Writer’s Workshop: Old Journal + Poetry = Mucho Laughs
by Jenners • 03/24/2011 • Confessions, My Take On..., Silliness, Writers Workshop • 70 Comments
Link up at Mama Kat’s!
This week, the alignment of the planets made it possible for me to combine two prompts into one post as it turns out that my old journal just happens to contain ridiculously bad poetry, including a poem about hope! What are the odds? So let’s have a good laugh at my expense, shall we? (Note: I can never resist commenting on my younger self’s over-earnest and silly writing so that commentary will be in red italics.)
The Prompts
2.) April is national poetry month…Write a poem about hope.
5.) Share an old journal entry.
Note: All of these journal entries and poems were taken from “Volume 1″ (yes … I had volumes of this stuff!) of my journal dated 4/90-11/90, which would have made me about 20 years old.
Journal Entry: It is a shame that a young, cute, funny, fun-loving, enthusiastic person like myself spends so much time alone. (Could the problem be that perhaps you are a little conceited about yourself?)
Journal Entry: Ancient cultures seem so wise and well-spoken. I think this is because only the words of the wise survive throughout the centuries. The mediocre and the common are lost. (Much like these mediocre and common scribblings shall be lost to future generations. Thank God!)
Let’s switch to horrifically bad poetry now, shall we?
Recipe
The box saysthe recipe yields twenty-four
I got seven
I tried again
and got eleven
Once more I gave it a go
And got four-hundred and sixty mo’
Something’s wrong here I thought
The first one happened because I ate too much dough
And the second I increased by fo’
Could the third have happened ‘cos I used a bucket instead of a cup?
(Obviously heavily influenced by Spike Lee circa “Mo’ Better Blues,” my 20-year-old self apparently has the same problem I do today: eating too much cookie dough and cutting all recipe yields by a factor of 5.)
Untitled
A perfect phrasefalls like a diamond
out of the brown earth of language
Perfect proportions
sharp edges
hardest stone.
It endures.
(Yes … the perfect phrase endures. These poems, however, shall not.)
The Poet
The poet said the storycame from elsewhere
Beyond his own mind
To settle like a flock of birds
On the paper
Twittering, shifting, singing
Until they sit in one line
And become a picture postcard
Frozen forever by the lens of the camera
(It is obvious to me that I was prescient and predicted the invention of Twitter in this poem.)
The Elephants
The elephants return tonightfrom burnished parties and high-toned tubs
To sit in the jungle amongst
the palm trees and
matted undergrowth
(crawling with snakes and millipedes)
And remember
The glittering stones
The ivory hair pins
The drapes of mink
(Plundered from the earth
and the animals
Their very own selves)
That adorn the flesh of rich women
so that they may glitter
with false gaiety
The elephants remember
Tuskless, they turn to dust.
(Oh dear! Where to start with this monstrosity! “Burnished parties and high-toned tubs? WTF!? And I’m obviously starting my PETA phase here, which involved a rather short-lived attempt at being a vegetarian. This went south due to my dislike of most vegetables and beans.)
Jealousy Rears Its Ugly Head
You tell me your sad newsAbout your break-up with a boy
And on the outside
I’m sympathetic and concerned
Inside
I’m smiling
Glad that things didn’t work out
Now you can be just like me
Living in a world of one.
(Jeez! Now the first journal entry makes sense! I was alone because I was a Class A bitch! Nasty much?)
Fight Among The Fruit
One dayA curious thing happened
in the fruit stand of my grocery store The fruit
which had lived side by side
peacefully
began to notice their differences And suddenly
Golden Delicious wouldn’t associate with Red Delicious
And white grapes refused to share a basket with the red
And carrots and oranges formed a new alliance–
even though carrots were a vegetable
And the bananas hooked up with the corn And this fight went on and on with new barriers building every day
But then…
a Golden Delicious and a Red Delicious fell to the floor…
and smashed open
their insides spread out
for everyone to see And all the fruit noticed
that they had the same insides
It was only their skin that was different.
(This was the poem I promised about hope. Hope for racial equality cleverly disguised in an extended fruit metaphor! Why am I not a published poet today I wonder? This poem alone might cause poets everywhere to reconsider National Poetry Month if clowns like myself can participate like this. And it occurs to me that if you changed “fruit” to “people,” this would be one sick and disgusting poem.)
As usual, most enjoyable. Thank you for the laugh. I wasn’t brave enough (or fever free enough) to post old journals or poetry. My hat is off to you!
