Link up at Mama Kat’s!
This week, I decided to tackle:
Prompt 1: Your 15 minutes of fame.
Of course, for this post to make any sense, you need to change your definition of “fame” from “the condition of being known or talked about by many people, esp. on account of notable achievements” to “the condition of being known or talked about by many people for a short period of time in a small defined area” and also adjust your definition of “many” to mean “50 or so tops.”
So, here we go—my 15 minutes of fame.
Minute 1: 1969. Causing quite a stir in a Japanese grocery store with my blonde hair and blue eyes, I am kidnapped (if, by kidnapped, you mean “taken from my stroller while my mother’s back was turned”) by local Japanese women so they can ooh and aah over my adorableness. My mom manages to track me down at the front of the store, where I am being photographed and ogled by my adoring fans.
Minute 2: 1972. The beginning of my illustrious dance and acting career begins with my first ballet recital, in which I manage to go left when all others go right. I excel at the Suzy Stick dance, which involves moving in a jerky and unrefined way.
Minute 3: 1974. I gain notoriety in my elementary school as “the girl who pushed the boy off the top of the jungle gym and knocked his teeth out.” (Note: It was not my fault that, back in the “olden” days, they put jungle gyms on concrete. If there had been mulch or rubber like THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN, he would have been just fine.)
Minute 4: 1975. I’m known throughout the school for my unerring ability to vomit upon the slightest provocation, such as another child vomiting or seeing the saw dust that was used to cover up vomit in the school hallways.
Minute 5: 1977. The revival of my dance career is greeted with marked indifference when I debut my version of Carmen at the school talent show.
Minute 6: 1978. I become a published author when an “agony” letter I write to Young Miss magazine is published.
Minute 7: 1979. Riding the Young Miss high, I submit a letter to the local TV Guide asserting my shock at the things I’ve seen on That’s Incredible!
Minute 8: 1979. I cause a stir at a local haunted house when my ear-piercing screams frighten the workers who are supposed to be scaring me. Overheard: “Jesus, I never heard a kid scream that loud before.”
Minute 9: 1980. I become notorious throughout my high school as “the girl who has raw fish in her locker.” The fish was a prop for my speech on “how to prepare sushi.”
Minute 10: 1981. Having relocated to Montana, I make a splash at my new high school with my book report on Janis Joplin, which involved lip-syncing to “Get It While You Can” while swigging (iced tea) out of a Southern Comfort bottle and dressing in my mother’s 1960s clothing.
Minute 11: 1985. Reviving my dance skills once again, my best friend and I perform a dance to Tom Lehrer’s The Vatican Rag at the senior talent show dressed as nuns.
Minute 12: 1982. Willing to do anything to get noticed by the cute boy in the upstairs dorm, I wear a pom-pom on my head and Groucho Marx glasses in an effort to “stand out” from the crowd. I succeed…but not in the way I am hoping.
Minute 13: 1992. Tapping into my inner stand-up, I perform an original comedy routine at a local nightclub. (This debacle was chronicled in this post.) For some reason, I’m not discovered by a talent agent and given my own sitcom.
Minute 14: 1995. My self-published zine, without permission, is reviewed in Factsheet 5 (which I just Googled to see if it existed and it is still out there!). I gain several (unwanted) subscribers, including an inmate jailed for child pornography and an older man in Ohio with a jazz record collection that exceeds 10,000 albums. I’m also interviewed for a Canadian radio program but never hear anything about it.
Minute 15: 2004. I give birth to the most amazing child ever born, known on this blog as The Little One.
Impressive, isn’t it? I bet you had no idea you were reading the blog of someone so well-known and heralded throughout the world.