Writer’s Workshop: A Day In the Life of Romeo
by Jenners • 11/03/2011 • Romeo and Juliet, Writers Workshop • 78 Comments
- Link up every Thursday!
This week, I’m going with Prompt 5: A day in the life of your pet…how bad do they have it? Rather than have me tell you, I thought I’d let Romeo tell you himself. Of course, if you haven’t met Romeo yet, a photo might help.
Hi. I'm Romeo. This is the story of my day. I'm four months old.
Morning. I am plucked from my bed in the prison by She Who Provides All and taken outside … YES, OUTSIDE … in the cold to do my morning duty. She Who Provides All constantly says “potty potty potty.” I don’t understand why she must wait to see me void my bowels. It is humiliating. She won’t let me back inside until I do. And what is most appalling is that all of THEM get a special little room to do their duty INSIDE THE HOUSE where it is warm. It is unjust and unfair. To communicate my dislike of this double standard, I sneak off behind a chair and drop a load.
Later In The Morning. I accompany She Who Provides All and The Loud One outside to stand around with a bunch of other Loud Ones. I am repeatedly denied access to shoes, sticks, plastic, trash, dead worms and poop. I am displeased. Eventually a giant loud yellow machine comes and takes The Loud One away. I have She Who Provides All to myself until The Loud One’s return! Yippee! No more competition for sitting on her lap or getting her attention.
She Who Provides All then insists on making me walk around the block. Ordinarily this would be OK with me, but I am not permitted to investigate every single interesting smell I encounter, chase after those loud fast machines, stand for hours watching people in their garages or eat trash. This is why I run from her when she tries to get me excited about a walk. She takes all the fun out of it. Plus I really don’t see the point. We start at the house and end at the house so why bother walking around pointlessly? Worse yet, she will make me do this TWO MORE TIMES TODAY!
Mid-Morning. She Who Provides All doesn’t seem to appreciate my assistance with the laundry. My sorting of the socks (testing them for strength and durability by chewing on them) is met only with cries of “Leave it. Leave it.”
Afternoon. I am taken to a spa for my kind and given a bath and a haircut. I’m shocked how different the world looks now that I’m viewing it without a mess of hair in my eyes. When She Who Provides All comes to pick me up, I’m taken aback by her appearance. Clearly, I am too cute for this family, who turned out not to be as attractive as I thought now that I’m seeing them in high definition. Still, I shall stay with them until I find a more suitable family to cater to my every whim. Also, my lovely odor has been removed. Must roll in some dead worms as soon as possible to get back to my sweet-smelling self.
Midafternoon. She Who Provides All goes away and leaves me in the Place I Go When They Leave Without Me. I am not pleased. I cry and whine for her but eventually drift off for a nap.
Several Million Hours Later. I am still waiting for She Who Provides All to return. I think I have been left here, abandoned, for an ungodly length of time. I think I have aged since she has been gone. But wait … what is that I hear? A rumbling noise that usually signals her return. She’s home! She’s home! She’s home! She’s home! Here she comes! Here she comes! I’m out! I’m spraying urine to display my great joy at her return! I’m being taken outside and told to go potty!
Tonight at Dinner. I was once again served the same monotonous kibble that I am given every day. Yet my observations reveal that THEY are not eating the same thing. My detective work after each meal reveals crumbs of varying size, color and consistency.
What they were eating tonight at the big high table smelled particularly tantalizing so I made myself extra cute and waited patiently by The Loud One’s chair. He seems clumsy and leaves the most crumbs under his chair after they are finished eating so he will be my target. However, he seems to dislike what THEY are eating so I move on to She Who Provides All. Perhaps she will expand ALL to include a little tiny taste of what she is eating.
After cocking my head in a way that seems to delight her, it actually happened! She reached down and gave me a morsel of what I can only describe as pure heaven. It awakened my taste buds and put me into a frenzy. I must have more!! More! More! More! This thing they call chicken has awoken my palate to the wonders of food! More! More! More! If you want, I will listen to all your silly commands! I will dance! Just give me more chicken!
When She Who Provides All gets up to get something, I make my move … leaping onto her chair and going for her plate. I need another explosion of pure pleasure in my mouth! Why was I being denied this delicious food and served kibble!!???!!!??? However, The Tall One Who Disturbs Me While Sleeping yelled at me and She Who Provides All put me into the Place I Go When They Leave Without Me. I’m not happy. Not one tiny bit.