But raging with a fever is the BEST time to post your old poetry … then you have an excuse for why you did it! ; )
Oh Lord…your poetry makes me endlessly happy. I too wrote about equality among people as a young thing. We’re poets Jenners. Beautiful and wise and extremely humble.
Yes … we are humble, beautiful wise poet geniuses. Sigh. The burden of being us.
As usual, very funny and amusing. I kinda wonder if there was any ganga around when you wrote some of that poetry.
I’m wondering that too! The sad thing is that I wasn’t that type of person. This is all stone cold sober.
I love that Recipe was inspired by Spike Lee circa Mo’ Better Blues
I do like the jealousy poem too.
It was such a trip to revisit all this stuff.
I like the jealousy poem too (maybe with a new title): raw and honest.
Very honest. Like the type of honest you don’t share with others.
I see your talent for writing/entertaining began at an early age. I loved recipe and your poem on the fruit was very insightful.
The thing is, I haven’t progressed all that much since then.
You are a brave, brave woman…oh, and really, really funny! I did not keep any of my writings – but I do remember a very dramatic one about finally finding love….only to look up in the distance and see a mushroom cloud looming overhead. I am pretty sure I just watched the movie “The Day After” for school….or something. I wonder now what my “older” teachers thought of all the drama and angst! Sigh!
Oh how funny! But if there is a metaphor for young love, a mushroom cloud would be it!
How wonderful to be able to take such a trip down memory lane, I think that only a few of my attempts at poetry survived.
Anyway, just wanted to let you know there is an article on my blog today which you might find interesting. Have a great week-end.
http://pettywitter.blogspot.com/2011/03/information-overload-ode-to-patti-and.html
It was fun rereading my old journals — it took me back in time. I remember what an earnest, silly little girl I was. And I’m quite curious about the post you mentioned. Be right over!
Thanks for making me smile… although I do like that poem Untitled about the perfect phrase…
Why thank you. Of all of them, that was probably the one I felt was the least worst.
Well, at least you are willing to post the old stuff. I threw out all my old journals. I never wanted my kids to know the way I used to be. Now, eleven kids later, I really wish that they knew that I was just like them. Love it today. It has been fun!
Wait … what??? You have 11 kids! Wow! Kudos to you for even being able to string together a coherent thought, let alone blog! : )
You know I think we all have had times where we could have written the jealousy one.
I never really got into poetry that much-probably because I thought in order to a good pem it had to rhyme
I think more people can relate to the jealousy one than any of the others. I remember having similar feelings when my girlfriend told me she was pregnant and I wasn’t after trying for more than a year. I was happy for her but inside I was just miserable. I remember congratulating her, hanging up the phone and bursting into tears.
Personally I didn’t think some of these poems were so bad, but then I could not even attempt to write poetry, so consider the source, I guess.
Well thank you. I can never judge my own writing. I think everything I write is awful. My inner critic is very very harsh.
I actually thought your fruit poem was pretty darn good, especially coming from a young mind. Your commentary on these was hilarious!
I think the fruit poem would have been good if I was in elementary school — but I was a college graduate at that point!
I can always count on you for a good laugh, and no I’m not laughing at you (at least not most of the time).
You have such a great sense of humor and fun to put these out there for the whole world to see. I don’t think that they’re that bad, but accompanied by your commentary they are priceless!
I don’t mind if you laugh at me–I am!!!
If all poetry read like yours, I’d be more into it I think. You were brave to put yourself out there like this but I think you need to give yourself more credit! These were very entertaining!
Entertaining? Yes. Deep and profound and moving? No.
Love it. I’m pretty sure our teenage selves would have been BFFs!
Of course I would be too much of a bitch to sympathize with any break ups you might experience!
Very brave! I’ve got a few of these old journals too, but there is no way I’d share! I happen to think the jealousy one is great
Quite a few people have related to the jealousy one. I think I tapped into a nerve there.
Well, well aren’t you special. I personally love your poems. I don’t know about being a Class A, things were just different, you’ve grown up that’s all. Happy Poetry month. I don’t think I kept any of mine, and I’m sure I don’t have the cranial capacity to do it again.
And back when I wrote all this stuff, I thought I was so grown up. Ha!
For a 20 year old, I don’t think they’re *that* bad.
I’m too embarrassed to post my old melodramatic poems. (I was a sad-sack back in the day.) But it is interesting to read over them and reminisce about who I was then.
I do think they are pretty bad. I was such a little drama queen about so much back then.
Very entertaining whether or not it is great poetry. To protect myself, I threw away the journal I kept in college. Maybe I shouldn’t have. Who knew it might provide some entertainment as I got older?
