamiliar with, I think the “love is a mix tape” theme kept the author from really exploring the emotions he was experiencing. Rather than paint a picture with words that communicates the depth of loss he was feeling, he mentions songs that he played. This tends to break down when the reader either doesn’t know the song or has different associations with it. When he mentions listening to Missy Elliott’s “The Rain (Supa Dupa Fly)” when brooding late at night, I immediately flashed to the first time I heard it when driving in my car on a sunny day while doing to the mall and that freaky video of Missy wearing that big garbage bag-like outfit. By bringing my own mental associations to the song (which is very hard not to do), I was immediately taken out of Rob’s story and into my own.
The one real emotional moment I had while reading the book came when I read this passage:
The coroner later told me that she died instantly, that pulmonary embolisms kill in less than a minute, that even if it had happened in a hospital, the doctors would have been powerless to save her.
The reason this passage resonated so much with me was that a pulmonary embolism is what caused my mom’s death in December. Reading that line—which echoed exactly what the doctors told my brothers and I—was comforting in an odd way. It told me that both Renée and my mom died quickly and probably without any pain. They most likely never knew what happened.
Finally, a word about mix tapes. If you are of a certain age, you probably had some experience making mix tapes. I know I spent many laborious hours constructing mix tapes using a variety of methods: recording records, attempting to catch songs when they played on the radio, and doing tape to tape transfers. Creating a mix tape really is an act of love as it requires a considerable amount of time and energy on the part of the creator. (It isn’t like today’s “click a few buttons and you have an iPod play list” method. It required some serious dedication and patience.) Back in college, I made a mix tape that was so good, several people asked me to duplicate it for them. I used to have mix tapes for almost every occasion, with titles such as “Mellow Mix,” “Happy Day Songs,” “Break-Up Help,” and “Cleaning.”
Of course, mix tapes were often a way of communicating with someone you liked without being overt about it. I remember agonizing over a mix tape I was making for a boy that I wanted to simultaneously impress and “seduce.” (It didn’t work… except he said I had “good taste” in music.) And I remember being on the receiving end of mix tapes and listening to each track to find out how the boy who gave it to me really felt about me. (All too often, I came to the conclusion that the boy was just sharing some good jams and wasn’t really all that into me. On the plus side, I discovered quite a few of my favorite artists via mix tapes. I’m quite sure I would have never become a fan of Tom Waits or Prefab Sprout if I’d not been exposed to their music on a mix tape.)
As I’ve written these last two paragraphs, I realize that the power of mix tapes lies in listening to the music and the relationship between the giver and the recipient. I’m sure that the mix tapes that defined Rob and Renée’s relationship were excellent, but they lost their power when relegated to the page. And that ends up being the fatal flaw of this book.
My Final Recommendation
Unless you are a die-hard music buff who would seriously get off on seeing the various mix tape play lists that begin each chapter, I’m not sure I would recommend this book. Although there is nothing really wrong with it, I just didn’t connect emotionally with it and I think that this type of story should evoke some sort of emotional reaction. A memoir of a man losing his beloved wife at a young age is tragic. I needed to feel that tragedy when reading and, sadly, I didn’t.
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Well, I’m not a huge music person, but I already have a copy of this book, so I’m looking forward to trying it. Maybe I’ll duplicate the playlists on Grooveshark and listen as I read! Love the reminiscences about making mix tapes
The try-to-catch-the-song-on-the-radio was my preferred method of collecting music, and then, of course, doing tape-to-tape transfers to get everything in the proper order 
I’ll be curious to see what you think of this…and if listening to the music helps make the book come alive more. You must have been a patient mix tape maker.
I love the mix tape and am a little sad it is no more. My boyfriend was in LA during my last year of college and I know I listened to the mix tape he sent me over and over and over…I think I still have it in a box somewhere because I couldn’t bear to throw it away.
I’ve kept a few mix tapes myself. Funny how sentimental you can feel about them, isn’t it? It is like a piece of your own history.
Aww, I enjoyed this one much more than you did, but I think it’s because I listened to it in audio. I think I might have found it dry if I had read it in print.
Thanks for the honest review!
I could definitely see this working better in audio than in print. I think it would have been neat if they had used some of the songs in the audio version.
the mix tape…another cultural reference that soon no one will understand.
I know! My son has never seen a cassette tape in his life. And he believes all TV shows can be paused, rewound and fast-forwarded (thanks to our DVR). It kind of freaks me out that stuff that was big technology when I was growing up is already obsolete!
Lol. I was afraid my comments would be taken out of context and the writer also told me he’d have to use my full name. I wasn’t keen on that either because my students would be able to find my blog AND me.
Told you I’m a weirdo. Now you have concrete evidence.
