Writer’s Workshop: My 15 Minutes
by Jenners • 04/06/2011 • Confessions, My Childhood, Writers Workshop • 72 Comments
Link up at Mama Kat’s!
This week, I decided to tackle:
Prompt 1: Your 15 minutes of fame.
Of course, for this post to make any sense, you need to change your definition of “fame” from “the condition of being known or talked about by many people, esp. on account of notable achievements” to “the condition of being known or talked about by many people for a short period of time in a small defined area” and also adjust your definition of “many” to mean “50 or so tops.”
So, here we go—my 15 minutes of fame.
Minute 1: 1969. Causing quite a stir in a Japanese grocery store with my blonde hair and blue eyes, I am kidnapped (if, by kidnapped, you mean “taken from my stroller while my mother’s back was turned”) by local Japanese women so they can ooh and aah over my adorableness. My mom manages to track me down at the front of the store, where I am being photographed and ogled by my adoring fans.
Me at the height of my adorableness. You can see why I might have been kidnapped
Minute 2: 1972. The beginning of my illustrious dance and acting career begins with my first ballet recital, in which I manage to go left when all others go right. I excel at the Suzy Stick dance, which involves moving in a jerky and unrefined way.
Minute 3: 1974. I gain notoriety in my elementary school as “the girl who pushed the boy off the top of the jungle gym and knocked his teeth out.” (Note: It was not my fault that, back in the “olden” days, they put jungle gyms on concrete. If there had been mulch or rubber like THERE SHOULD HAVE BEEN, he would have been just fine.)
Minute 4: 1975. I’m known throughout the school for my unerring ability to vomit upon the slightest provocation, such as another child vomiting or seeing the saw dust that was used to cover up vomit in the school hallways.
Minute 5: 1977. The revival of my dance career is greeted with marked indifference when I debut my version of Carmen at the school talent show.
Me in my full Carmen outfit. Just screams authenticity doesn't it?
Minute 6: 1978. I become a published author when an “agony” letter I write to Young Miss magazine is published.
Minute 7: 1979. Riding the Young Miss high, I submit a letter to the local TV Guide asserting my shock at the things I’ve seen on That’s Incredible!
Minute 8: 1979. I cause a stir at a local haunted house when my ear-piercing screams frighten the workers who are supposed to be scaring me. Overheard: “Jesus, I never heard a kid scream that loud before.”
Minute 9: 1980. I become notorious throughout my high school as “the girl who has raw fish in her locker.” The fish was a prop for my speech on “how to prepare sushi.”
Minute 10: 1981. Having relocated to Montana, I make a splash at my new high school with my book report on Janis Joplin, which involved lip-syncing to “Get It While You Can” while swigging (iced tea) out of a Southern Comfort bottle and dressing in my mother’s 1960s clothing.
Minute 11: 1985. Reviving my dance skills once again, my best friend and I perform a dance to Tom Lehrer’s The Vatican Rag at the senior talent show dressed as nuns.
Minute 12: 1982. Willing to do anything to get noticed by the cute boy in the upstairs dorm, I wear a pom-pom on my head and Groucho Marx glasses in an effort to “stand out” from the crowd. I succeed…but not in the way I am hoping.
Exhibit A in How Not To Impress A Cute Guy
Minute 13: 1992. Tapping into my inner stand-up, I perform an original comedy routine at a local nightclub. (This debacle was chronicled in this post.) For some reason, I’m not discovered by a talent agent and given my own sitcom.
Minute 14: 1995. My self-published zine, without permission, is reviewed in Factsheet 5 (which I just Googled to see if it existed and it is still out there!). I gain several (unwanted) subscribers, including an inmate jailed for child pornography and an older man in Ohio with a jazz record collection that exceeds 10,000 albums. I’m also interviewed for a Canadian radio program but never hear anything about it.
Minute 15: 2004. I give birth to the most amazing child ever born, known on this blog as The Little One.