All those old journals are now excellent blog fodder! Who knew?
Well, uhhhh…this was interesting. That very first poem left me speechless!
I have no room to talk, though. I’ve kept journals since I was in the 7th grade and I can assure you I won’t be sharing any snippets from those. ahahahah!
Oh, and I actually did spend eight years as a vegetarian, though I’ve never had any PETA leaning in my life.
To be honest, I held back the really embarrassing stuff…hard to believe huh?
These are priceless and your commentary made my day.
So glad you enjoyed them!
Visiting from Mama Kat’s.
I love this post! Your “comments” had me smiling the entire time!
Glad to help brighten your day a little.
My favorite is the one about the Elephants…you sounded then just like my 18 year old daughter now
so dramatic! I’m going to have to go back through some boxes and find some of my old stuff now…have you showed this to your own child?
Oh the drama of youth! I didn’t think of showing my son these but he might be ready for the fruit one. It is written at a preschool level. Haha! And I hope you find some of your old stuff. It is comic gold.
Oh Jenner, you are so awesome and make me happy.
And you just made me happy…so we are even.
Ok, you had me laughing out loud with the baking poem and the fruit poem. Totally frickin hilarious, and I just shared them with my husband who laughed too. But the others were sorta good, and some of them rather intense. Not at all scorn worthy, though the jealousy poem was rather surprising. What is it about our twenties? I also wrote ridiculously bad and snooty poetry about race equality and things of that nature. Liked to take myself very seriously, I did, and now I cringe when I remember it!
Oh I was oh so serious about EVERYTHING back then. I remember that the “older” ladies at work found me very amusing and it always bothered me. I was always going on about social injustices and the horrors of the world and they would just smirk. I was so self-righteous and ridiculous that I just die inside when I think about it.
And thanks for your kind words about some of my poems. I cannot view them with ANY objectivity. They all seem horrible to me. : )
I am so laughing at that poem about jealousy…. yeah, I’m not telling you my secrets girlfriend! Simply the best… at least now we can look back on ourselves and laugh. Hey, I look at myself NOW and laugh!
If we can’t laugh at ourselves, we’ll break down in tears and cry. At least I will. : )
Am so glad to know I wasn’t the only one that wrote ‘Volume’ on my journals. You are definitely brave to, not only re-visit, but to share too.
Keep in mind that I held back the even more embarrassing stuff … if you can imagine that!!!!!!
I love how you approached these prompts and combined them. I especially loved how you added your commentaries…hilarious!
I appreciate the comment so much. Sorry if the sense of “hope” didn’t come through. I think I was trying to show that she was feeding her hope of finding a friend, easing the lonliness, with food. Maybe I was a little heavy on the hopeLESS part! 
My favorite? “Jealousy Rears It’s Ugly Head”…the poem was so authentic (who didn’t think this at some point?) and your comment was so funny.
Thanks for stopping my blog!
It is sad but the Jealousy poem is probably more relatable than anything else. We’ve all been there and done that.
And your poem was terrific but oh so sad.
I’m still stuck on ‘burnished parties’…I simply must use that one!
I shudder to think of the angst-filled, ‘the world is so unfair’ poems I used to (and still) write.
And April is Poetry month, you should give it a go!
I don’t even understand what I could have meant about “burnished parties.” It makes no sense!
And I’m afraid my poetry skills have not progressed much in the years since these gems were scribbled.
Oh Jenners!
Your asides are the best!! They have me rolling. And the elephant poem? I think it may have scarred me. At least it left a lasting impression, right?
That elephant poem was a doozy, huh? I don’t know what I was thinking with that one!
Seldom does poetry make me laugh…but yours? LMAO. Thank god I didn’t keep journals at age 20 — my revisionist view of the past works really well. My delusions rest safely in darkness, undisturbed by old journals or the terrible, awful truth!
Oh yes … seeing the world through our younger eyes is something best kept hidden away from the world. I just cringe when I read the stuff I was writing and the dramatics I managed to work up.
Wow! You are really talented. Poetry has never been my strong suit. I like the jealousy poem as well.
If by “talented” you mean “able to churn out silly poems,” I agree with you. : )
I loved the jealousy poem! Remind me not to confide in you. LOL.
Yes … this poem seems to indicate that I’m not as nice a person as I might appear to be. : ) Hopefully I’ve changed for the better since then.
Thanks for the laugh this morning! It’s too bad you didn’t do something with that Twitter prediction.
I know!! I’d be a millionaire by now! ; )