Writer’s Workshop: How To Get My Look
by Jenners • 06/08/2011 • My Take On..., Writers Workshop • 82 Comments
Link up every Thursday! Hosted by Mama’s Losin’ It
This week, I chose Prompt 4:
In honor of the “white” after Memorial Day rule, name a fashion rule that you either break or enforce. (inspired by Jenny at Karma Continued…)
I suspect it is no secret that I am on the cutting-edge of fashion … (wait for it …) … for dorks. With summer here, I thought I’d share my fashion secrets, which pretty much break all the rules in the book.
If my colorful infographic didn’t convince you, here are even more advantages to adopting the Jenners Dork Lookâ˘.
- By wearing a baseball hat, you save valuable time in the morning by skipping right over the time-consuming “hair care” part of your beauty routine. Go one step further and skip all make-up and skin care steps as well. Heck, forget jewelry while we’re at it!
- If you’re after the elusive and always fashionable (with the grade school set) “Where’s Waldo” look, always choosing a horizontal striped shirt will give you that look in a jif! Plus, horizontal stripes make you look wide while also letting your breasts and not-so-hidden fat clumps create strange patterns with the stripes!!!
- Elastic waist shorts with drawstrings are the epitome of comfort. Feeling a bit bloated? Loosen those puppies up!!! The ability to adjust the shorts tighter and looser allow you to adapt to those tiny weight fluctuations we all experience throughout the day (or after a particularly large ice cream sundae).
- Is there a more flexible shoe than Crocs? I don’t think so!!! You can hose them off or wash them in your sink! They can function as a “safety” device if you choose a bright color! You can hide your unmanicured toes! You can give the illusion of being a hobbit by looking like you have enormous wide and flat feet! You won’t trip and fall and break you neck like those daredevils in heels! I could go on and on but I think you get the idea: Crocs are THE perfect shoe. (Note: Be sure to get the fleece-lined ones for winter.)
- Let’s not forget our handbag, ladies! Why worry about having a shoulder strap that always falls down or having to use one hand to carry a bag when you can use the greatest innovation in handbag history — the fanny pack! Not only does the fanny pack leave your hands free as well as cinching your waist AND bunching your shirt in an unseemly manner, the fanny pack is the “go to” accessory for women who care (about having their hands free at all times and who dislike shoulder pain). Plus, if you have a “shelf-like” butt, it will help to support the fanny pack’s weight and relieve you of possible back pain.
- If you like to live on the edge and dabble with androgyny, this look will totally work! People will think you are a small boy. They will stare at you, struggling to figure out if you are a man or a woman. Although the crazy patterns that your breasts create in the striped shirt will eventually give it away, from a distance you’ll keep ‘em guessing!
P.S. I know you think this is tongue-in-cheek (and it is, kind of, sorta) but, the reality is, I do own all of these items and have worn them together. I swear to you! I really am this dorky. After all, they say to “write what you know.”
Too funny! Jason totally agrees with you on the elastic waist shorts because that’s all he wears too….YEAR ROUND! I bought him the type with the zipper and it’s currently sitting somewhere collecting dust….that’s just how much he loves those types of pants
I would so love to wear a fanny pack instead of carrying a purse! I technically don’t carry a purse but more like a monk’s bag because I carry so much stuff with me all the time. I stick out like a sore thumb in Tokyo because I’m so unfashionable (jeans and t-shirts all the way, baby!) and I carry a cloth bag instead of Coach or LV but then again, I’m like a whole head taller than most of the people around me so I pretty much stopped caring about how I look these days. It’s all about dressing like a dork
I would not fit in in Tokyo either! I either have my fanny bag or my generic bag that I adore that has the pockets just like I like them. Tell Jason he has good (but dorky) taste in shorts!!!
You crack me up! I cant wear a fanny pack though. I just cant. And funny enough my hair is so thick and curly, that I can’t fit a hat on my head unless I straighten my hair. So I tend to avoid hats, unless I’m willing to spend an hour blowdrying and flat ironing my hair, all to cover it up with a hat. It defeats the purpose for me…lol.
Fanny packs just too dorky for you, huh? I don’t blame you. And my hair is so flat and lifeless that a hat actually improves it!
I never wear shorts, but always wear long elastic-waist pants —can’t get those with flies or buttons closed. I wear a “baseball” hat with a fan in the front —I wear it on hot/humid days —it blows a nice little breeze on my forehead. That’s even dorkier than a regular baseball cap and looks great with huge sun glasses that fit over my regular specs. I need orthotics for my shoes —and they tend to fall out of Crocs, but I have a pair I use for slippers and in the shower or occasionally when I’m helping to wash the car. They actually were a bit too short, so I cut the fronts out to make them toeless —so they don’t hide my pedicureless toes. Fannypack —no way. Instead, I wear a lightweight backpack. It holds my usual purse stuff, and also an iPod, water bottle, maps, and other miscellaneous junk when I walk or travel.