Now that you’ve explained yourself, it makes more sense! I’ll let you off the hook.
i’m sorry this one didn’t work for you–it seems like it has potential because i love memoirs–but i’ll wait on it. as for mix tapes, hello! i love them! i wrote a whole post about them a few years back on my other blog and was contacted by a NY Times writer who wanted to quote me in an article. (i politely declined.) like you, i labored tirelessly creating THE ultimate mix tape for boys in my life. i received a few in my day, too. i still have the one my then-boyfriend, now-husband made for me in 1992 when i went off with my family to italy for a few weeks in the summer.
awesome post and great review, love the topic!
I am just in shock that you didn’t allow yourself to be quoted by a NY Times writer!!!! WTF??? : )
And I am just loving hearing about all the strong and fond memories people have about mix tapes. It is making me nostalgic. And I love that you have the one your husband made for you back before he was your husband. Sigh.
thanks for saving me the time of reading that
book. bet that’s where you got all those songs
on the brain though.
I think it did influence my previous post now that you mention it!
See, the lack of emotion bugs me about this but then it might make a bigger impact with me because I love music in any way shape or form. From Motzart to the Ramones, to Dave Matthews to Coltrain and just about weverything inbetween and outside of that. Might be a bigger…er…hit BUT I might still find it lacking…hmmm…
The only way to know is to read it… HAHA! You should scan the playlists in the book to see how familiar you are with the music. That would give you a feel for if the book was going to resonate with you.
There were times when I would switch channels and/or stop the tape if a song I hated came on. Still, you are right – I was the laziest of the lazies when it came to making my tapes.
I remember mix tapes too, although I didn’t have the patience to make that many (most of mine were of the sort where I’d pop in a tape and record an hour of radio tunes – the lazy man’s mix tape). I finally threw out all of my old tapes last year. I realized that I hadn’t listened to any of them in about a decade, so it was time.
Oh that is a lazy mix tape! I don’t even know if it qualifies as a mix tape!!!! I have a few of mine that I keep for sentimental reasons. I don’t think I have a tape player any more.
I too love mixed tapes. How can one not? And yeah, so many people have moved to the ipod and mp3 mixes with just a click of a button, but it’s really cool when your daughter gives you a “mixed cd”!!!! Almost brings back high school memories =]
I’m sorry this book did not resonate with you, but I can understand why – I agree, it should have been packaged WITH a mixed taped!
It would have been a neat (but expensive) marketing idea. And how neat to get a mix CD from your daughter.
My sister and her ex-husband LOVED Pavement, but I have never listened to any of their music. And how strange — my sister’s ex died very young, in an ambulance on the way to the hospital, from an aneurysm.
I have a couple of mix tapes people made for me that I would never get rid of, since there is no replacing them!
Well at least someone heard of Pavement. And how sad about your sister’s ex. it is always sad when a person dies young. And I kept some of the mixed tapes I have too…though I am not sure I have a thing to play them on.
The premise of this book is great but my taste in music is very different from the author’s … Pavement? no idea who they are and all I remember about The Rain is that garbage bag outfit (love that you mentioned it!) so I think I’d probably tire of this book quickly, unfortunately. I think your idea of including the mixed tape with the book is a fantastic one & would increase readership!
But I really enjoyed your review. It was honest and it brought back wonderful memories of my high school and college days when mixed tapes marked every important occasion and relationship! I just think of all of the hours I spent making mixed tapes myself, with friends, then listening to ones I was given. I still have some of them, too.
It’s too bad this memoir doesn’t really work. Like Kathleen said in her comment, it’s really too personal. But it’s a great tribute to the author’s wife.
It is amazing me how much people have to say about mix tapes in their comments. It seems to be a lost and mourned art. And I love that you remembered Missy Elliot’s outfit too!!!
I have heard a lot about this book, but since I am not that familiar with the music scene during that time, I fear that I would have the same reaction to this book that you did. Music can be powerful and life changing, but if you can’t share the actual song with someone, it might be hard for the reader to get the message about what it meant to your relationship, you know? I think I will probably skip this one, though could you imagine reading it while looking up and listening to every song mentioned? It would probably take a lot of time, but might be interesting.
I think your approach of listening to the songs mentioned in the book would make it come alive more…but it would be time consuming!!!
It sounds strange to say but this memoir is too personal and therefore doesn’t work. I would have a hard time with the whole mix tape thing too, especially if I didn’t know the music (as you mention). It almost feels like it might have been a gimick or maybe the only way the author could get his feelings out.
Well I think he lives and breathes music so it was natural for him to have this angle. And the fact that he works for Rolling Stone probably was a factor too.
I know exactly what you mean as I have recently read a few memoirs/books with what should have been emotional content and yet have failed to be moved by them. My latest read Street Kid by Judy Westwater was one such book, I think it was the very matter-of-fact way that she wrote that failed to move me. Anyway, thanks for an interesting and honest review.
I always feel kind of bad when a sad memoir doesn’t move me like it should. It just means that just because you have a “good” story doesn’t mean you are going to be a “good” writer.
Thanks for the review… not a book I’ll be putting on my reading list though.
I don’t blame you. There are better books out there.
