Review: Half A Life by Darin Strauss
by Jenners • 04/10/2011 • 4 Stars, H Titles, Memoir, Non-Fiction, S Authors • 36 Comments
Half A Life by Darin StraussPublisher: Random House, 2010
Pages: 191
Genre: Non-Fiction, Memoir
Where I Got It: Amazon Vine
My Rating: 4 stars
Here is the first line of this memoir:
Half my life ago, I killed a girl.
The girl who died is Celine Zilke—a 16-year-old girl who was attending the same Long Island high school as Strauss (who was 18 at the time of the accident). He takes us through what he can remember of the accident, in which Strauss’s car hit Zilke as she was riding her bike and swerved into his lane. He memory of the accident is in bits and pieces—almost as freeze frame images.
This moment has been, for all my life, a kind of shadowy giant. I’m able, tick by tick, to remember each second before it. Radio; friends; thoughts of mini-golf; another thought of maybe just going to the beach; the distance between car and bicycle closing; anything could still happen. But I am powerless to see what comes next; the moment raises a shoulder, lowers its head, and slumps away.
Although the police clear him of wrongdoing, Strauss’s life is forever changed. From his struggles to live up to the promise he made to Celine’s mother (“Whatever you do in your life, you have to do it twice as well now because you are living for two people”) to his need to face judgment in a public forum, Strauss is influenced in a thousand different ways by the accident and his inability to know how to feel about it and cope with its aftermath.
But something in me—the same tiny something that had longed for Melanie Urquhart’s anger—craved, finally, a decision from twelve people. They’d hear witnesses, cops, statistics, the journal entry. It would no longer be just my daily fluctuating opinion. The official world would have to listen, nod, and answer the question of that highway and that day. A government-sanctioned conclusion: you are culpable; you are blameless. This could bring ruin as easily as release. but the one sure thing it would bring was an end.
Written in spare and elegant prose, the book is never exploitative or self-pitying. Instead, Strauss strips things down to the bone and offers brutally honest assessments of what he was thinking, feeling and experiencing as he struggles to come to terms with the accident. As you might imagine, it is a process that never truly comes to an end and offers no clear-cut answers. Like a ghost, Celine accompanies Darin through his twenties and thirties—present at every first, at every important moment in life. She is the conversation he tries to avoid but eventually must always have. Only when he has moved further in time from the accident (half a life away) is he able to start exploring the full impact and meaning of the accident.
It’s not that I outran Celine, or that half of my life. It’s the reverse. The accident taught me this.
Things don’t go away. They become you. There is no end, as T.S. Eliot somewhere says, but addition: the trailing consequence of further days and hours. No freedom from the past, or from the future.
But we keep making our way, as we have to. We’re all pretty much able to deal even with the worst that life can fire at us, if we simply admit that it is very difficult. I think that’s the whole of the answer. We make our way, and effort and time give us cushion and dignity. As as we age, we’re riding higher in the saddle, seeing more terrain.
So it’s an epiphany after all. You have it in your hand the whole time.
I imagine that is was difficult to write this memoir, and I’m thankful that Strauss was able to look deep within and offer up his experiences in this book. By doing so, he creates a haunting story that resonates long after you turn the last page.
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I was just reading about this book the other day. (I’ve discovered that I really enjoy memoirs). I wasn’t in the mood for a sad and troubling book at the time but I was interested in it. After reading your review, I realize I made a mistake not getting it. It sounds like a beautifully written, powerful story. I can’t imagine a person’s life not being remarkably changed by something like this. But I’m glad that the author didn’t become a self-pitying bar fly or something like that. My grandmother used to say, “It’s not what you’ve done that’s so important but how you cope with the results of your actions that says something about you.”
Your grandmother was wise. And I do admire how he didn’t let this derail his entire life. If anything, it made him feel like he had to live a more meaningful life. And he doesn’t become a barfly …. in a way it was kind of uplifting (not that you want to hit someone with a car or anything.)
From your review and the excerpts, this sounds very raw and moving to the reader. Another good one for me to jot down on my list. Thanks again Jenners
It was a powerful read. Kind of makes you think about things.
I really like the way he writes.. definitely sounds like my kind of book!
He is a novelist and it shows in this book.
This one’s for me. I already am nuts about memoirs, but this is a departure from the usual coming of age fare I read. Gotta get it.
Oh yes … not quite your “average run of the mill” memoir. And he is a novelist and it shows in the writing.
Wow. That is an incredible journey. I imagine that it was a challenge to write this but cathartic as well. The fateful consequences of just one moment in our lives. You never know how you will impact another’s life, and this was such a profound impact. But also to his life. Her spirit, her memory is more for him than just a ghost. A constant traveller on his path. And what the mother said is so poignant. He is living for two. I have chills just thinking of this.
Thank you for this great review, Jen!
Enjoy the day!
Erin
I like your phrase “a constant traveler on his path.” That describes it so well. He writes about how she was at his wedding, the birth of his children, and so on. It really was a powerful read.
Wow! What a killer of a first line.
I’m not usually drawn to memoirs, but the more I read of your review, the more I want to read this. I knew of two people who accidently killed someone…one in a traffic accident, the other in a hunting accident. I know it changed both of their lived forever. What a burden to carry!
I imagine that, having friends who had experiences similar to Strauss, this book would be of great interest. (They may find something in it as well, I imagine.)
This book has been on my to read list for a while now. And it will definitely stay there — sounds like a keeper.
It should stay on your list!!
I’ve heard of this book, and it’s one that I’m sure I will probably read at some point along the way.
I think you’ll end up reading it. I think it just won some type of award but I’m not sure.
I have sworn off memoirs…but after reading a couple of reviews, I admit that I am tempted.
This isn’t your “average” memoir. I think you should try it.
Sounds like a difficult book to read, but worth it. Thanks for the review.
It was difficult to read but poetic too. You really felt like you went with him on this journey.
I think I’ve had my quota of memoirs for the time being but will certainly bear this in mind, thanks for the recommendation.
I’ve been reading so many memoirs lately and feel like I need a break from them but this one is definitely going on my list for later.
I know what you mean. I read this back to back with another intense memoir and it was almost too much at once.
Wow. I cannot imagine living with something like that and am more than a little curiuous to read this one. I see it’s short which gives it a greater chance of getting read
It is pretty short but packs a lot in. And it makes you think about and appreciate how your whole life can change in an instant.
sounds like an interesting book.
Thanks for this. I just wrote a similar review and posted it on my blog: whatsnotwrong.wordpress.com
Great … I’ll be sure to check it out. I love reading other people’s reviews.
Sounds good. Great review. Thanks Jenners.
This sounds so impactful. God bless him for even writing it and hopefully exorcising this ghosts.
I think it took a lot of courage to put it all out there like this but I think it helped to free him of so much too. I hope so.
You always hear that writing something like this is cathartic for the author, but it must be amazingly painful as well (is that a requirement for cathartic?).
I do think that to be cathartic, you’ve got to have pain in there too.
Wow, what a great review of what sounds like a sad, but powerful book.
Sad and powerful are a good description.