Am I dorky enough? Or do I need more instruction?
I am just cracking up over the baseball hat with the little fan attached!!! That does take the prize!! I don’t think you need any dork pointers from you. I can actually learn from you!!! ; )
I love striped shirts, and own many! As well as baseball hats to fit my mood & hide my hair.
Not sure about the crocs tho… I’ll stick w/my flip-flops from Old Navy.
From what I can tell, you can pull off a striped shirt without calling attention to body parts that are better left unseen! : )
I have NO idea why anyone would think that your outfit is unsuitable! It is perfect. . .well, ditch the fanny pack and it will be perfect. My outifit of choice is one of my 46 University sweatshirts, denim or khaki shorts and flip flops.
It is the fanny pack and the Crocs that are causing the most “controversy.” : ) Your outfit sounds fabulous. That would be dressing up for me. : )
Ha!!!!! What a great way to start the morning. Love this. My own fashion routine is not far behind (ball caps hide a multitude of sins).
I don’t know what I’d do without a baseball hat! I think I wear mine more than my husband wears his … and he has a whole collection.
Cute.
I don’t have the dork wardrobe, I have the bland one — hair pulled back in a blob, plain colored tee, jeans (or khaki shorts in the summer) and slip-on tennis shoes or flip-flops. Not exactly the pinnacle of fashion but also nothing to embarrass me. Maybe one day I’ll venture into prints or even skirts. Maybe.
You are a bland nerd I think. There are hierarchies and yours is just a bit more subtle and low key than the dork look I specialize in. On my best days, I dress like you.
Well, it’s a good thing that we have boys. They can copy our style and look perfectly fine.
Strangely though, I dress Z with more effort than I spend on myself.
Me and the Little One could be twins actually. scary thought. He has a better selection of novelty t-shirts though.
LOL LOL LOL — do you know these people are everywhere, not just in Walmart! LOL
Fanny packs and crocs have always been a no no with me, but I do admit to horizontal stripes (< 30lbs) and elastic waist exercise pants (for things other than exercise)
You kill me jenners!
I think I’ve actually stumbled on the go to outfit for most of America’s females, actually — based on my comments! The Crocs and the fanny pack are the most controversial but everything else seems to be the standard uniform!
love Love LOVE you! I sure hope you plan to put all this humorous quips in a collection and sell them soon. I would be the first in line to purchase. You ALWAYS bring a smile to face
That is one of my vague and amorphous plans. I just need to start doing something about it. Perhaps I’ll attempt that novel writing month this November.
Since my bra sized has dropped many sizes in the past few months, I think I’ll be purchasing a striped shirt to accentuate what I have left. And I’ve been sporting a ball cap more often since Bebe Sister has become a tornado and has to be watched EVERY moment. And fanny packs are great for carrying kid snacks – not have I would know ; )
I really thought of my outfit almost as What A Mother Has Time For in many ways. Rock that striped shirt!
Every garment for my lower half has a drawstring – although most of them have sucked themselves inside the little holes, so I don’t actually tie them. Instead of regular crocs, I have gotten croc-like sandles. They are called Doggers. Just as comfy, foot widening and easily washable as Crocs, but make me feel a little better put together. Try them…I think you will love them.
Oh … gotta check out the Doggers. Thanks for the tip!
I’m living in baseball caps these days! I received a couple of horizontal stripe shirts as gifts. I wear them every once in a while, but I’m not thrilled with being broader. Though I wish they would make my chest look less flat!!
I have the opposite problem of having too big a chest. I’d be willing to give you half of my size and then we’d both be happy.
Being in Costa Rica whereas the temps are often in the 90′s, I have adopted a bit different look. Tank top (worn bra-less) and a sarong folded in half and tied at the side in a short skirt fashion. I complete the look with flip flops and a hippie style bag (over shoulder and head which deters potential grab-and-run thiefs). Thank God there is no full-length mirror in my house! I also wear my hair short — boy style — no make up. Just natural and loving it!
I dream of going braless. It isn’t a good look for me. Your outfit sounds lovely actually. I wish I could get away with it! And the natural look is best. It is too much pressure to have to put on a face every day. And look at those stars who always have make-up on and then you see them without it and you can’t recognize them. That would be weird!
This made me laugh so much. I’m a total dork, but in a different way. I’m a jeans and t-shirt girl (solid colors only) and running shoes (used to be flip flops, but those don’t work in Scotland). Every. single. day. I don’t wear a hat, but I wear a ponytail and no make up every day too. I’m so glad someone else agrees that it’s all about comfort and convenience. My husband might disagree though. Sadly, he cares more about how he dresses than I do, and has WAY more clothes than I do. Haha!