Later. It is the time when The Loud One goes to sleep on a giant bed that should be rightfully mine. She Who Provides All and the Loud One allow me on the bed while they flip through paper things that I would very much like to chew on. For these brief minutes, I revel in the comfort and space that I think I deserve. Although I am relegated to the bottom of the bed, I stealthily move my way up, inch by inch, aiming for the soft fluffy things they rest their heads on. I WANT THAT!
But then I am forced to leave the comfort of the giant bed … even though I feign sleep and try not to be noticed. She Who Provides All plucks me off and makes me go downstairs with her, where I slumber in my less than acceptable “doggie bed” and listen to her touch buttons on a long flat thing. She then subjects me to the indignity of the outside potty and then locks me in my prison for the night while she sleeps in an even bigger giant bed that clearly has enough room for me sleep on. The list of injustices against me continues to accumulate. Tomorrow, I plan to pee on the carpet and pretend I just didn’t understand that she wants me to do that outside.
That was so much fun to read! The place I go when they leave without me! I actually felt kinda sorry for Romeo in this, but not enough. Still not enough. You’re doing things just as they should be done.
Trust me, there is no need to feel one bit sorry for Romeo. He is absolutely spoiled rotten!
Hahaha, great job! Reminds me of my own fur-darling, Dakota. He is four and has started having accidents in the house (got him a month ago). He has terrible anxiety when we leave so we’re trying to break the habit, my poor boy! At least Romeo is just a baby, so he should grow out of it!
I hope and pray he grows out of it. It would be HORRIBLE if he doesn’t. Your poor baby!! I’m sure he will get rid of his anxiety with your loving care.
Poor Romeo! I’m horrified he can’t share your big bed. I’m certain he’ll be calling ASPCA to complain.
My four-legged housemates don’t understand why I make such a big deal over the dirt they drag in the house after a nice bout of digging. Do they offer to help clean up? Nope, never. sigh
Do your four-legged pals bark at the vacuum that you have to constantly use to clean up their dirt? Probably! ; )
I’m sure the ASPCA has many calls from Romeo already reporting all of our abuses! : )
OMG, the entire family was howling with laughter (pun intended) at Romeo’s descriptions of showing his displeasure about not being able to stay inside where it is warm. Talullah Belle has decided that she needs to relieve herself every five minutes or less in a desperate attempt to avoid going outside. Going outside is just for exploring smells and eating leaves anyway.
Oh yes … the eating of the leaves!! Romeo is obsessed with leaves and acorns. Sounds like Talullah Belle and Romeo are on the same potty schedule!
First, my apologies for taking so long to see you’re back. I am still not getting updates on my blog. It says there have been no updates in 2 months. Glad you are back.
This was so cleaver and so accurate. I know my little white dog, aka Princess Anya, is not quite to humble. She thinks she is still the princess and is disdainful that she is not number one any more. I like your title. I need one of those.
I just don’t know what is up that you don’t get my updates! Did you subscribe to the new feed/blog URL when I moved my blog to WordPress? That might be the problem. I’m not sure why this is always happening!
I’m sure most dogs are upset being relegated to a lesser position with the arrival of kids!
Great post. Sounds like Romeo shares a similar life to my dog Bentley!
I love the name Bentley! It sounds like such a regal name!
Oh, this is just hilarious! I love hearing about your day through the eyes of Romeo. I bet he really thinks like that sometimes
I’m just so very glad that we don’t have any pets because I don’t really want to find any “surprises” they leave on the floor and on furnitures. Does Romeo still do leave messes in the house for you to clean up often?
We’re still struggling with his little accidents. We do really good and then we go backwards … just like with kids!! I know we will get it right someday but it feels like a long process.
And I’m convinced he does think this stuff!!
Jenners, I am glad to see you are back!
OMG Romeo is so cute. What fun post! I enjoyed a glimpse into his day. “She Who Provides All and the Loud One”<-toooo funny.