Too bad about a great memoir possibility. Isn’t it interesting how he coped and is coping with his wife’s death and sharing what works for him, yet it also alienates others?!?! Truly seems to solidify the point that we all grieve and process so differently. Good for him to work his way through things in his own way. Good for you for an honest review – that’s what I think I appreciate most about your blog!!
As for mixed tapes – I remember that it was sure a sign that someone really cared for you when they presented you with one!! I got one from my boyfriend for Christmas one year. He worked at a local radio station so had made it all during the slow hours in the middle of the night!! I was more than impressed. He was ‘high tech’ alright!
As usual, thanks for the great review!
Thanks for feedback. And I do think that a mix tape can be just as romantic as a love letter.
The idea for this book reminds me of the movie Elizabethtown…Orlando Bloom drives across the country after his father’s funeral with mix tapes made by a flight attendant he meets…she narrates them as well though and makes him drive to certain places to get the entire experience. Anybody seen it?
I’ve not seen it but it sounds intriguing!
I like music, but don’t consider myself a “buff,” so this may not be for me.
This is definitely more for hard core music buffs from the 1980s and 1990s.
I do remember mix tapes and am so happy to have the new way of doing things.
Maybe part of the problem is the story was from a guy? Trying to look tough and together maybe he hid much of his raw emotions?
I thought of that too. He is pretty open about his devastation though. I think the problem might also be that he is a journalist and not a “writer” if you know what I mean.
Honestly he lost me at the title, and finding out it was a theme of the book saw any chance of getting me re-interested gone. Mix tapes/cds are definitely a meaningful cultural touchstone that we’re all familiar with, but as a theme it’s been explored to death. I can see where it’s wholly relevant to his story, but that doesn’t make it interesting again. Pass.
Well that was a very definitive comment!!! I like that. And I think nick hornby explored this theme in a book if I remember right and did it better.
Great job on the “with which”!!! And great insight about the distancing function performed by the music!
I agonized over the whole “with which” phraseology! I can’t believe you mentioned it! And when I started the review I wasn’t sure why I didn’t really like the book but then it became obvious to me as I wrote. I love that about writing book reviews!
I think that you’re right about the author taking the wrong angle for this novel. I wonder if he could have done a more creative spin with sharing specific lyrics from artists that meant something to him and his wife. He would have shared more of his grief and love and healing possibly through that approach.
He does share lyrics at parts but it is limited. And reading lyrics often doesn’t translate to the emotion they have when sung I think. It is all in the interpretation of the singer I think.
Thank you for your honest review. I’m sorry it was not a more enjoyable read for you.
Well, not every book will be a winner. But lately I’ve had more winners than losers I think.
Its too bad the music references take away from the story isntead of adding to it. Its nice that the one quote stuck out for you and was somewhat comforting. I just finished posting about book passages and how they can have special meaning for each reader.
I remember making mix tapes too….what a pain that was trying to catch songs on the radio without getting the commercials in there..lol.
I remember that post you wrote…and now I am a perfect illustration of it. And getting a particular song from the radio to a mix tape required lots of patience and a mad dash to press record! Good times.
I’m not in on the hip music scene so I would be totally clueless. I think you’re right. Music is so personal that it’s a tough sell to try to evoke the same emotion that you feel in listening to a song, in someone else.
Sorry it didn’t work for you as much as you had hoped. I’m glad that you did find peace in that one sentence that spoke to you.
Music is so personal. Everyone brings something different to a song. And I did find reassurance from that one passage.
You’re right – when I was reading about your mad mix tape skills, and you mentioned bands you liked – you lost me.
If you really wanted us to be nuts about this book, you’d have created a blog playlist of all the songs listed…:)
Well I guess I don’t really want you to be nuts about this book because I wasn’t going to take the time to do that! I’m glad I proved my own point with my post.
Well, having a hearing loss pretty much left me out of the loop with music though I can hear well enough to hear the music, just not the lyrics. Unfortunately, I do relate to the experience of being widowed at a young age. (I was 32).
Based on your review though, I doubt I would want to read this book, for the very reason you mentioned, the unfamiliarity of the music.
The music aspect really did kind of alienate me. I imagine you could relate to some of what he writes about though.
This sounds interesting in an odd way. Not one I think I want to read, but I like the mix tape idea. I’ve certainly made (and received) my share! Actually, kids still do that. My daughter in graduate school was just playing one for me the other day that one of her fellow GAs had made her.
Nice to hear that the art of the mix tape is not dead. I wasn’t even sure they sold tapes anymore!
I’m normally a huge memoir fan, but you’re right about the music. I just don’t find the references to songs to be enjoyable. Now if he referenced reality tv shows, I’d be ALL over it!
Me too! I know way more about reality shows than I really want people to know.
This reminds me of the song Mix Tape from Avenue Q: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kh9hKGRR3TY
Making mix tapes is a lost art, isn’t it?
I just loved the Mix Tape clip! So perfect! And sadly I think the art of the mix tape is gone forever. Sniff.