Jeans, t-shirt and running shoes is my WINTER look.
And my husband has just given up on me. He always jokes that we look like a gay couple.
Your last bullet totally made me snort! I don’t own any Crocs- but my daughter does and that is just about all she will wear.
Your daughter knows comfort! : )
I say that’s perfect style!!!! but I prefer black crocs.
You like the toned down look I guess.
I’ve been doing it wrong all these years! I do draw the line at the crocs and fanny pack, but the rest is negotiable.
Oh give the Crocs a try. They are so comfy and easy!!!
Okay, I refuse to wear crocs or a fanny pack, but other than that I’m right there with you! I have multiple bad-hair day hats. Which means if I’m too lazy to do anything with my hair (or if it’s sticking straight up in the morning – crazy cowlicks) then I wear a hat. About half of my wardrobe is horizontal stripes. It used to be about 90% but I decided I needed more variety.
I am wearing elastic drawstring shorts right now.
And yes, it’s because my jean shorts don’t fit any more.
Ha! I hear you on the jean shorts. Last time I had a real pair was back in the 1990s! And I’ve got crazy cowlicks that cannot be tamed. What burns me is that they show up even when I have my hair cut short!
Your dorkiness makes you incredibly endearing!
And don’t forget red hot sexy! HA!
Hahaha I LOVE this! And it’s totally not that dorky, this outfit of yours. I would wear it in a heartbeat, promise!
Thanks for saying that … I suspect you just don’t want to be a dork too! : )
Still laughing.
So glad to hear…but WITH me, right? Not AT me? Oh who am I kidding … you’re laughing AT me.
You’re great, Jenners, too funny for words. Thank you for sharing your fashion tips!
You’re welcome for this valuable fashion information. Now be sure to adopt it so you too can be a dork … but a comfortable one.
mwa hahaha! you are so funny. i’m dying laughing over here–the blurb about the fanny pack is hilarious! i should be careful not to laugh too much, though. i did LEAVE my house today wearing pink flip flops, my hair french braided into two long braids a la a 6-year-old, and NO makeup at all. i kept my head down and sunglasses on to avoid eye contact or recognition. i have to go back and re-read this…it’s classic JENNERS. hope all is well and that your a/c is cranking. it’s about 2,000 degrees here and the ‘ocean breeze’ is non-existant. thermostat is set to ARTIC and it’s all good.
Oh the A/C is cranking. I have it running AND I have a fan blowing on me at night. My husband thinks I’m nuts.
And your little outfit sounds very Lolitaish!
I didn’t realize I was a dork. You describe my everyday wardrobe since I retired. I’m wearing it now minus the crocs since I’m inside and wearing slippers. I gave up the fanny pack too since I don’t need to carry anything around with me. My daughter laughs at my collection of stripped Tshirts. I have them in every color.
I’m sorry to break it to you but you are probably a dork. But embrace it and be happy — at least you are comfortable, right? : )
Love it! I’m right there with you on the drawstring shorts. Now that the weather is finally warm out here in California this is the first thing I do when I get home from the office…change into my drawstring shorts!
It is like Mr. Rogers … changing into your comfy clothes when you get home!
LOL!
If you don’t mind, I think that I am going to stick to getting my fashion advice from Kim Kardashian.
Well, enjoy your leopard print jumpsuits and your 5-inch stillettos!! : )
I want a picture of you dressed like that!! You crack me up!
Perhaps your wish shall be granted!
I love your fashion layout! I’m afraid my fashion faux pas, I love p.j.s. Really! If I’m not going out (any further than the end of my drive that is) I’m in my p.j.s.I’ve been caught taking out that bag of trash my boys forget to get out there, in my p.js. I just can’t seem to find a baseball cap that I feel comfortable in, nor a pair of crocs. But I do love my Keen ugly sandals, they are UGLY but I can walk 6 miles without fatigue.
I’ve worn my pajamas to take out the trash too!! We’re soul sisters!! And I have a pair of Keen sandals I got from my mom. They are super comfy. As far as walking shoes, I’m in love with Merrells!
I rarely do baseball caps, but I have on a bad hair day. The elastic shorts, nah…not good for the hips.
The crocs, never. I always think people who wear plastic shoes have stinky feet. lol. But the fanny pack is one of the greatest inventions ever, especially when you are at amusement parks.
My fashion faux pas would probably be white after Labor Day. I love white. And I am guilty of wearing house slippers to the market on occassion just because they are comfortable. Shhhh. Don’t tell nobody.