It's the same way here with Diego. I was just complaining to hubby that Diego only comes to bother me when he has to go outside to potty. Every morning, he comes to my side of the bed, to wake me up at the crack of dawn, weekends included, so I can let him out. Meanwhile hubby snores peacefully. Diego never bothers him. EVER. I too am 'She Who Provides All'
I so WISH Romeo would ask me to go outside to potty!! Right now, that is my dream. As it as, he never asks. He just goes when he gets the urge. If I don’t happen to have him outside at the time, he will just go in the house. This potty training thing is hard!! At least with my son, he had diapers!!
He will be asking you soo Jenners. It took me about one month to fully potty train Diego.
Hee Hee. Romeo rules. Some day it will come full circle. Our 13 year old Cat thinks that going potty in the Claustrophobic Box is a choice these days, even when Tall Man tells her he will kick her out if she does it again. She knows The Sucker will save her.
Oh dear … the Cat is going on a Box Strike! She’s probably annoyed at the new little creature in your home and looking for “extra” attention .. even negative attention! : )
poor, poor romeo
I know .. his life is so so hard and difficult.
There is nothing like a “Jenners comedy fix” to get me smiling. You are the best – do you know that??? This was so clever and entertaining. Loved it. And that cute face of Romeo…
I had so much fun writing this post … I’m glad you enjoyed reading it.
You are too funny, She Who Provides All! So much here I could comment on (what to choose, what to choose?). These lines are among the best-est: “Also, my lovely odor has been removed. Must roll in some dead worms as soon as possible to get back to my sweet-smelling self.” Fun post!
He really really did that! I was so mad at him!! Well, as mad as you can get at such a cute puppy!
Oh, I do hope Romeo returns with more guest posts telling us of the indignities foisted upon him by She Who Provides All, The Loud One, and The Tall One Who Disturbs Me While Sleeping
… I really enjoyed this, Jenners!
I suspect Romeo will grace us with his long list of grievances again in the future. I continue to oppress him. I’m sure the dog PJs and antlers I got for Christmas will merit a post all by themselves.
Talk about living a dog’s life – with a face like this looking up at you it must be hard to stay annoyed for long and besides which laundry durability testing is a very skillful job.
He has expanded to testing underwear now. I suspect he may be asking for a salary soon!
Great post, Romeo! Oh, and I loved the end, revenge is sweet, isn’t it?
Actually, his revenge is more yellow and smelly … but sweet to him I suppose! ; )
LOL! Oh, thank you for this laugh… and .. er.. sorry that you have so many ‘injustices’ to put up with!
It is a sad cruel life he lives, isn’t it? : )
What a busy day, can I just say one thing…..I’m glad I have a cat! haha
At least cats get to do their duty in the house! They probably laugh at dogs all the time.
She Who Provides All had my sympathy…until I saw she made him sleep in a dog bed. Sammy totally get to share the pillows.
Of course he does not spray urine…
Anymore.
So this spraying of urine to display great joy at someone’s return is something they grow out of, hmmm? THANK GOD!
Wonderful post – I laughed so much and it brought back a lot of memories. I am so in love with Romeo!!!
Glad you enjoyed it! It was really fun to write. I felt like I was channeling his innermost thoughts when writing it.
This is awesome. Romeo, your writing style is fluid and worth a meal of chicken and a nap on the bed!
Romeo says Thanks and now he is badgering me to pay up! Thanks A LOT! : )
My boss likely thinks I’m crazy by this point since I laughed out loud at far too many of Romeo’s adventures. He sounds downright tortured! This was a great portrayal of a dog’s life. Well done!
I hope you didn’t lose your job over this! : )
It does sound like many many doggie rights were violated … and all in just one day!
I bet She Who Provides All was only gone to Walgreens for a few minutes. I think dogs and kids have similar ideas of time..
I think you are right! My son’s sense of time is just as skewed as Romeo’s!
I love your stories. Maybe someday Romeo will realize he “lives the life” of a canine king.
I hope he realizes it! He does have a sweet sweet life … despite the many injustices being done to him. Today I pulled him away from discarded Halloween candy wrapper and he acted like it was the end of the world!
Poor Romeo. Life is so unfair for cute puppies.
And hey…how did you feel about those Halloween costumes?
Amazing he didn’t touch on the costumes, isn’t it? Perhaps another guest post will appear in December .. when I attempt to get him to wear antlers!
Oh, this could be almost the exact diary of our dog! Today, he jumped crazily through the air to land on a pair of socks that I was getting ready to put on, only to be dissuaded (to his horror and disgust). I have a feeling that you got his emotions about all these things pitch perfect, except for the results of his haircut! It’s a dog’s life for these pups, you know?