Impressive, isn’t it? I bet you had no idea you were reading the blog of someone so well-known and heralded throughout the world.
You have the best memory! I block everything embarrassing that has ever happened to me. Thankfully, few photos exist of me in my most awkward times.
But you’re saying there are a few photos … so LETS SEE THEM! : )
Oh Jenners! Your life cracks me up! Your descriptions just radiate awkwardness! Ha ha! I am so glad that I didn’t have to clean up all that throw up!
And you were definitely the cutest Geisha I have ever seen!! So cute!
I think you just came up with my autobiography title–Radiating Awkwardness.
You were too cute for words in your little kimono!!! There will never be another Janis Joplin, that’s for sure.
I came close to bringing Janis back from the dead!! It was a long slide from little kimono girl to Janis — that is for sure!
I love LOVE that you document your 15 minutes one at a time, because thats how most of use have gotten those 15 minutes.
And since so many involve dancing, that makes me hope that you still dance wildly alone around your living room listening to bad 80′s pop songs.
It is ironic that so many featured dancing … yet I’m about as far from a dancer as you can get. I think my mom had dreams for me and then gave up.
You dancing machine! What a cute little blonde too!
I wish I could have held on to that blonde cuteness. It would have served me well later on in life.
Your fifteen minutes are still better than anything I could lay claim to!
Oh I’m sure you have many good minutes to share!
omg! you crack me up! fun post jenners!
Glad you enjoyed it…and enjoy your hiatus!!
I love the visual of 1981! Your teacher must have had a heart attack.
Excellent post.
I think, more than anything, it broke up the monotony for her. She got a kick out of it. Either that or she was a hard-core druggie/Janis fan! : )
I really hope you grew out of Minute #4.
Not really. If I see vomit, I want to vomit myself.
I always knew you were famous
Now if you could just inform the rest of the world…
I stand in awe of your greatness.
I love this. I love your 15 minutes. Especially the sushi. Gah.
That fish stunk up the hallway so bad. It was nasty!!!
You are a superstar!! Minute 10 is my personal fave.
Oh that was a good one! I wish I had a photo of my get-up. It was something else.
Well, I for one am very impressed:p
As you should be. HAHA! : )
I can’t believe he wasn’t falling head over heels in love with you with that outfit
You were beyond adorable in that first picture. But yeah I would have freaked if I were your mom.
That was quite the get-up, wasn’t it? Even without all the weird props, I looked kind of odd I think.
Oh, this post cracked me up! As a former English teacher in the south, I’m trying to picture the Janis Joplin routine nowadays. Yeah, you would’ve been suspended.
Seriously, this was funny. I’m visiting today from Mama Kat’s, and I’ll have to come back!
My English teacher kind of liked it. I think it was a nice break from the “norm.” I still had kids coming up to me and talking about three years later.
Minute 1 and 15 are my favorites (where did that blond hair go?) but I also liked the Carmen outfit.
I’m wondering where that blonde hair went too! Why couldn’t it have stuck around?
Seriously, you need to get workin’ on your book. And SEND ME THE ARC! lol
This post and the one where you made yourself the star of the book covers – or was it the star of movies…I can’t remember – are my two absolute favorites. All I remember is that you were covered in chocolate or something!! Oh my, the image still makes me laugh.
Chocoholic is what you are thinking of! I should do more of those.
Great take on the prompt…never would have thought to go that route. And some terrific moments!!
I have a strange mind that takes the “road less traveled” more often than not.
I actually did not post about my 5 seconds of fame in TIME I couldn’t find the pic and my mom has the mag! I will eventually!
You must! That is too cool!
Hey, you really ARE famous!! Seriously, though…. that first photo is beautiful! The costume is wonderful and you are such a precious looking child!!
I was a cute child. Sigh.
impressive indeed – you’ll have to get some of those autographed postcards done.
