Link up every Thursday! Hosted by Mama’s Losin’ It
This week, I chose Prompt 4:
In honor of the “white” after Memorial Day rule, name a fashion rule that you either break or enforce. (inspired by Jenny at Karma Continued…)
I suspect it is no secret that I am on the cutting-edge of fashion … (wait for it …) … for dorks. With summer here, I thought I’d share my fashion secrets, which pretty much break all the rules in the book.
- By wearing a baseball hat, you save valuable time in the morning by skipping right over the time-consuming “hair care” part of your beauty routine. Go one step further and skip all make-up and skin care steps as well. Heck, forget jewelry while we’re at it!
- If you’re after the elusive and always fashionable (with the grade school set) “Where’s Waldo” look, always choosing a horizontal striped shirt will give you that look in a jif! Plus, horizontal stripes make you look wide while also letting your breasts and not-so-hidden fat clumps create strange patterns with the stripes!!!
- Elastic waist shorts with drawstrings are the epitome of comfort. Feeling a bit bloated? Loosen those puppies up!!! The ability to adjust the shorts tighter and looser allow you to adapt to those tiny weight fluctuations we all experience throughout the day (or after a particularly large ice cream sundae).
- Is there a more flexible shoe than Crocs? I don’t think so!!! You can hose them off or wash them in your sink! They can function as a “safety” device if you choose a bright color! You can hide your unmanicured toes! You can give the illusion of being a hobbit by looking like you have enormous wide and flat feet! You won’t trip and fall and break you neck like those daredevils in heels! I could go on and on but I think you get the idea: Crocs are THE perfect shoe. (Note: Be sure to get the fleece-lined ones for winter.)
- Let’s not forget our handbag, ladies! Why worry about having a shoulder strap that always falls down or having to use one hand to carry a bag when you can use the greatest innovation in handbag history — the fanny pack! Not only does the fanny pack leave your hands free as well as cinching your waist AND bunching your shirt in an unseemly manner, the fanny pack is the “go to” accessory for women who care (about having their hands free at all times and who dislike shoulder pain). Plus, if you have a “shelf-like” butt, it will help to support the fanny pack’s weight and relieve you of possible back pain.
- If you like to live on the edge and dabble with androgyny, this look will totally work! People will think you are a small boy. They will stare at you, struggling to figure out if you are a man or a woman. Although the crazy patterns that your breasts create in the striped shirt will eventually give it away, from a distance you’ll keep ‘em guessing!
P.S. I know you think this is tongue-in-cheek (and it is, kind of, sorta) but, the reality is, I do own all of these items and have worn them together. I swear to you! I really am this dorky. After all, they say to “write what you know.”