The fascination with socks seems to be universal thing with dogs. Nothing harder than trying to put on socks with a dog tugging on them! I’m learning all kinds of creative ways to avoid him to get my socks on.
And I see via comment luv that you just reviewed The Unit!! I can’t wait to read your review … I just finished it and wrote my review. Can’t wait to read yours … I’m sure it is going to be fantastic!
Oh shoot, I just a about peed my pants reading this! I swear that our pups are related. I see that Romeo has discovered the wonders of the sock. As you know Sammy loves to destroy mine and bury them. I roll them up now with the tip sticking out and roll them for him. He gets a bog kick out of it. At least I don’t have to buy toys but I do have to buy socks. Really though I feel as though I’m reading about Sam when I brought him home. I can’t wait for more adventures of Romeo.
The sock thing is just crazy! I’m thinking you are right … skip the dog toys and just buy him a pack of cheap socks. He would be thrilled!
Wonderful!! Alice and Mabel could swap horror stories with him. Or perhaps I should let Suzy, MD, Jed, & Blue tell him what life is like living OUTside the house! They’d say there were pros and cons.
Ha! I should tell Romeo there are dogs who suffer a much worse outdoor life than him!!! ; )
Romeo is obviously a long-lost cousin to Chloe, the Otter Pup. You are much nicer in that you give “people food” treats now and then. I won’t. I am The Woman Who Will Not Give In because I cannot stand begging. However, I became The Woman Who Sometimes Gives In when the decision was made to release Chloe from her prison, permanently. So far, she’s good.
Wow … that is a big step to be released from prison! How many months is she now that she earned her freedom? Every time I think Romeo is “getting it,” I am proved wrong! I think he will imprisoned for quite a few more months!
Bahahaha “My sorting of the socks (testing them for strength and durability by chewing on them) is met only with cries of “Leave it. Leave it.” That sentence perfectly describes what happens in my house 20 times a day. This whole thing just cracked me up.
What is it with dogs and socks!!!???? I heard today about a dog who ate an entire sock … and it came out his backside WHOLE (but really dirty).
That is disgusting… but also kinda hilarious. Imagine finding that!
hi romeo, how nice you got to do a guest post!! Hope to hear from you again soon.
I suspect he shall post again in the future.
Romeo is not only cute but clever! But obviously he needs glasses, given his high def assessment!
Awww…you are so wonderful Jill! Maybe my biggest fan … at least in terms of sticking up for my “cuteness.” : )
Great post! I second you trying to get it printed in a pet magazine.
The urine made me laugh and the pillows too – very cute. Thanks for dropping by my post as well! Your comment made my morning commute. 
Your comment made my morning as well! Thanks for the lovely feedback. For me, the funniest (and truest) line in the whole thing was the urine line!
This read really started my day with a smile. My dogs, Chase and Chai, thank you deeply for exposing the atrocities being committed every single day in most homes around the country.
Romeo would like to tell Chase and Chai to “Fight on for dog rights!” : )
I love it! I was going to do this prompt but there is no way I could have done it the way you did. I am definitely going to share this! You should try to get it posted on an animal blog!
Thanks for the encouragement to share it on an animal blog. Maybe I’ll look into that. Since I got him, I feel like I’m slowly morphing into an animal blog!!
Very clever and entertaining! I love it and thought about my dog and his life while I was reading it.
Thanks for the feedback. I felt like Romeo was communicating through me when writing it! : )
What fun! I particularly like “several million hours later”!
It is so funny but when I leave, whether it is for 20 minutes or 2 hours, he acts like he hasn’t seen me in years and years!
I have a feeling Romeo will be sleeping on The Loud One’s bed before you know it!
I think you are right … he is very very good at getting what he wants!
This was incredible! I sure hope other pet owners don’t read it – Romeo has just revealed all of the secrets that are not usually revealed to Those Who Walk Only On Their Back Legs.
I’m surprised that Romeo did not reveal his indignation when these creatures produce loud, smelly emissions from their haunches and blame it on the dog.
Oh, the unfairness of it all!
Very funny!
I do feel that perhaps I have broken the Doggie Code of Ethics. I felt like I was channeling Romeo while writing!