I do have to offer that Crocs have stuff in them that prevent odors. But still … you’re right. People who wear them aren’t exactly giving off the best image, are they? HAHA!
And I love that you wear slippers to the market. I’ve done that too! ssshhhh!!!
I’ve done the elastic waist shorts and for some reason, I did them when I was actually at my ideal weight. Weird, I know!
The reason you can get away with this ensemble is because of your magnetic personality.
Oh I just love your comment! I can get away with this because there are no expectations for my appearance. HA!
On the weekends and when I’m on vacation, you can bet my elastic shorts and baseball cap get a lot of use!
And don’t you wish you could wear them every day!?
LOL! The perfect outfit for Walmart?
But of course!
Now we have two things in common, chocolate and being a bit of a dork.
Guilty of owning several pairs of crocs – both fur-lined and otherwise but then when you walk with the aid of crutches many people don’t see anything but these.
As for fanny packs, they are known as bum bags here in England – fanny having a quite different (and rude) meaning.
I love Crocs and will never give them up.
And I love “bum bags.” I need to learn what fanny means now!
I have been trying to convince my husband to wear a fanny pack, but he instead has gone with a man purse (!!?!!) I don’t think that I like the man purse at all, but he thinks it’s the greatest thing since sliced bread. People look at us funny now.
By the way, the elastic shorts and crocs look rocks! I love to wear that combination together, but my crocs aren’t that noticeable, as they are navy blue. I need some fur lined yellow ones!
He has a murse!!! That just cracks me up!!!!
And yes … navy Crocs are WAY less noticeable! : )
I still love you even though you wear a fanny pack.
And….I broke down and bough Crocs, but only the ballerina style. I cannot get myself to wear the originals…although all three children wear them.
Please tell me you dont wear socks with your Crocs because then I might…well….never mind, I would still love you.
I hate to break it to you but even the ballerina style Crocs are not flattering. Nothing about Crocs can be flattering … no matter how hard they try. They are rubber shoes!! HAHA! But darn if they aren’t comfortable. And no … I don’t wear socks with my Crocs … except the fleece-lined ones in the winter. Sorry!
This is priceless!! I will admit I like those elastic waist shorts. Nothing like a little “give” when you need it. I’ve never liked Crocs, though. I just don’t like the way they feel. Never liked Jelly Shoes, either. For decades I wore nothing but the original Dr. Scholl’s exercise sandals. Well, I did wear clothing along with them, but you knew what I meant. I still have a closet full of them!
Thank you for correcting my image of you wearning NOTHING but Dr. Scholl’s exercise sandals. Man … those were THE THING back in the day!!!!
Okay – one more of your loyal fans who is currently wearing elastic waist shorts and mint green crocs. Keep the baseball cap in car for emergency runs to grocery store. Fanny pack – sits in closet cause fanny and other parts got too big for it. Hey, that adjustable waist strap only adjusts so far. I musta got the small one by mistake. *snicker* yeah, right!
Keep on rocking those mint green Crocs!!! And it is obvious you got the size 0 fanny pack … that is the one they made for supermodels! Silly you!
Me too:
Currently wearing:
Elastic shorts (don’t you LOVE them?)
Purple crocs
Baseball cap (hair clip otherwise)
Shirt that “shrank” in the wash (ha ha)
I could not live without elastic shorts (or pants for winter). I think I can easily create a clone army of mini-mes with all my readers!!!
You should write a fashion book – maybe pair up with Tim Gunn or those annoying people from “What Not to Wear”. Although I must say, you missed out on the dorkiest part of this ensemble – wearing the fanny pack in the front. This not only makes you look even dorkier but accentuates that unsightly “baby bulge” that remains even though the baby just turned 19.
I will be on the look-out for neon-colored Crocs. I don’t own any – yet – I’ve just been dorking around in Wal-mart flip-flops (regardless of season) because they make annoying sounds and cause me to trip frequently, adding to my illusion of grace and poise.
Thanks for validating the dork in all of us.
Good point in the fanny pack. It is much dorkier to wear it in the front. Plus more practical so you can grab all your stuff as needed without having to wrestle it around your girth! Ha! keep on rocking those Wal-Mart flip flops!
Currently wearing:
Elastic pants – check.
Crocs – check (and I do have the fleece-lined ones in the closet). I even have a pair of Crocs that look like normal shoes. I don’t have any brightly colored ones, however (I hope I don’t lose dork points for that).
Baseball cap – in car. In lieu of the cap, I always have the ponytail holder to contain my messy hair.
I don’t have any of the horizontal striped shirts, nor a fanny pack.
I guess I know what I’ll buy with my birthday gift card that is waiting in my wallet.
You are almost there sistah!!! A few more items and you will be a Jenners Dork Clone!! : )