Oh yes … a postcard with a collage of all my “looks” — so my “fans” can see the slide from adorable into horrid. : )
I think you have had lots and lots of 15 minute increments there. I love it!!
When you change your definition of fame, I think we all have many many moments.
First of all, why does everybody keep mentioning how cute you WERE? You are still cute! Now regarding the Japanese kidnapping incident….we have our own version of that story…we went to Japan for my hubby’s work back when my oldest was about a year old. We were only there for 2 days – but we were mobbed everywhere we went and there must be pictures of him in hundreds of Japanese scrapbooks. He is also blonde and blue-eyed and he was a little charmer – he would talk to anybody wave at anybody, etc. Suffice it to say, I also have a lot of nameless Japanese folks in his scrapbook from our 2 day visit!
I also just realized that we are the same age….you and I had the same glasses in 1977 although you had the cool feathered hair look and I had the bad perm look!
Thanks for the kind words but I know I’m not cute now. I’ve come to terms with that.
And my parents said the SAME thing … that I’m probably featured in a bunch of random people’s scrapbooks in Japan!! I was quite the hit when I lived there with my parents back in the late 1960s/early 1970s — a novelty, I guess. Your story just cracked me up!
And if you call that hairdo “cool,” I think you need to reassess!! HAHA! And I did move on to the bad perm look. It was my go to look in the 1980s.
Jenners, you totally need to write a book. I think that it would sell like hotcakes. There is something so disarming and genuine in your candor, and I so look forward to posts like these. I am only sorry that it took me so long to find out about your blog.
Thanks for the encouragement! Some day, I hope to try and make that book actually happen.
Wow and wow! I have to say…this is, by far, one of my favorite posts this morning. Love the pictures. :O)
You never quite know what you are going to find here, do you? : )
Look at how stinkin cute you were! And I am very impressed with all your minutes! All I had was once being a model in TIME magazine when I was 13
No freaking way!?? I would trade all my “fame” to been a model in TIME. Please tell me you posted about this!!!
Wow – I had no idea you were such a well-photographed celebrity!
Thanks for this – absolutely hilarious! You’re a comedy genius!
I’m going to use your comment “You’re a comedy genius” on my book cover some day. : )
Wow! You mean I’ve been reading a famous person’s blog all this time?
Love the pics. The Carmen one? I’m sure Georges Bizet is rotating in his grave. The college one? Are you holding a homemade cross? I must say, that one scared me a bit.
I’m writing about my brush with fame, too…but it didn’t involve costumes.
Shocking to know the extent of my fame, isn’t it?
And yes … that seems to be a little homemade cross I am holding. Only God knows why. I was a weirdo.
Love you as a little Japanese lady. You’re so blond.
I love that photo too. I wish I could have held on to some of the cuteness and blondeness!
lol
Not surprising that you’re famous… lol
Perhaps “notorious” or “avoided on the street” is a better word than famous.
You were such little cutie. Where is that blonde hair now? I always get a kick when some kids who were so very blond as tots, have a total hair transformation later on.
I’m asking myself the same thing!!! Where did that beautiful blonde hair go??? My husband was totally blonde too and now he has black hair. Strange!
I absolutely laughed at your post — you just go for it, makes me (almost, but not quite) wish I had the same 15″ of fame! I do love your Carmen costume.
That Carmen costume is something, huh? Looking at the photo again, I think we drew a big “beauty mark” on my face!!
I have to agree with the others; totally adorable!
And I’m sure you (and others) are thinking: “What the HELL happened?” The answer: Eyeglasses and a haircut.
You were such an adorable Japanese baby! I’m glad to know such a famous lady
I’m sorry I’ve kept my fame from you for all this time.
Oh my stars, you were adorable!
I was, wasn’t I? It is a shame I couldn’t hang on to that!
OMG!!!! That first picture is frickin adorable! I would have kidnapped you too!
And I screwed up big time at my dance recital too. My parents had the VHS tape to prove it!
I’m so glad my dance recital is lost to the ages!